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Hi Ladies, sorry not posted for a little while hope your both doing ok , hope Mother’s Day showed you love and made you feel your worth ❤️.
I’ve had a hard two weeks . Aftermath of more truths unfolding the fallout from the poison . Mines still falling off the waggon every few days . Went on a bender last week and claimed he was fully entitled to do so because he’s had it so hard and so stressed – join the club pal!!! If I came out left the kids with him w and went shovelling crap up my nose like him – I can only imagine how he would take that . But they don’t think like that do they .I’ve had a few wobbles letting it get to me having a meltdown but then the strength comes through ( I think it’s that anyway ) numbness and I pick myself up and crack on keeping mine and the kids life normal . Anyhow – hope you’re both ok. Sending big strong mama vibes to you both , look forward to hearing from you x
I hope your little lad has a good birthday today .
Yeh another week of Groundhog Day . Stay tough ladies xx
Mine has had moments of the same a really arrogant behaviour and that’s when he’s on it . It’s soul destroying I feel your pain try to be strong and focused you know this isn’t your doing . It’s ok here but week days are when it goes wrong here when it does . Monday always determines how the week is gonna go. I’m just trying to focus and me and my kids and taking each day as it comes x
I know it’s hard to stomach Mammy but he will lash out and blame anyone but himself because he’s that far into it. He won’t realise his mistakes until he’s ready to see them , I know it’s so hard but the coke has taken over him right now . I know you don’t want to take the court route but you must remember he’s done this not you , he really hasn’t given you a choice x
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Hiya Mammy does that rest depend on whether he sees your boys ? X
Exactly push through , you too x
Hiya How you feeling this morning ? A little brighter I hope ? X
No your not and it’s better to get it out Rather than keeping it inside because that’s what making you upset and filling your head .
It’s Such a self centred drug , they have no consideration for anyone or anything it’s just evil .
The empty promises are a killer for me Mammy , because every week / few days I relive the same disappointment whilst I’m trying to keep my own life normal ( of some sorts ).
You can do this , with or without him Mammy . Awh dear I so know how you feel 🙁 sending another tight hug- try and sleep tonight you must try and look after yourself xx
I completely understand , I find my mind drifts when I’m meant to be working , I even get mad when I’m watching the tele and a program brings drugs up , I hate I can’t plan anything for the future because I don’t have any idea what that’s going to look like . I keep planning and going for my two sons . Our week clean was short lived – I asked him to test for first time , started protesting and fobbing me off , then got all cagey about it being a breach of privacy .. after numerous times me saying just tell me if you’ve used he finally admitted it . So back at the start yet again . :/ .
But main concern is you – please try to remember that guy that walked out isn’t the guy you know . I know it’s not any easier but they aren’t connected to how they once were with us . Keep squeezing them boys they love their mama so much and will see you through xxx
Hiya Mammy , it wasn’t a lie – like Lindy said it takes our loved ones over. And unfortunately it’s out of our control that’s what send us into our hopeless state . It’s going to be ok , sending you a massive hug , go and look at your babies in bed . It’s ok to cry because tomorrow you will be stronger inside – you need to grieve xxx
Same with the relationship – imposter here with no connection just looks like someone I used to know ( sounds cold but that’s the reality ). I live in hope he gets clean sorts himself out and the issues related and then I hope we can maybe patch up our relationship but I have no idea how I will start with the trust thing . Feel like I’ve done it alone already if that makes sense xx
That’s how I thought too about mine – built everything together and he’s managed to tear into it without a second thought . When I first found out about his addiction I checked my other Half’s phone in secret and the number of times he commented on msgs to his coke head friends about sitting doing “ sniff” alone I couldn’t get my head around the fact this was the same person I was married to. He told a friend he caused an argument with me one night on purpose so he could be left alone to sort himself out with a party for one . I will never forgot them messages they shattered my heart and I wondered if I ever knew the real him . Not in a million years did I think this sort of challenge would come to our door and that’s why you struggle accepting – I completely get it . You do well to get him to test , asked mine in last few days ( as some security and peace of mind we are moving forward ) he agreed but then get defensive and starts saying he look bad because He’s so tired from Over working, the twists and turns of a trapped rat that normally adds up to .
I know it’s hard and this crap fills our headspace everyday but take some time for yourself , think about the future A little ( no matter how much it stings) think about your boy and how much you adore and love him – he’s your world away from this chaos . If anything through all this trouble my husband has caused it’s made me a better mummy in ways even when I’m stressed and on edge from the flare ups . I won’t let his choices beat me and my right to enjoy my kids and then secondly my own life.
I think that not every one is like my OH , there’s alot of them but not everyone – he wasn’t once upon a time hod knows what entered his head when this started .
We’ve been dealt a bad hand of cards – but will we get through it , gritted teeth- your doing good xxx
I know this probably won’t make you feel any better but your son would rather have his mummy for his birthday any day of the year rather than any toys etc. I know kids revolve around that but he has his mum and that’s the main thing – don’t be hard on yourself xxx
Helloo both , isn’t it pants 🙁 sending you both a hug too – it’s ok this will
Work out one way or another xx
I’m not so confident over mine last couple of days I’ve seen bits that concern me – the old usual habits , staying out working till I’ve gone to bed , visited a petrol station 2 mins from dealers house yet there’s about 10 of the things from where we live to This drug Den. Just fills me full of anger and feeling blind again . Luckily the support group I’m on levels me out and been able to function and carry on with “ normal “ daily life . I’ve buried the financial trouble for another day . But my gut is Im not keep
Tolerating this shite I’ve promised myself this , I’ve made enquires – have a sort of path if it all goes off. This year is the final year I’m struggling with Cocaine in our marriage , family . Enough is enough . Mine doesn’t know this or maybe thinks I don’t have the lady balls to see it through but he’s on his last chance saloon . If he doesn’t want to try – then he deals with it alone . Im not having my years with my little kids tainted by his choices . Ha just laughed at myself spellchecking this back – I’ll probably be in tears tonight . But today I’m strong so I’ll go with that . Keep in touch – keep talking , it’s nice we can relate xxx