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š Bella pop .
My doctor said to me itās like being married to a big child ha sheās quite brutal but made me laugh ( made my meds review not as depressing no pun intended ).
Mine commented yesterday on how heās figuring out why he started doing the stuff in the first place although he seems to have forgotten heās been taking ārecreationallyā on nights out for approx 15 years !!!. He implied it was because of our relationship – I didnāt take kindly to that but maybe it is in some way ā¦ but I havenāt turned to anything ! Donāt even drink ! Good job tbf xx
Oh dear donāt put too much pressure on yourself . No not a thing been over a month , hope to his sheās ok, find it strange sheās not commented again – just hoping sheās ok been logging on but doesnāt feel like talking š xx
Mammy how are you ? Not heard from you for a while xx
Bless your baby Razy , mine have been the same because he goes off on a bender so Often and makes no contact at all ( I could never do no matter what I was u see the influence of ! ).
Sorry to be so glum on my messages . Iām in a really awful place . Love you and leave you for now . Take care girls thanks for always listening and reminding me that I am not alone – even though we canāt see each other itās comforting to know somewhere out there thereās others that completely get all this sh1t show xxxxxx
Thing is too I know that somewhere in there the guy I fell in love with is there – but this version I donāt recognise and cannot stand any longer . And I canāt keep waiting and hoping for my old love to reappear because that may never happen ever xx
Sorry Fayzey just realised I didnāt read names properly before and you had replied ( Iāve barely slept last night ).mine tells me that Iām going to have our boys from a broken home if I make to decision to quit . And I will have to take them out of the family home as we would have to sell . Iām so scared of damaging my kids but Iām damaged and I canāt be there for them properly the way it is now .
Razzy Iām a little the other way I think deep down I wish he would end it then he would put me out of my misery . Mine just keeps telling me that we will talk when we are more comfortable ?! ā¦ what the hell does that mean – thing is thereās not one thing left to discuss apart from splitting and who goes where . Iām so sad and so done xxxxxxx
Thanks Bella ā¤ļø , just made me cry because thatās so true . I feel like everyone else is growing old together and tackling life as a team and here – nothing , Iāve nothing left in the tank . I know nobodyās relationship is perfect but this – itās a car crash I wish it on no one . And mine just thinks we have relationship problems like thereās nothing he else in the picture – god how deluded does coke make them xxxxxx
Morning bellapop and you all x
Iām feeling so down , I know after the bust we had and the two days of him clearing off again to use and god knows what else I have to end this , I cannot live like this any longer , and no matter what he says I have to stick to my guns . Iām so miserable , been having trouble functioning – I canāt be on my best mummy duties because Iām so distracted and screwed up . Iāve tried everything and tried to reset and make it work so many times .
Iāve been thinking , i have counselling for this , go to meditation classes Iāve had to put myself into things to help me heal and try to find a way through ā¦ and he has done absolutely nothing to try and fix himself , just week after week lie to me about how this is the week it ends and he doesnāt need help because heās not an addict !? . 2 years later ā¦ Iām still no further on just more damaged mentally and in my heart . Sorry what a glum message for first thing . Hope you all have some of decent weekend , keep strong ladies xxxxx
I have seen that too siblings brought up the same – but then took complete different paths to one another .
Yeh I spoke to someone I knew who does it ā recreationally ā and he said as long as you recognise to put the white stuff down before Monday mornings work itās ok ā¦ it wasnāt a thing around me when I was younger .. so the attitude takes me back as to how trivial it is. I hated drugs before but my god I hate them now . Think I said on here previously canāt watch a thing program now showing it without getting wound up over it .
Right well when you write that book – invite me to your book launch pls ! Iāll be one of your biggest fans and clapping throughout !!!! š xx
Drugs part of every day life then for some , not for us all though xx
Razzy sorry quick reply as up to my neck with kids š absolutely not off your nut, Iāve said to mine previously I would never stop him from seeing his kids they all adore one another – but I will always test and if he canāt pass or abide to that then he misses out. Not fair to the kids but no way would I have anyone under the influence looking after my precious babies .amazing how his sister justifies his behaviour – shoe on other foot Iām sure she would be chirping up with a different tune ! Xx
Yep I get what you mean Iām standing in way if he wants to do it – thatās probably what his Iām trapped claims were all About last night because he sure as hell doesnāt have a trapped life .
Last night arguing was vicious though ,they are getting worse š thereās a line and it canāt be crossed but itās too close – I tried to stop him leaving so I didnāt help matters .
Catch you later no doubt . Plenty of mum fuel – coffee today xx
Morning ,Dont worry bellapop thereās sometimes gremlins in the system when posting Isnāt there . If like to blame my spelling on it sometimes but I canāt unfortunately ha.
Fayzey – thatās stressful how awful . You must try and rest yourself, I find I live off the adrenaline stress for ages and then I get something really bad ten fold :/ .
I hope to god that what heās saying is a moment in time scenario . Letās us know how today goes when you can .
No mine didnāt come back last night . Itās usual that though , if heās gone back to the coke he might clear off for a few days binging . But hoping not for his sake .
I keep him in my sights when heās doing the test which is rubbish in itself I always think as if itās come to this . Like I said last week he drank a 1.5 bottle of water before the test in order to cover up he had used unlucky for him it still picks it up faintly .
Maybe heās not on it maybe Iām wrong but now the testing regularly and him ārecovering ā seems to of changed his attitude just this arrogance of me like I have no right to any expectations from him ?! .I feel like he canāt balance work , home life and obvious the addiction over all that . Heās abandoned me so many times physically but mentally , emotionally . I canāt handle his selfishness and my resentment ignites my anger of what heās done when something happens that I think hang on a minute the cracks are showing everywhere with us š .
Kids have already asked where he is . Going to be a long day .
Fayzey keep strong your doing good even though it wonāt feel like that right now.
Xx
Song made me cry x
Going to listen to that song Bella pop thanks .
Sounds like a trying day , thatās what mines been like all week , then he got paid today arrogant head came back and said he needed some time out so just went to drop out kids at home with me whilst he went out . I was like why canāt you go after bath and bedtime ?. Heās done this all week – complained when Iāve asked him to muck in , let me down last minute for things and Iāve is yo do them , and then had the nerve to say I trap him – all hell broke loose arguing and he left , Iām feeling sad , Iām doing some work for work because I canāt sleep . I tested him tonight and it came up with a faint negative but his routine and attitude isnāt adding up he drank copious amounts of water last week when he tried to avoid the test when he had taken but that came up faint negative too .Heās started to complain about me testing him and asking for help what reason when I do ā¦ because youāve been an addict for over two years maybe !. Bella pop you do sound brighter even if you are feeling tired and miffed .
Fayzey hope your ok too,
Going to try and get some sleep . So fed up with all this . The kids saw some of it tonight Iām mortified it all happened so quit and got heated so get .
Nights girls . Sleep well xx