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Hey Fayzey . Am ok but big changes here .. we went on our family holiday , he craved through most of it non stop smoking and drinking as couldn’t get his hands on that junk . The day after we flew home he said he was nipping out for an hour or so and disappeared for 3 days binging , no contact nothing , when I finally heard from him – or I found him binging with one of his other coke idiot friends I told him this was it. And it is, our family home is up for sale , and I plan to start divorce proceedings in the not too distant future . I have a rented house lined up to go to with the children and home life with just us is calmer. But he’s still on his merry go round from hell , uses , isolates, hates ( esp me when high) comes off, crashes, cries, remorse, tries yo get clean can’t hack it and so does it all again – you know that script Fayzey.
Mine has also referred to rehab but he is only telling everyone around what they want to hear . Right now there’s no way he’s anywhere near recovery . I feel like i have deserted him if some ways- like I wonder ..did I love enough rather than just coped and fumed , but I think I’ve done all I could . Such a bad mental battle for us partners isn’t it – I will always have “ what ifs” I think .
I really hope yours is serious and it’s the first step for him . Do you think there’s a chance for you both if he shows he could be in recovery ?, hoping it works out for you but mainly hope you get your happy whichever way it goes xx
Hello all,
Awh Bella pop I’m gutted for you , it’s so awful the cycle I have no words of advice so sorry – because you have read my previous posts and know I’ve been in that boat too .
Fayzey – hoping things are calm
For you at the moment ?.
And navy sending you a big hug , my heart ached at your last post about how long since he last held you . I completely relate – I can’t remember when mine held me tight genuinely the last time . So long ago I didn’t embrace it enough to keep as a memory xxx
Strength and love to you all xx
Morning ladies ,
Mine can look for blame all he likes but he still refuses to seek professional help that’s what he should be addressing first off :/.
Fazey you must be shattered – emotional adrenaline whilst he causes the chaos and then when it ends the exhaustion sweeps over doesn’t it – does good for treats though like hair 🙂 I promise myself little treats like that every so often just to get by- helps massively – hope your time off helps you recover . Bella hope yours is going ok too.
Catch you soon – take care xxx
🙂 Bella pop .
My doctor said to me it’s like being married to a big child ha she’s quite brutal but made me laugh ( made my meds review not as depressing no pun intended ).
Mine commented yesterday on how he’s figuring out why he started doing the stuff in the first place although he seems to have forgotten he’s been taking “recreationally” on nights out for approx 15 years !!!. He implied it was because of our relationship – I didn’t take kindly to that but maybe it is in some way … but I haven’t turned to anything ! Don’t even drink ! Good job tbf xx
Oh dear don’t put too much pressure on yourself . No not a thing been over a month , hope to his she’s ok, find it strange she’s not commented again – just hoping she’s ok been logging on but doesn’t feel like talking 🙁 xx
Mammy how are you ? Not heard from you for a while xx
Bless your baby Razy , mine have been the same because he goes off on a bender so Often and makes no contact at all ( I could never do no matter what I was u see the influence of ! ).
Sorry to be so glum on my messages . I’m in a really awful place . Love you and leave you for now . Take care girls thanks for always listening and reminding me that I am not alone – even though we can’t see each other it’s comforting to know somewhere out there there’s others that completely get all this sh1t show xxxxxx
Thing is too I know that somewhere in there the guy I fell in love with is there – but this version I don’t recognise and cannot stand any longer . And I can’t keep waiting and hoping for my old love to reappear because that may never happen ever xx
Sorry Fayzey just realised I didn’t read names properly before and you had replied ( I’ve barely slept last night ).mine tells me that I’m going to have our boys from a broken home if I make to decision to quit . And I will have to take them out of the family home as we would have to sell . I’m so scared of damaging my kids but I’m damaged and I can’t be there for them properly the way it is now .
Razzy I’m a little the other way I think deep down I wish he would end it then he would put me out of my misery . Mine just keeps telling me that we will talk when we are more comfortable ?! … what the hell does that mean – thing is there’s not one thing left to discuss apart from splitting and who goes where . I’m so sad and so done xxxxxxx
Thanks Bella ❤️ , just made me cry because that’s so true . I feel like everyone else is growing old together and tackling life as a team and here – nothing , I’ve nothing left in the tank . I know nobody’s relationship is perfect but this – it’s a car crash I wish it on no one . And mine just thinks we have relationship problems like there’s nothing he else in the picture – god how deluded does coke make them xxxxxx
Morning bellapop and you all x
I’m feeling so down , I know after the bust we had and the two days of him clearing off again to use and god knows what else I have to end this , I cannot live like this any longer , and no matter what he says I have to stick to my guns . I’m so miserable , been having trouble functioning – I can’t be on my best mummy duties because I’m so distracted and screwed up . I’ve tried everything and tried to reset and make it work so many times .
I’ve been thinking , i have counselling for this , go to meditation classes I’ve had to put myself into things to help me heal and try to find a way through … and he has done absolutely nothing to try and fix himself , just week after week lie to me about how this is the week it ends and he doesn’t need help because he’s not an addict !? . 2 years later … I’m still no further on just more damaged mentally and in my heart . Sorry what a glum message for first thing . Hope you all have some of decent weekend , keep strong ladies xxxxx
I have seen that too siblings brought up the same – but then took complete different paths to one another .
Yeh I spoke to someone I knew who does it “ recreationally “ and he said as long as you recognise to put the white stuff down before Monday mornings work it’s ok … it wasn’t a thing around me when I was younger .. so the attitude takes me back as to how trivial it is. I hated drugs before but my god I hate them now . Think I said on here previously can’t watch a thing program now showing it without getting wound up over it .
Right well when you write that book – invite me to your book launch pls ! I’ll be one of your biggest fans and clapping throughout !!!! 😉 xx
Drugs part of every day life then for some , not for us all though xx
Razzy sorry quick reply as up to my neck with kids 🙂 absolutely not off your nut, I’ve said to mine previously I would never stop him from seeing his kids they all adore one another – but I will always test and if he can’t pass or abide to that then he misses out. Not fair to the kids but no way would I have anyone under the influence looking after my precious babies .amazing how his sister justifies his behaviour – shoe on other foot I’m sure she would be chirping up with a different tune ! Xx
Yep I get what you mean I’m standing in way if he wants to do it – that’s probably what his I’m trapped claims were all About last night because he sure as hell doesn’t have a trapped life .
Last night arguing was vicious though ,they are getting worse 🙁 there’s a line and it can’t be crossed but it’s too close – I tried to stop him leaving so I didn’t help matters .
Catch you later no doubt . Plenty of mum fuel – coffee today xx