[redfox20]

It’s not very often comments on here leave me speechless, all I can say is your children need you, & you’re not alone you have them. You’re important and you are loved you have so much to live for, a future with your babies, I’m so sorry you haven’t got the support you need being a young mum is tough but you can talk to someone maybe your gp or get out to some local groups meet some mums like yourself. Please get back to me If you want to talk you’re not alone sending love xx

[redfox20]

Hi Carole I’m so sorry for your loss, I have sons myself and cant imagine the pain you must be feeling, how are you doing? Silly question I know, im sorry no one got back to you on here there is a page on bereavement here that may help you to talk to others going through the same. Take care

[redfox20]

Thank you will check that out 🙂 it’s so conflicting isn’t it you don’t know what the right or wrong thing to do i never asked to be in this situation neither did he I suppose, but putting yourself first is a must of course especially when you have kids. It just hurts how he can abandon them but they are fine & happy that’s all that matters they have me. I’m going to let him get on with it as I’m always there this will be a shock to him hopefully a wake up call he needs because we haven’t officially said we’re done he has some clothing not a great deal most of he’s belongings & passport is at my house so he’s in no rush to get them been nearly 5 weeks. Xx

[redfox20]

Hi so sorry that he has done this to you, I know drugs change people they become so selfish. I’m in a similar situation just that mine has left home and is isolating and ignoring me and our two children we’ve been together 9 years too so many memories but I don’t look at the past anymore read a good thing on here saying look at the man in front of you now sadly that’s who your dealing with. I would concentrate on yourself after putting him first for so many years you deserve that. Don’t dwell on anything he says, and take each day as it comes no one knows what the future will hold whether he will be in your life or not but sometimes we have to let go as painful as it is I’m trying to do this myself and let my partner hit rock bottom as I’ve made contact since he left we have spoke briefly but nothing since so letting him be with he’s addiction I still love him but it’s not my fault neither my problem. Take Care x

[redfox20]

Thank you yes @danman83 is very helpful in giving insights to how an addict feels, so sorry to hear your going through the same situation it’s awful isn’t it, how do you cope have you cut your partner/husband off? Am i best to let him hit rock bottom. X

[redfox20]

Sorry for late reply, unfortunately that’s all we can do. We have to put ourselves first and hope that they see the error in their ways and get fed up the life they are living only then will they change. It’s scary seeing someone like that isn’t it I think that’s why I have cut him off so I don’t have to witness it as it will hurt too much. Thanks so much that means a lot you never know if you’re going the right way about approaching this situation it’s such a tough one so hopefully we sort things and it’s not too late. Wishing you and your family all the best too. (-:

[redfox20]

Thanks for getting back he never used to go on binges that’s why it’s got worse lately normally he would work all week then have it on a Friday then it went to a couple times a week he was able to sit up do it go work next day. Then it went to 3x a week which is then why we started arguing coz that’s taking the piss, he’s never let us go without to get it. Financially he’s normally good but he’s bills are piling up he’s not working now meant to be tomorrow. I’ve paid for the kids the last 11 days, spoke to he’s mum yesterday she came round as it was our youngest sons bday he wanted to come up but I said to he’s mum he should message not just show up. My mum was here too he wouldn’t want to face her he would be too ashamed. He’s been in since last Tuesday hasn’t left the house he’s mum told me he’s not been that moody either he seems to want to see the kids but is avoiding me he’s embarrassed he’s let us down I know that. I told her see how he is after a week he can’t normally tend to go that long. You are wanting to stop it at the right time before its gets worse, i did try and get him to do this also but unfortunately he’s had to learn the hard way.

