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I definitely found that my partner would get angry and be unpleasant when they started to go without it. Maybe the effects of coming clean?
Hello. I would certainly say the behaviour you’re describing is what I experienced with my partner when he was using. I found he would belittle me and change in character especially if I called him out for his behaviour or if I noticed something suspicious. I also found my partner would smirk and goad me. It’s such a destructive drug. I’m having to try and work out who my partner actually is now
It’s the hardest thing to be part of the chaos around addiction. They are so caught up in keeping their addiction hidden and alive they cannot see what is going on. For your own sanity and health maybe some time on your own would help. Try to do things just for you and see people who you love to be around. Until he recognises he has a problem it’s impossible to help. He has to get there by himself. It is so so hard being caught up in it all
It’s such a hard thing to process having a loved one who is an addict. I personally have tried to separate myself from the situation. My addict is attending regular support groups and saying they are determined to get better but at the moment I cannot believe anything they say. Part of me does not doubt the intentions they have but for my own sanity I cannot allow myself to be sucked into the rabbit hole of the lies if it turns out not to be a ‘true’ recovery.
Where possible try to protect yourself and your family from any financial fall out from your partner by seeking advice from a professional.
I understand your feelings of loving your partner but if he is addicted to coke his brains been hijacked. It sounds like he needs help but please look after yourself in this situation. Sending lots of well wishes and support
Im sorry to hear how much you are suffering. Addiction is a hideous disease and I hadn’t ever appreciated how much it damages loved ones until my own family were affected by it.
Take one day at a time – try to take strength in getting through each moment. Saying it out loud or writing the words is an achievement. At first I couldn’t even say the words.
I was so ashamed of what my partner had become.
Sending lots of love and strength x
I’m really sorry to hear this Debbie. Have you got family and friends around?
It’s hard to distinguish between the real person and the addict. I have waves of feeling hideous then back to thinking I can cope. I’m finding it hard to wrack my brains around it all. It’s really hard to understand why they can’t just stop. Such destructive drug.
It’s hard to know where to even start with conversations.
My husband told me two weeks ago that he’d relapsed and spent a further 14k on coke. At the moment he says he’s committed to following the 12 step programme but in the meantime I’ve caught him watching porn and searching for credit cards and loans so I’m not hopeful and can’t stand to even be in the same room as him.
That’s exactly what my partner said. It’s a release from stress. I feel your pain x
Good luck tonight it’s so so difficult. I completely hear what you are saying and if you’re anything like me you’ll be so conflicted with all the emotions you have. It’s such a toxic and destructive drug. I hope things go okay for you. Sending lots of positivity x
Same- thank you for your sharing everyone. Take care – we can do this x
I’m trying to set my boundaries and trying to separate our lives from his so I can have the strength to divorce if he relapses. That’s much easier said than done. What a crazy world we live in. Oh well another day survived x
It’s definitely changed me as a person I do spend a lot of time in my own head and thoughts. I used to be really sociable but I often make excuses that I’m exhausted to explain why I’m quiet. We recently had a family photo taken after, what I thought was, a year of him being clean only to discover he’s actually high in the photo. It’s like it’s tainted every aspect of our lives
My partner has taken a long time to admit that coke has changed him. At the moment I’m trying to do the things I can to protect the children and me from any further relapses. I naively thought something like this would never happen to me. I think that’s why it’s been hard to accept but hearing I’m not the only person this has/is effecting has helped.
I don’t think I’ve ever felt rage like this ever in my life. The only thing I can compare it to is grief.
I do find it impossible to talk about with friends and family right now – I think I feel shame at what has happened.
Thank you for sharing your story. There are some definite common threads I can see in your story and mine. I can relate to the feelings you’ve had and have. At first I was in utter shock and disbelief. It’s shocking what an addict will do.
Do you have any advice on places or groups for support that have helped you?