Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Hi is it called DOM ive typed that into Netflix can’t find it?
Hi so sorry to hear of your sons addiction, I have found this whole situation with my partner devastating. I can’t imagine the pain if it were my son, sending love & strength to you. It’s awful the lengths they will go to my ex hasn’t yet stole or been abusive but I won’t tolerate the drug use and the lies he’s spouts to cover it all up either. Thank you before this I was a very strong person but it has broke me I had my daughter 10 weeks ago & my anxiety was through the roof I went into my local doctors begging for blood tests to see what was wrong, at the time we were really good he hadn’t used for 8 weeks but I knew a relapse was pending and sadly it happened not long after this. My mental health has to come first as my children need me more than ever I knew detachment was the only way. I have enabled him at times only to help him stay off the drugs with diesel money to get to work but I know now he wanted the job to get money to use, I wouldn’t help him in any way now though father of my children or not it all has to come from him. He lives with he’s mother i can only imagine the disappointment she feels and she can’t be happy he’s there he is worse with her as she works until late so he slips off before she’s home. I don’t know whether rock bottom will fix him he’s pretty much there already time will tell, that’s if he’s mum doesn’t hit her own rock bottom like I have and pulls away. It’s sad because they need us more than ever but their actions push us away it’s a awful cycle of chaos one I’m glad to no longer be apart of. I hope your son gets help I really do but either way be kind to yourself and put you first in all this it’s the only thing we can have any control in all of the madness.
It is hard to accept its an illness not a choice and to also not take it personally too. It’s awful all round, and not having control over it is what I struggled to deal with at the beginning. It plays on my mind most days it’s hard when you still love them even if you don’t like them, my ex has in nearly 4 weeks since a relapse lost two jobs and been using ignoring me at the moment because it’s too painful I think we are a trigger for them too sadly so im hoping he hits rock bottom he’s lost me the kids two jobs close to loosing he’s car it’s on finance and he hasn’t made 1 payment. Am I deluded waiting for rock bottom one can only hope I wouldn’t help him get better I’d be supportive and encouraging but that’s it because I don’t want to get hurt anymore he has he’s mum I’m just hoping he chooses to change he’s got nothing more to lose at the moment.
Sorry to hear that, it’s awful isn’t it how it changes them. All we can do is put ourselves first unfortunately as they do themselves whilst chasing the next high they do love us and i think they would rather be clean and free but they continue to block out the pain with drugs that they need and feel they can’t function without it’s a vicious cycle, hopefully one they can only put an end too one day.
They can use it for so many reasons mainly mental. I’ve heard of addicts relapsing because of pain with teeth or muscles etc, it’s unusual he says he used it more because of this and got addicted. He may of been addicted for some time but hasn’t been honest with you and could be using that as an excuse sorry but the lengths they will go to to lie and cover up their use shows no bounds. My ex would have it right under he’s nose and still say it wasn’t there. I have 4 children also and what I would say is to firstly encourage him to get help you can’t force it. If it’s left it will get worse my partner goes on like we don’t exist now and I had our last child 10 weeks ago our first daughter too even she wasn’t enough for him to stop nothing is unfortunately unless they want to it’s so sad it’s destroyed our family. The longer they are addicted it changes their personalities too to a point where they will do things that they would never of done before like neglecting their children bills jobs and family all to keep their addiction going. I would see what he says about help if he will go to ca meetings or he’s gp and go from there I wish I hadn’t helped my ex or stayed around it’s been nearly a year since it became obvious my ex was addicted and I wish I cut ties sooner as in the end I had to my mental health got so bad as even when he was home and not using I was worried about when he would next relapse it’s not a healthy way to live for either involved but if they can’t or won’t change you have to detach yourself for your sanity only way it’s hard but each day it gets easier & sadness turns to bitterness and you won’t want them in your life anymore sad but true.
Hi Kelly, sorry to hear this it’s such a shock at first and so overwhelming to take it all in. Can I ask how you found out?
*do some seedy things
If he’s using cocaine it does make people so some seedy things when on it and they can be more likely to cheat. If he’s telling you this I would cut him off if he’s met someone else let her deal with him I know it’s hard when you love someone but he’s said some hurtful things to you and being violent is not acceptable drugs or not. Do you have children together if then I understand you wanting to help him but even then if they don’t want to change they won’t has to be when they are ready you can’t force them unfortunately. Hope your okay this place helps people feel not alone and has helped me at times to not think about my situation as such by reading others.
Hi I totally get that it’s so hard for other people to understand why we stick by them for me I did it for the kids & so he had something to strive toward by coming back home to be with us if he stayed clean. I’m sorry you didn’t have a good day some days it just hits you & it’s very overwhelming the situation isn’t it. I’m okay things haven’t been good had my baby 3 weeks ago he’s been brilliant since her birth really supportive but he’s ignored me since Sunday said he was coming up yesterday on Sunday before he ignored me then no show yesterday and ignoring my messages left me on unread have checked he’s van and unfortunately there was a beer in there so if he’s drunk he’s certainly used cocaine feel so let down but at the same time I now know why he’s ignored me he’s ashamed most likely as he was doing so well nearly a month clean. I think I’m going to cut all contact with him and me & the kids and concentrate on us until he gets he’s actually together as mentally can’t take any more an need to be strong for my kids as im now a single parent. Can always chat on here if you like it certainly helps knowing you’re not alone xx
Hi Becky I’m in a similar situation to you. And in the past year my anxiety has got so worse as im finding it so hard to accept this is my reality now. Please reach out to someone I told all my family I needed the support and you shouldn’t do it alone a problem shared is a problem halved. If you need to chat i check in here quite regularly take care x
Hi Susan, I don’t think it’s something that you can accept to leave with in my honest opinion the lies the disappearing acts will eat away at you over time. I have 3 children with my partner and I’m not accepting it he’s currently not living here and won’t be until he’s clean and bills up to date we tried to live together early this year after separating last year but I mentally couldn’t take any more and he’s back at he’s mums. I think it depends on how far you’re into the situation you’ve only discovered it so you may be prepared to put up with more in a sense. I wouldn’t encourage any drinking or do it with him as this gives them the perfect excuse maybe think about boundaries around you in the home etc the more difficult it is to do it the more they will think twice or may see it’s a bigger problem than they first realised. Hope this helps and I wish you all the best any questions feel free to ask ????
It would certainly help them realise the effects it can have on their brain if they haven’t realised this before. Also help them to recognise any triggers they may have that cause them to use, knowledge is power. I think if a lot of people/addicts fully understood how addiction changes the pathways in their brain thoughts feelings & memories it’s a sure incentive to help them to get or stay clean. Hope this helps
This forum is for anyone that is struggling & that needs a place to talk & not be judged where all in this together. X