[redfox20]

Hi so sorry to hear about you’re sisters struggles with this evil drug. You should never feel guilty you did all you could to help her she just didn’t want to be saved, it’s so painful isn’t it. I feel like im grieving the person he was he’s as good as dead he hasn’t been in touch with me or the kids 10 days now not long I know part of me thinks he’s glad we’re out the way so he can use. I’m in such a predicament to help or not to help I don’t think I have the time nor the patience to put myself through it trying to help him, I’ve got 3 kids and 10 weeks pregnant my plate is full. I’ve given myself a month to have a break to deal with this situation and put me and the kids first I’ll reach out in 3 weeks see if he wants to have a chat and say we need to sort contact with kids. I’ll ask him then how does he feel with he’s life now does he wish things were different does he think he has a problem then lastly I’ll ask if he needs help if he says no I will tell him he will not be with me or back home until he’s clean. I hope your sister is safe & well wherever she is she knows she has your help should she need it, that’s all you can do. X

[redfox20]

He’s totally ignored the kids not one message I mean I know I said he couldn’t see them but one message don’t hurt. It was our sons first day back to school since lockdown and he’s phone is off sent a message on WhatsApp to see then I deleted it as one tick she he obviously got on it last night. Can I ask you did you miss your kids or partner when on binges or does he not care anymore? He works with an older bloke who don’t touch it but knows others from the last firm he was at and they all do drugs he sees them now and again not enough for it to be a problem though.

[redfox20]

Sorry i have got back to you but replied to myself not you.

[redfox20]

Would he accept the help from me though? He’s a roofer earns good money not like him to skip work when it’s there another sign he’s in trouble. Last week he only went in Monday. My son see him looking worse for wear this Tuesday cutting down a street near a park where my son plays. He said he’s eyes were wide bloodshot & hes skin was red & he looked rough, it upset me hearing this but still didn’t make contact with him. What’s upsetting me is he’s not got in touch to see how kids are even though ive said he can’t see him wouldn’t hurt would it?

[redfox20]

It certainly is its an awful way of living, I’m just at a total loss should i wait until he wants the help? Is ignoring him cutting him off completely helping? We haven’t spoke for 9 days now. He will use any excuse to do it he’s not started a argument to do it in the past he just tends to leave for days on end ignore me & use. He definitely needs help to stop it this time for sure it’s gone too far him being able to do it himself.

[redfox20]

Hi I’m okay thank you, it’s not been easy but taking things day by day. He broke down in April during lockdown told me he’s got a problem with it and he can’t stop and that he needs help. Tbh I knew he did as was seeing how frequently he was using and any excuse to drink & take coke. We sat down he deleted all the dealers numbers went well for over a week then he said he’s just getting a few beers he was then drinking a few times a week I said you can’t do that instead you need to cut it all out. He smoked weed up until last year but quit since then the coke has got worse. Over time he must of got better at hiding it or doing it once I was asleep coz he wasn’t eating and he’s eyes didn’t look right i confronted him many times he denied. We had a row before last week he left then came back then left again to go on this recent binge. He’s only just got into the grips of addiction he hasn’t yet tried to get help he’s mum told him you have a problem he said I haven’t she told him she will go docs with him etc. Me and him haven’t spoke since this recent binge so I don’t know what he’s thinking or feeling he has a lot going for him I know he wouldn’t want this life but he’s trapped and I’m not sure whether I can help him. Well done on trying to quit yourself and recognising it takes a lot of courage.

[redfox20]

Thank you for your reply, since this post ive heard that he has said to he’s mum he’s got no problem so unfortunately he’s too far into the grips of he’s addiction now only he can get himself out. I’m now coming to terms with this and putting me and the children first from now on. Thank you, hopefully it doesn’t ruin us completely. Well done for being able to get clean it’s by no means a easy feat, All the best to you.

[redfox20]

Sorry i do feel better without him here but at the same time it sucks our family is apart and im left to pick up the pieces. But feels good that im in control of my life now & not consumed by what he’s doing. Im struggling not knowing what he’s thinking or feeling though as we haven’t spoke, ive messaged he’s mum also she’s since ignored me so maybe she’s not happy she’s having to deal with it herself who knows.

[Author]

Posts