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The money side of things is really tough but it’s a good step that you have control of the finances. I basically try to pay everything myself. I don’t know what my husband earns and it seems to vanish as soon as it goes in. The ‘focus on yourself’ is really hard but I guess taking one day at a time probably helps and keep reminding yourself that you’ll get through this. Don’t drain yourself completely supporting him, it’s not your burden to carry

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I’m so sorry you feel this way but I understand and I feel the same. My husband is also a cocaine addict. He’s meant to be trying to recover and stayed home for the past 2months but the last couple of days he’s found strange excuses to see his best friend (this is who he started using with). When he left last night he took the car but took his van keys, when he came home I picked up his van keys and asked to look in his van and he completely freaked out. It caused a huge argument which ended up in me feeling crazy and paranoid. You possibly are a little depressed, it’s so much to take on your plate and really messes with your head. Unfortunately addiction is very selfish, addicts don’t see what they’re putting those they love through. Feel free to talk here any time, I feel it really helps and nobody judges you. It’s a lonely feeling but know that you are not alone and there are others who are going through the same things you are and we’re here to help and support each other

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Hi YorkieMum, first of all well done you for admitting it’s a problem, seeking help and trying to beat your demons. That’s a gigantic step on its own. My husband is a cocaine addict and still can’t accept that it’s a problem, I feel that’s our biggest step to get past. I think if you speak to your husband I would hope you’ll be surprised that he’ll be proud you’re admitting it’s an issue and trying. Yes you absolutely can beat it but you need help and support to get you there x

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Hi Alan, I’m so sorry you’re in this position. My husband has also gotten himself in this position and similar circumstances, all his friends do it and he refuses to stay away from them. We now barely talk and I have no idea what to do or say to help him.

Do you think you could talk to your partner?

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Hi Joe, first of all you absolutely want to be here and this forum is full of people who will help and support you.

The way I see it is you have two options here, you can blame everyone for your problems and wallow in self pity or you can get up and turn your life around. You will get a new job and a new home and you will be happy again.

You feel you’ve lost everything so start again. You can do this

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Hi Danman, do you think buying some drug testing kits is a good idea or will he take offense and see it as unsupportive? He claims he’s not touched it and he is staying home but I just don’t believe him. If he has stopped he didn’t seem to struggle much which I find surprising after how much of a problem he had/has

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Yes it’s heartbreaking isn’t it because you didn’t want to leave the person, it’s the choices the person is making that make you leave. It’s also hard because when we love someone we try harder than we should in hopes we’ll be enough for them but it doesn’t work that way.

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I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. I’ve been there too, crying at nights until my eyes are all puffy. You need to remember that this is not about you, it’s his demons and his mistakes. I think it’s important in this situation to start focusing on yourself and your kids. As hard as it is to accept, he is not your responsibility, you can’t make it do anything he doesn’t want to. He has to want to change himself. I’m here if you need to talk anytime

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Hi Harley, I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through this but you’ve shown amazing strength in walking away. I wish I could be strong enough to do it too and I’m building towards that. It’s not your fault and I know you feel, my husbands family and friends also refuse to accept there’s a problem and say ‘everyone does it’. I’ve spoken to Danman previously and he gives great advice from the other perspective. I believe also that unless they see a problem, seek help and want to stop nothing will change I’m afraid. You need to focus on yourself at the moment and work on your life and your happiness

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Thank you for all your help. I wish you the best on your journey, please keep me updated on how you get on and I’ll do vice versa 🙂

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I’m so sorry you had to go through this also. He also has excuses to nip to the shop late at night. You’re right it is soul destroying, I feel I’m baby sitting him most days and other days I’m his emotional punching bag. I find it so hard to walk away but know inevitably this is what will happen

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This would make sense, he often sniffs when he’s at the front door or in the toilet, I’ve turned the house upside down and can’t find anything. Last night I gave up waiting up by 2am, I have no idea what time he went to bed but he was up with the kids this morning and left me to sleep. I appreciate all your help and advice. I feel so sad for him that he can’t stop even when he knows he’s going to lose everything.

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I have no idea, sometimes I get curious, like he smokes and I don’t so he smokes outside, sometimes if he’s out smoking I hear him sniffing but never see him go in his pockets etc. If he was I don’t know where he would be hiding it or where he’s getting it, it’s lockdown and he doesn’t go out and I’m here almost all the time. Some nights he stays up pretty late after Ive gone to bed, I wonder if someone maybe drops it off once I’m sleeping? I feel like it’s not my job to keep an eye on him though, he either wants to stop or he doesn’t, I can’t babysit him for the rest of our lives. He’s mostly back to himself, the tantrums have stopped but he still sniffs all day every day. I’ll stay up until he goes to bed next few nights and see his reaction? It’s fairly easy to tell, he’s Jekyll and Hyde. Lovely guy without it, very sweet yet when on it very nasty, shouting, name calling etc

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He doesn’t have any social media and he’s not been out in weeks, he won’t even go to the shop but he sniffles consistently and I feel like I’m so paranoid now too but I know it was bad as in a weekly basis minimum.

Well done on being on week4, that’s an achievement and you should be proud of yourself 🙂

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Thank you so much for replying to me. His come downs he’s very aggressive, tired, moody, defensive. He has stayed home for a month now since I found out and isn’t going out or meeting anyone but refuses to delete peoples numbers or break contact. I’ve found cannabis hidden in jars in the garden twice since which I believe ‘friends’ are leaving there for him and both times I’ve chucked it in a wheelie bin far from the house without telling him. I’ve made it clear I won’t accept it or enable it. He needs to be clean of everything. I’m finding it hard to believe he’ll ever stop but feeling sad at the thought of leaving him as we’ve been together since we were very young

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