[popsxx]

Hi everyone hope you are well. I have had my baby and he’s 7 weeks old he’s perfect! The dad on the other hand hasn’t changed. He’s in and out of baby’s life when it suits him, messing around with plans swapping and changing days, times ect so I’ve told him I don’t want him to have anything to do with baby any more it’s hurting me seeing him in and out of his life like that and I’ve also told him I don’t want him near baby whilst taking coke (which is at least once a week). He’s gone worse since my original post doing things to try and spite me ane being horrible to me it’s like it’s a big game to him and he gets some sort of thrill from it he’s really not a nice person when he’s like this. I give him the benefit of the doubt when baby was born and for the first 2 weeks he was the perfect partner and dad but it didn’t last long. He went straight back into his old ways coming in drunk and off it on cocaine at 1 o’clock in the morning, turning his phone off, using excuses not to stay with me and the baby and now 7 weeks later he’s turned against me not only taking the drug but being awful to me. I know everyone has said I should of left him whilst pregnant ect but it’s easier said then done. He’s my first love and I still love him even though he’s put me through shit. I’m so hurt this isn’t the life I dreamt of. He’s now not seen the baby for over a week and we was meant to meet up today for a meal and to talk but once again he’s let us down and he’s in the pub. I feel like a mug all the time I’m always the one making the effort it’s like he doesn’t care about us but when I ask he says he does. I just don’t know what to do anymore

[popsxx]

Thank you all for help and advice it’s been really helpful. Bit of a late reply as I’ve been trying to concentrate on everything. Bit of an update as to where I’m at. My boyfriend has calmed down a lot with taking cocaine he now only takes it once a week on a weekend and only gets a small bag. He’s a lot more open with me about how he feels and his urges to have it which I appreciate as he’s not lying about it. Some of the stuff is obviously hard to hear but I would rather hear it then be lied to. My biggest concern now is when baby arrives what will he do then? He’s told me he won’t do it in the same house as the baby or around the baby and he’s hoping to not do it at all by the time baby’s born but I have a worry that this is going to be another bad stressful situation I’m going to have to face. I’ve come to terms he’s an addict and that he craves it and I’ve sort of aloud him to do it once a week as there’s nothing I can do to stop him but the worry is always there when baby’s here he will just continue. It seems like when one thing gets resolved, another one crops up. We’re both in a better situation as a couple and like I said I can accept the once a week but it’s not going to be just the 2 of us for ever and it’s a big worry.

[popsxx]

It’s got to the point now where nothing surprises me. I’ve known deep down for a while that he won’t change and it will only get worse (which it has) but I’ve been lying to myself hoping things will get better for me and the baby.

The work situation with your husband, my boyfriend used that excuse too when he was working long hours. He will always find a reason or excuse to do what he does. Every Friday he would come in with a few beers and couple of bags and over explain why he’s doing it.

Now he’s not living with me he’s doing it even more and he will deny it the next day saying I’m being paranoid and that he’s not touched anything, getting into my head and making me second guess myself all the time. That’s where I’ve gone wrong in the past as well thinking it must be me imagining it or maybe I have over reacted and what if what he’s saying is the truth when in fact the majority of the time I was right and It all comes out in the end.

[popsxx]

I’ve decided to do the same and leave him for good this time. Tonight was the final straw, I don’t know why but every time he does it im always surprised, upset and hurt. He told me he didn’t want to see me tonight due to being tired which I got my back up straight away then to find out at 4pm that he was sat by himself doing it. The best of it is He’s recently started accusing me of cheating on him which is definatly linked with the drug taking ect. He has an appointment this week with his doctor but has told me he doesn’t want to go and that he can do it by himself. That to me says it all, that he’s happy doing what he’s doing and won’t change for anyone. He’s also told me previously that he will kill himself whilst on drugs and even sat on the bed with me with a knife threatening to slit his own wrists obviously didn’t do it but I don’t know what his gain was from it. I need some of your strength as the only reason I’ve gone back in the past is because I’m soft and always see the best in people. I’m starting to question is this the real him and he’s hid it so well for so long and now I’m pregnant and have some sort of long term connection with him it’s okay being himself because I can’t do anything about it.

