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Hi Hayley,
I can relate. My husband is a cocaine user too. He used to disappear for days and I would have anxiety attacks looking for him all hours of the day and night. Now he uses almost daily and doesn’t disappear anymore. He says this is better behaviour trying to justify his actions. Users will manipulate and gaslight us as it’s part of the addiction. Trust is gone which is the foundation of marriage. I find it in my house too. It sounds like you need to set strong boundaries for yourself. You cannot change him and you didn’t cause this. If he doesn’t want help it will get worse. You will continue to get sick as well. It’s hard with kids I know. I have three. I’m sorry you are going through this. Leaving is sometimes the best option.
Rachy,
I understand it is hard when there is no help from family for the kids. Try doing meetings online and start the 12 step process. Also it sounds like your partner should do the same. Addiction usually gets worse before it gets better. I hope you can find a way to get the help you need.
Hi Rachy,
You sound like you are close to going for treatment. The fact that you admit your use is a good start. Go for help now because it will only get worse. Addiction is a progressive disease and cocaine is so powerful. I wish you the best.
Hi Bees,
I also have a partner addicted to cocaine for many years. It’s important you understand that you didn’t cause it, you can’t change it or control it. I call it my three c words. I have also been gaslighted many times, its what addicts do. He will continue to do that manipulate you and lie unless he gets clean. Set boundaries for yourself and make them clear to him so he knows. If he chooses not to get clean leave him. It really doesn’t get better unless the addict comes to terms with their addiction and gets help. I am battling my own marriage but because I have three children I keep praying he will stop using. I’m close to leaving, but I always give one more chance. We become sick too.