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Don’t be sorry its won’t always be like this of that I’m sure. I’m the same as you in the respect of not being able to understand how they don’t seem able to remember they have kids when they are under the influence cos there would be nothing stopping me contacting mine even if I didn’t want to speak to who they were being looked after by they come first end of. Today’s a new day and you can get through it xx
The kids will be more damaged growing up in a home with an addict in then without that’s the only thing allowing me to stay strong this time my oldest has not said dada or daddy for the last 3 days and honestly she’s happier just me her and the baby it’s so settled and we have a proper routine. I saw a quote the other day and it’s basically said ‘if you didnt cause it, you can’t control it and you can’t cure it’ and it hit me like a ton of bricks none of us deserve this we didn’t ask for this and the only ones that can change themselves are them not us we are just left to pick up the peaces and be strong for everyone even them its really soul destroying and draining xxx
I feel like I’m at exactly the same place as you right now. Its so hard to stick with what you know is right once you decide enough is enough as either they come crawling back with the sorrys and empty promises or you literally cant help but beg them to come back and stay as you feel so lonely and worthless without them there or at least that’s what usually happens for me. I’m 24 hours into zero contact on my part now and it’s killing me as I could so easily reply to him as now he’s realised I’m not arguing or giving him anything he’s wondering what is going on. The more I have looked at all the things they do they are just complete narcissists whether that’s the coke making them that way or just how they are I don’t know but please be strong I know it’s hard but you’ve got this Stand your ground it could be the kick in the bum he needs to get sorted or wvwn just the kick in the bum u need to be finally free from the torment xxx
Well it’s become pretty obvious that my now ex partner is already seeing someone else he’s non stop talking to someone on WhatsApp-which he hardly used when we were together changed all his social media pictures from ones of either him and the kids or us as a family to pictures of him from before we got together when he was in much better shape I will add. I did ask him and the response I got was we are over so what’s it got to do with me -at this point it had been less then 48 hours since I told him he wouldn’t be coming back unless he gave up the coke for good so looks like he’s definitely made that choice for us all now. He is still at his sisters and she Is now not speaking to me either following the contact centre discussion but I won’t lose any sleep over any of it the babies are both bathed and in bed and I’m tucked in with a good book. Fayzey I’m sorry to hear things have gotten worse usually though running out of money means the come down starts and they head home for somewhere to sleep pretty quickly although I’m not sure what you’d prefer at this point I hope you all have as good as night as can be hoped for xx
I feel like writing a book about this whole thing I shall call it ‘memoirs of a third wheel’ or ‘Him, the habit and me’
Couldn’t agree more purpleheart if I’d known at the beginning what I know now I’d have steered clear. The odd thing is though is the rest of his siblings are very respectable and had no idea about any of it. I haven’t even been able to tell any of my family what is going on or the real reason as to why he isn’t a constant in out home as they would never understand as it just has never been a thing in my family well not until now. I mean my family aren’t angels my dad was an alcoholic and so was my grandad but they were both kicked to the kerb when the children (me included) were little and had minimal contact so it’s all just a complete bizarre thing for me for people to be so accepting of it as the norm especially when there are young children involved xx
Well that’s just it without going into her life story her child’s father is currently a guest of her majesty for drug related offences quite severe ones which I wasn’t aware of until it was in the paper (she is separated from him) but it didn’t just happen overnight and they were together a long time and she was well aware of his dealings so to speak
I did reply but it disappeared so I will just update from today. I have told him that unless he gives up coke altogether he can not come back and let him know that although I won’t stop him seeing the kids he will have to see them through a contact centre to ensure he isn’t using when they are in his care as so far he has proven that he has no issue with doing it in their home or on his way home from work so I don’t really see any alternative this ofcourse has gone down like a lead balloon and he has blocked me from contacting him at all (only after i told him not to contact me unless it was in relation to him having given up cocaine for good) I have now had messages from his sister telling me I’m out of order and there is no need for contact centre etc and she will have them but given that she is happy with his cocaine usage again she doesn’t seem to understand why I won’t allow that and is taking it as a personal insult against her as ofcourse my kids will be I’m her care and that’s all I should consider not whether or not she will be taking them to see someone who is off their nuts at the same time please tell me I’m not over reacting
Hi all I feel like I’m a little late to the party but reading your current situations is like reading my own life story and I just had to say hello. I’m a mum of 2 and their dad is a cocaine addict and also an alcoholic (can go a week at most cold turkey but then the biggest bender/blow out follows swiftly. He walked out on us on Saturday just gone after I confronted him about him having had cocaine that day whilst at work and then coming home under the influence (we have a 2 year old and a 10 week old) at first he begged my forgiveness but when I said he could stay on the sofa and we would talk about it when he had a clear head he decided he wanted to leave instead as ‘its all too much for him’ which after 2 years of broken promises and the constant lies is quite laughable. He’s staying with his sister who knows all about his cocaine habits but as far as she is concerned the sun shines out of his backside and in her own words to me ‘he’s not as bad as you make him out to be’ despite being fully aware of the fact he spent £1000 on it in 2 days and left me with no money to pay bills buy food etc so I had to borrow from my family yet again. She just leaves him to do whatever he wants and come and go as he pleases from her home and doesn’t have to contribute so for him it’s an easy ride and an escape from the nagging as he calls it. I know I need to put my big girl pants on and stay strong and stick to what I said 2 years ago about not having him back unless he’s actually got himself clean and given it up for good but I can feel myself literally aching for him to speak to me and I feel like I’m begging for him to want to do the right thing but in reality he doesn’t want to be a part of the family if it means he has to give up coke we definitely come second. Sorry for the long post I just wanted you all to know I feel for you all and I hope for all our sakes it gets better one way or another xx