[popsxx]

Sorry for the late reply I’ve been trying to work through stuff. I decided to leave him and carry on by myself as I couldn’t see things changing and his attitude towards me was disgusting. Something I don’t need whilst going through the stress and being pregnant.

Anyways within the past week we have been chatting and met up a few times and he’s told me he’s not touched anything for 3 weeks which I didn’t really believe but went along with it. I come to his house last night to find a couple of empty packets lying around. When I asked him about them he come up with a quick excuse and brushed it off. I didn’t push as I knew he was lying but was hoping he would come clean eventually. I’ve been talking to him all today and he’s been very snappy and short which I only know too well, he’s craving it. Tonight I’ve been on his phone (which I know is wrong of me) but it all confirms it, the last time he took it (which I know of) was Saturday and I’m assuming that’s what the empty packets were. I’m just back to square one again just as I begin to try I just get knocked down again. I’m just confused because I don’t know why he’s clinging on to me. I’ve told him I can’t put myself and the baby through this if it carrys on and he’s lying to keep me in his life I just don’t understand why because it all comes out in the end the more time I spend with him he can’t hide it. He even had me apologize to him on Saturday because I was paranoid about him talking it and he reassured me he wasn’t and he understands that I’m hurt because he’s made me this way. I just don’t know if he sees it as a game. I’m just struggling to understand

[popsxx]

That’s how I thought he would be. He was so excited when I first told him and now he’s a completely different person! Neither do I, i thought things would change and he would grow up but he’s clearly doing the opposite.

It’s possible but what approach do I take? It’s all new to me and I’m constantly treading on egg shells around him. I don’t know what to do for the best

[popsxx]

It feels like we’re not together any more. That’s how much this has taken over. No I don’t see you being negative at all, if anything talking to you is helpful. This is our first baby and I don’t think he realises how hard it is being pregnant with your first child also how hard it is to bring a child up. I think he’s in a world of his own I would love to be in his head for the day to know what he’s thinking and feeling. It’s confusing always telling me one thing and doing another

[popsxx]

It’s made things a lot worse him not living with me and it’s like hes stuck in a vicious cycle now because when he is with me I know He’s thinking about that and every opportunity he gets to go out and have it he takes with both hands and happily leaves me. I’ve not seen him now for over a week, i was meant to see him last night to talk but when it come to coming round he was late. I rang him and his phone was off and I’ve still not heard from him. I don’t know what to do for the best, I love him and he’s the best person ever off it but it’s not just ruining his life it’s ruining mine too. Yes my family know the situation and they all support me and will support me with whatever decision I make. His family also support me. I’m just lost in what to do for the best

[popsxx]

Thank you for responding, it sounds like your doing well and are on the right path thats all that matters its baby steps.

He’s spending a lot, as in like hundreds on it and he will also sit on his own and have it once has has it he won’t stop until it’s all gone It doesnt matter if its through the week or weekends. In the past I’ve taken it off him and flushed it away and he’s begged me for ‘1 more go’ before i get rid, it’s horrible to see someone beg for something like that. I don’t know how much he’s having now and how often because he’s no longer living with me. I thought not having him living with me would open his eyes but he’s taken advantage of the situation. I’m scared of bringing this baby up on my own and it’s killing me knowing that’s more than likely going to happen but I can’t have my baby around him when he’s doing it. When he’s on a come down he’s very aggressive and abusive and he’s putting me through hell. He’s constantly lying, trying to manipulate me, avoiding me and turning things round on me. He doesn’t need a drink to have it he would rather be on his own with his sniff and weed but he also priorities his friends who take it as well. I just feel pushed out and left feeling unwanted. I just want him to open his eyes and see how good things can be but he’s constantly making things worse. I’ve tried all sorts of different approaches with him and nothing seems to work. It seems he realises and feels guilty at the time of me talking to him and gives me all empty promises and false hope that things will be good afain then goes straight back to doing it.

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