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I feel exactly the same, like it was just our problem just me moaning about it to him we were both stuck in this spiral, he first admitted in lockdown that he needs help and tbh i was shocked and wasn’t sure what help would be available with this situation being as it was. Since then it’s got progressively worse since we found out we are pregnant again I think he’s scared he can’t be there for me and it’s more pressure to change. I’ve been a soft touch in the past as soon as I’ve seen him let him in the house begged him to stay and sort things, & he’s left to go to the pub ive felt such a fool after like all the power went to him. But this time because the seriousness of it all has truly dawned on me i know i need to put my foot down only way he will learn. It’s our sons bday soon and I know i will get a message saying can he come see him but im ignoring it he hasn’t been in touch since not one message or came round if he did i wouldn’t answer the door & tell him he needs to leave and i will talk/support him when he gets the help he needs and he will see kids when im comfortable and ready to talk to him. If he sorts himself out and we both want the same thing im open to it i still care about him but right now i want him well for himself and the Kids.
Hi @amber04 for me the break is just concentrating on myself and the kids & not worrying about him or what he’s doing as much as i still love him it’s he’s problem he needs to help himself out of it. I’m doing no contact tough as it seems even if he asks to see the boys im going to ignore him, normally i engage then he’s back home and he upped and left last week with no explanation after coming back from a binge after we argued, so im not having that this time. I’m hoping by doing this it may help him deal with this by hitting rock bottom sometimes it’s what they need to change or they won’t. Were not together in my mind at the moment as it’s exhausting trying to help them if they don’t want to change which is something im trying to avoid. I just personally feel like it’s something i can’t help him with and we both need space to think and concentrate on ourselves at the moment. I totally understand how you feel it’s been so tough if I wasn’t pregnant and tired I’d cope a lot easier with kids housework etc he did cook when he was here so doing things when i can & trying not to push myself and kids are mucking in an helping too, but still not easy. It goes through my mind a lot too it’s normal but sad as it is I know he’s not worrying about me just when he can get that next line, i found coming on here today as helped get it all off my chest. I don’t have friends, my mum and sisters do not live nearby so good to have a safe place to vent & reconnect with others.
Hi so sorry you’re going though this, I have 3 boys also and my partners use of coke has took a downward spiral into addiction too. He’s not at home at the moment & im having no contact he’s not seeing the kids for a month as I feel we need space and im protecting myself hoping he realises what he’s doing & gets help. He’s back home with he’s mum, my sons are 12 6 & nearly 2. Ive told the 12 year old the truth about he’s struggles he’s overheard some arguments so had a idea what’s been going on he is very mature for he’s age and has been a great support to me helping me with he’s younger brothers im very early pregnant so tired so not great timing at all to be in this situation. My 5 year old says daddy is always drinking beers I’ve told him daddy is going away to get help to stop doing that because right now he’s choosing to do that than be with us and that’s not good ive told him he will see daddy in a month he’s took this quite well. It is a nightmare and you can’t quite believe it’s happening can you? Addiction can affect any person living any life it robs them and you of so much it’s so sad.. it’s nice to know where not alone so many people at going through this and that helps because it can feel very lonely can’t it. X
Hi so sorry to hear your son is going through this, my partner has an addiction that’s tough it must be so difficult seeing your child struggle too. Have you thought of getting in touch with your gp they can help refer him to services that are free to use help groups, cognitive therapy to understand the triggers in using, im not so sure how funding for rehab will work but gp will have the information you need to help. X
Hi sorry to hear you’re going through this in a very similar situation to yourself, been together 9 years 3 children I’ve only realised in the last week that it is more than what i thought it is an addiction. The final straw was he left the house early last week said he was going to work only to speak to he’s boss and be told said he called in sick, he ignored my calls and was later seen in our local pub. This ain’t normal behaviour for him he’s always done it since we have been together but it’s more an more now and any excuse any day not just a night out together or with the lads. He’s not himself anymore like a different person he just seems to not want to do anything unless he’s going out to get beers & sneakily gets coke. Ultimatums haven’t worked he’s told me he would rather drink, ive realised that im an enabler after reading about this I’m not helping being in his life he’s hiding it more & using more and that’s not helping. I’ve cut all contact with him and the kids too as he’s leaving them and not getting in touch that’s not fair. I’ve told my mum and he’s the whole truth to hopefully get him to see how serious this is he’s mum said she would get in touch with a gp but ive told her that he’s got to want it. I’m hoping me cutting him out for good this time and not taking him back right away will be the kick up the a** he needs to sort himself. In time I’ll sort contact with kids but for now I’m putting myself first. Do you think that you may need a break focus on yourself? It is lonely but so much easier than the constant worrying where he is what he’s doing etc.