[poppy20]

Hi Lynsey,

Thank you for replying. It’s lovely to hear both you and your wife made it through and you’re doing well!

Unless he had a stash of money somewhere, which is I guess is possible,  I don’t think he can fund anything at the moment. He can’t get any more loans due to his credit rating and has no income. He also still owes his dealer money, which really worries me as they know where we live and I don’t want them rocking up.

When our eldest was 8 weeks old ( she’s nearly 5 now) we separated briefly as he was going out drinking, staying out until 6am, probably taking drugs and had been accused of being unfaithful. I forgave and we rebuilt,  and now this, ???? I am unsure how much one person can take.

I just want happiness, stability and security for me and my children and he isn’t providing that at the moment. I very much care for him and want him to be well. Myself and my family have tried to support him the best we can, I have sought advice but whatever I try to do to help has little impact without him also wanting to help himself.  He has no other family, we are all he has. He makes me feel like I am abandoning him, that I should want to work to keep our family together, when he in fact  is doing very little from his side. I have  more or less looked after our children single handed-lie  for the last few years.

Most of our bills are in my name, meaning if they can’t be paid it will be my future that is affected, my ability to get a mortgage moving forward etc.

Its so tough because I do care, I don’t want to abandon him,  but I want to look after myself ????

[poppy20]

Hi purple star,

Sorry  you have been through this too 🙁 you sound like a very strong lady!
He has been clean for 3 weeks now so very early days again. He managed 3 months before. We havnt had the staying out, he tends to do it when we are in bed and he is gaming, then he’s up all night and sleeps all day and can be moody. He’s so clever at hiding it, but I think I need to start listening to my gut more. I found out he’s got himself into an awful lot of debt, so like you sinking us financially. I went to stay with my parents for a week for some much needed head space and have returned feeling much better. I am trying to just take it a day at a time and I am prepared to leave again should I need to because I also can’t do it anymore. Even if he was successful in beating it, I’m not sure how you even begin to repair the damage caused.  It’s so hard not knowing if the rug could be pulled from under you at any time.

Take care xx

[poppy20]

Hi everyone, thank you for your support and for making me feel like my thoughts and feelings are valid! I think you are all completely right and I feel there is very much still an element of not wanting to relinquish control just incase. Also I do not think he has fully accepted what he has done to out marriage/ family and expects as he has stopped again now for 3 days, I should just trust him.
He is doing everything else I have asked, going to his first group tonight, re starting counselling, changing his lifestyle. Thank you for giving me the strength to stand my ground with this.

[poppy20]

<p style=”text-align: left;”>Thanks worriedsister.
I believe he is was using most days, said the 6 bags I found would last him a week.
It’s hard to know what is the truth though.</p>
He doesn’t really have a rationale, whenever I try to talk about it he shuts me down and just says ‘ you don’t need access to it ‘. Surely if your intention is to stop you would want to remove all possible temptation? I should add he has already taken out multiple loans.

I have said i need completele transparency this time, however if I he will not/cannot do this I don’t feel I have it in me to help him anymore. ????

 

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