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Answered my own question , asked him to do a test he came back in with an empty pot and that was my result – lied all day again , this time was different he said . 🙁 thanks for reading anyway x

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James , sorry for the loss of your nan, she sounds like a beautiful loving lady keep hold tight of though cherished memories .

Stay strong and keep faith in yourself , take it hour by hour and know that you are not alone . Sending strength and hugs. Your nan, mum and dad are with you every step of the way in your heart forever. You can do this 🙂 x

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Mammy I hope you eventually feel strong enough to move on unfortunately I don’t think we will ever find the answers we are looking for . just try and concentrate on you and your babies xx cheers Natasha I have been concentrating on myself and our children but I can’t bear to be around him on that sh1te so I’ve made the decision and if he doesn’t quit I’m gone . We are in bother financially , he’s not lifted a finger at home for about 12 months and then the drugs to top it off. I’m not living my life out as a second to cocaine I cant deal with him as I have to look after my children and myself so I’m here for them . Mammy sending a hug to you , Natasha sending you some strong survivor vibes xx

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Hi Mammy , hope your doing ok even in these awful situations we are in . I hope yours is maybe trying to get off ?, that was the latest round of lies from mine was he wasn’t doing it , until I outed him and he started doing “ a bit” first thing in the mornings before work ?! so by the time I saw him after work it really wasn’t that obvious.. but mine is a crap liar and can’t keep eye contact when I ask him so big give away. Are you feeling any further forward at all ?. My last few weeks have been awful and I couldn’t face coming on here I was that down beat and sad. Alot has happened I’m feeling more positive even though I’ve no clue what’s going to happen next x x

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I vouch for what Danman said that book is very good and is available on audible app ( I’m rubbish at picking up books I don’t stick to them ) . The author is the founder of drugfam ( they are a godsend for me too with support) . It gave me comfort and more understanding to my husbands cocaine addiction . Sending strength Suey , it’s dam tough – hugs x

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Hi Ladies, sorry not posted for a little while hope your both doing ok , hope Mother’s Day showed you love and made you feel your worth ❤️.

I’ve had a hard two weeks . Aftermath of more truths unfolding the fallout from the poison . Mines still falling off the waggon every few days . Went on a bender last week and claimed he was fully entitled to do so because he’s had it so hard and so stressed – join the club pal!!! If I came out left the kids with him w and went shovelling crap up my nose like him – I can only imagine how he would take that . But they don’t think like that do they .I’ve had a few wobbles letting it get to me having a meltdown but then the strength comes through ( I think it’s that anyway ) numbness and I pick myself up and crack on keeping mine and the kids life normal . Anyhow – hope you’re both ok. Sending big strong mama vibes to you both , look forward to hearing from you x

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I hope your little lad has a good birthday today .

Yeh another week of Groundhog Day . Stay tough ladies xx

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Mine has had moments of the same a really arrogant behaviour and that’s when he’s on it . It’s soul destroying I feel your pain try to be strong and focused you know this isn’t your doing . It’s ok here but week days are when it goes wrong here when it does . Monday always determines how the week is gonna go. I’m just trying to focus and me and my kids and taking each day as it comes x

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I know it’s hard to stomach Mammy but he will lash out and blame anyone but himself because he’s that far into it. He won’t realise his mistakes until he’s ready to see them , I know it’s so hard but the coke has taken over him right now . I know you don’t want to take the court route but you must remember he’s done this not you , he really hasn’t given you a choice x

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Hiya Mammy does that rest depend on whether he sees your boys ? X

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Exactly push through , you too x

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Hiya How you feeling this morning ? A little brighter I hope ? X

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No your not and it’s better to get it out Rather than keeping it inside because that’s what making you upset and filling your head .

It’s Such a self centred drug , they have no consideration for anyone or anything it’s just evil .

The empty promises are a killer for me Mammy , because every week / few days I relive the same disappointment whilst I’m trying to keep my own life normal ( of some sorts ).

You can do this , with or without him Mammy . Awh dear I so know how you feel 🙁 sending another tight hug- try and sleep tonight you must try and look after yourself xx

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I completely understand , I find my mind drifts when I’m meant to be working , I even get mad when I’m watching the tele and a program brings drugs up , I hate I can’t plan anything for the future because I don’t have any idea what that’s going to look like . I keep planning and going for my two sons . Our week clean was short lived – I asked him to test for first time , started protesting and fobbing me off , then got all cagey about it being a breach of privacy .. after numerous times me saying just tell me if you’ve used he finally admitted it . So back at the start yet again . :/ .

But main concern is you – please try to remember that guy that walked out isn’t the guy you know . I know it’s not any easier but they aren’t connected to how they once were with us . Keep squeezing them boys they love their mama so much and will see you through xxx

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