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It must have been difficult to finally make the decision to move on. My mother stay with my abusive father for 40+ years before she left. She moved out but stayed in a relationship with him. She said was easy because she would leave from visiting him if he starting drinking, and because he wanted her to stay he waited till she left to drink.
Not saying this is for you. It looks like you are on the right track. When you leave you know you can rebuild your life and start over.
Kellie this is so hard because there is nothing we can do to change them. They have to want it enough to get help and do everything to stay drug free. Until then we have to do everything to keep the family together. One thing I did that really helped relieve my stress is tell my family the truth and stop lying to them. They surprisingly were very supportive, because they all love him just as much as I do. I don’t tell them the whole details, just that he has an addiction and he wants to get stop, but nothing has worked. I live my days by enjoying what pleases me without guilt. I have separated our money, so he only pays for his debts. I was established before we marrried, so I can afford everything without his income. Unfortunately, he makes more money than I do but most of it doesn’t comes to the household.
Have you all noticed that all the help is for opioid users and alcoholics, but all the treatments out there is not working on cocain addicts. My husband really wants to stop and has tried everything out there, but is not working. He even tried the medicine that takes the desire away and makes you sick if you do it. He went the longest with that lasting 9 months. After all that time he was still able to use and it has not worked sense. It so hard knowing he wants to stop but can’t find what works. He has even been I rehab a few times. 3 times it was more than 3 months. One as long as 6 months.
It is like I am in a waiting game waiting to get my love back, until then I enjoy the good moments and not let the bad times get me too down.
You are making the tough decisions and you must for the children. He has to first acknowledge he has a problem. He is not there. He may start to realize it when he loses his family. It is hard to say what would be their breaking point. All we can do is be there for them when they are ready to change. The hard part is there is nothing we can do until they are ready. They have to want it enough to reach out for help and do all it takes to stay sober.
I can’t give any advice but I am in the same situation as you. Very similar, he is impotent, uses cocain, we sleep in separate rooms, he is gone for days at a time, and he cannot handle any money or he will drug it up. I don’t know what to do, because I love him so much. I have been with him for 9 years with 7 years like this, but it has gotten worse over the years. I will never leave but I don’t know if he will ever change and will be my life forever. We are both 53 years old. We have careers we love and should be living our best life, but this prevents us from living our dream. We still have lots of good days but the bad days prevent us from getting ahead.