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You are not a mug . It’s all part of the nasty tangled web of cocaine . You must not beat yourself over this . He’s a disgrace xx

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Mammy I’m so so sorry . He’s been cheating have i read that right? If so what a pig. Sending you a big hug , I came on here yesterday to see if DHAC had been on :(. So hope she’s ok xx

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Still hoping your ok since your last post xx

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That’s it – we can do this and we will come out the other side .

Try and look after yourself Mammy , don’t let that cr a p get the better of you too .

I’m at the stage where I’m sick of talking and thinking about cocaine every day and I’ve never had personal dealing with that rubbish ! It’s a sick joke .

Exhausts and rules me still .

Sending you a hug and a high 5 🙂 your doing a great job ..we all are xx

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That’s it – we can do this and we will come out the other side .

Try and look after yourself Mammy , don’t let that cr a p get the better of you too .

I’m at the stage where I’m sick of talking and thinking about cocaine every day and I’ve never had personal dealing with that rubbish ! It’s a sick joke .

Exhausts and rules me still .

Sending you a hug and a high 5 🙂 your doing a great job ..we all are xx

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Mammy- sitting on the worst rollercoaster in the world . OH going awol on binges , crash downs, moods , still denying using until cornered , confiscating drugs like a teacher or something . Bleeding torture isn’t it . But I’m holding it together for my kids and trying to maintain me .

How are you ? I’ve caught up on your msgs. You sound stronger .

So hoping DHAC gets in touch , I know it breaches but maybe. moderators should have means of contact for situations like this x

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Sorry I’ve been on for a while been reserving strength 🙁 – I’m sure you know how it is – everyday chaotic .

Really worried to see all notifications and hoping donthaveaclue is ok . Hoping it’s WiFi like Mammy said . Come on DHAC get in touch lovely xx

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Sorry I’ve been on for a while been reserving strength 🙁 – I’m sure you know how it is – everyday chaotic .

Really worried to see all notifications and hoping donthaveaclue is ok . Hoping it’s WiFi like Mammy said . Come on DHAC get in touch lovely xx

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Lawn01 just wondering how your getting on . I’ve been going through this with my husband for the last year . I can relate to most things your saying in your post too . It’s horrendous .

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KStar , your words are comforting to me that this end result is possible although I never wanted to “ lose” my OH, but the coke has already done that – he has allowed it . I plan to separate too but I’m not just strong enough to start the ball rolling yet . .

When I asked him to leave for the few weeks I felt peace – I could focus on me which meant I was a better calmer mummy -I could of happy carried on like that I think too , and even though he is back and we are only living under a roof at the moment- no relationship . I can’t muster energy to do anything as my thoughts are taken by him and his addiction every single day .

DHAC I know exactly what you mean – I carry resentment and anger for him although this man deep down not on drugs is a lovely one – this is what makes me want to look after him still and feel pain at what he’s done to himself. But I can’t stay with him because of this – everyday and every week it’s just hell . I’m numb to it now and can’t ever think how we would go back to being US even if he did kick his habit , I think I would be forever paranoid and on edge ☹️X

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Thanks both , Hi Mammy hope your doing ok ?. He stayed out last night and came back today . Today he’s in vulnerable mode saying sorry , doing what he can around the house and with the kids . But when it comes to time where we should be discussing us .. he’s fell asleep like normal brushing it all under the carpet AGAIN . My family are now saying I need to leave as there’s no hope . And I know this for sure nearly but I have a Glimmer of hope still regardless of the lies and deceit and he keeps saying it’s work that has pushed him to this using everyday . I just think of him as he was before and it’s caving my head and so I’m not being realistic. I wouldn’t feel like this if I hadn’t of bought into his vow of sobriety last week .I feel weak now and not ready for change but I’m sure things are not going to change with him anytime soon and I need to make the first step to go. I don’t want to but I know I’m stuck in this rut and he keeps taking me for the ride each week for the last year at least . I hated drugs before but I most certainly do now x

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Hello , this is me too . I thought we turned a corner 10 days ago allowed him back home to support I actually felt a glimmer of hope for the first time in ages as this time he sounded different . He had a short break away Came back and within 24 hours he’s used again this all unfolded last night , won’t get professional help and we are getting into financial difficulties because of his wreckless behaviour.

I’m going to break my kids hearts as it’s been bad enough for them whilst he’s been out of the home recently due to his use . But I cannot continue… like DHAC said my tanks empty, I’m exhausted all the time I need peace in my life . But I now need to figure where to start unravelling from this life . Your not alone KStar. It’s awful but I’m so glad there’s others that understand so well on here . Dazzle you sound like a mirrored story to me too – it’s so hard isn’t it . I feel like Ive dropped off a ledge this morning but I’ll get stronger again though as the hours go by and be able to start making decisions .that are best for me and my boys xx

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Answered my own question , asked him to do a test he came back in with an empty pot and that was my result – lied all day again , this time was different he said . 🙁 thanks for reading anyway x

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James , sorry for the loss of your nan, she sounds like a beautiful loving lady keep hold tight of though cherished memories .

Stay strong and keep faith in yourself , take it hour by hour and know that you are not alone . Sending strength and hugs. Your nan, mum and dad are with you every step of the way in your heart forever. You can do this 🙂 x

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Mammy I hope you eventually feel strong enough to move on unfortunately I don’t think we will ever find the answers we are looking for . just try and concentrate on you and your babies xx cheers Natasha I have been concentrating on myself and our children but I can’t bear to be around him on that sh1te so I’ve made the decision and if he doesn’t quit I’m gone . We are in bother financially , he’s not lifted a finger at home for about 12 months and then the drugs to top it off. I’m not living my life out as a second to cocaine I cant deal with him as I have to look after my children and myself so I’m here for them . Mammy sending a hug to you , Natasha sending you some strong survivor vibes xx

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