[pink-shadow]

Thank you, I have been talking to people at DrugFAM which I think is helping me put things into perspective. At the weekend he had coke and rolled up paper in his pocket which I noticed, he handed it over to me for me to dispose of, and in that moment it felt like a turning point. However the next day I found some as in his van as I got in, we had our son with us and I ask him before we got in the van if he had any in there he promised he didn’t. He claims he ‘forgot’ it was there! I disposed of that too. I’m worried that he is putting the kids at risk, in the sense of them finding it, or seeing him doing it and I really don’t want social service getting involved. I just don’t understand how he can be so selfish!

On Tuesday I was a total wreck, i was so anxious I was struggling to breathe, when he got in from work I told him how I’d been feeling and he said he would go and just come back later to stay on the sofa. I couldn’t do that so told him he had to go and find somewhere else to stay. I was hoping he would come back and try getting clean. But by the looks of it he has been out with his mate having fun. It’s all just so unfair! I hate living in limbo not knowing where I am heading.

The kids have asked where he is and I have just had to tell them that I didn’t know as i have no idea where he is staying, I can’t lie to them. I am thinking of explaining what’s going on to my nearly 17y son. But really not sure if I should or not.

[pink-shadow]

I desperately want to save our relationship for me and our kids but I don’t think that will be possible until he takes stock and realises that he has an addiction, I don’t think I can cope being dragged along for the ride. As it is he popped out to get his van cleaned at 6pm and still hasn’t returned and it’s nearly 1 am! I know where he is and who he is with which probably means he is on it tonight. Just makes me so angry how he can carry on fine when I am a sobbing mess worried what the future may look like.

[pink-shadow]

You are right he does think that I’m blowing it out of proportion, he can’t seem to get his head around how emotional it has made me. I haven’t argued or screamed and shouted at him. I feel kind of sorry for him, feel sad that he has got himself into this predicament. He is not a bad person, he has made bad choices and I’ve got to remember that they were his choices to make. I just don’t feel strong enough to make proper decisions so the only thing I think I can do is to let him go, but it’s really not what I want. Finding this forum really has made me feel less alone thank you for replying

[pink-shadow]

Thank you for replying, I have been reading lots on this forum. It’s what has given me the realisation that this sadly ends nearly all relationships.

I am fortunate that he has identified that he has caused me this damage but sadly can’t/won’t do anything to help the situation. He has never been nasty towards me, it’s just the lies and deceit but that’s enough.

Trying to detach is where I am struggling, we work together from our home as he has his own business and I’m employed by him. And we have our children together. I just can’t see a way forward at the moment. I told him last night that I can’t go on with this relationship as it’s destroying me. But know we need time to work our how we are going to separate to spare our children as much pain as possible, amazingly they have no idea we are having problems!

I haven’t argued with him I’ve tried to be more matter of fact and agreed to disagree on most things although inside I am screaming.

At the moment I know suggesting he speaks with his GP is pointless, he so convinced there isn’t an issue. I have told him on several occasions that if ever he wants help I will be there for him without judgement, which is all I think I can do!

It just all so heart breaking

[Author]

Posts