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Hey, how’s things? Hope your well. That’s good your both willing to sort things out how’s that going? Glad little one is happy is nice for them to see their daddies they have missed out on so much they’re fault but still it’s nice to catch up on missed time. Everything is going well here 7 weeks clean although been out of work he starts a new job next week gets paid in 2 weeks so be interesting to see what happens we have been getting on so well he’s been up most days taking kids to school and been there for me my mum had a stroke last weekend really shook us all up as a family especially me and my sisters she’s okay it was mild she was really lucky she’s on blood thinners rest of her life now though! I’m abit anxious about him getting work but have a good feeling this time don’t know why I told him if he’s in work a month an still clean maybe we can discuss about him coming home. There will be slips ups but it’s how we deal with them & hopefully there isn’t none! He got paid for that job he did a couple weeks ago gave the money to he’s mum to pay a ticket for the van so that’s good. I really hope he sticks to it and we don’t go backwards but as you know it happens so fingers crossed time will tell hopefully he’s home soon! Hope things are good your end xx
Hey, I’m good thanks. Been so busy with kids back to school haven’t had a min! I did read your last message been meaning to get back to you, it seems he is a lot better since then and wants to sort things out I hope it goes well for you! I think they have to be left to it sometimes and we have to pull away for them to see the madness of it all themselves. It’s so hard because like you I still care and love him and want the best for him. Things have been going really well here 5 weeks clean although he hasn’t had much work on so no money. We have been spending more time together he’s been with us some days and staying til late and going home. I’m enjoying things while it’s going good, hopefully it lasts. We’ve had some conversations he’s able to see what he’s done wrong he’s very defensive though and doesn’t take advice well. He has said he will discuss he’s finances or let me watch over things, checking he’s paying bills once he’s in steady work it’s just not there at the min, so he said it’s not worth worrying about right now whether thats him burying he’s head in the sand who knows! He worked last weekend with two people who do like a drink he kept in touch and stayed sensible he’s been up this week last two days to see us. He’s picking kids up tomorrow to stay for the weekend. So yeah all is okay at the min he’s getting paid soon for the job last weekend have asked him what it’s going on he said it’s paying off parking tickets for van so it’s good it’s gone before he spends it on something silly but he still could I’m learning now to be more understanding and less angry towards him as I don’t think this helps things and if he relapses well hopefully he brushes himself off and continues! How are you doing? Hope you and kids are well xx
Hi Paul, sorry to read this. I can’t believe she did that in the rehab asking for drugs to be dropped off! Shocking her behaviour sounds awful towards you and she uses you sorry to be so blunt. I’d say you had a lucky escape and let her get on with it! As I’ve said before you sound like such a lovely man who deserves more make yourself happy focus on you! It will make you feel so much happier.
Hey, yes a long way to go that’s for sure. But it’s going better than it has, and fingers crossed it continues if it doesn’t well hopefully one day he will get there! He seems to know what it’s caused and I think me putting my foot down has given him the motivation he knows he will not be back here unless he’s clean for a while. Yeah have heard that some people have problems getting it up so that even if they wanted to cheat they can’t haha. One thing I noticed was he’s sex drive completely went even on coke he wasn’t interested whereas before on it he was so horny lol. It’s good you had a chat with hes family today the more people know and can be on their case the better! And it’s a great support to you that people understand. It’s so hard when they find someone who’s on the same level to use with that hasn’t got nothing better to do isn’t it. Until he gets fed up of him which he likely will they will both use each other unfortunately! It’s so tough isn’t it it’s all out of our control and they have the power to change their lives ours the kids and our futures everything! I have struggled with being powerless and it’s took me along time to accept I can’t do or change anything for him it’s all got to come from him. Hope dinner goes well tomorrow if he comes, they blow hot and cold constantly don’t they it’s such hard work! Have a good week too and speak soon xx
Hey Paul, glad things seem to be better between the both of you, I hope it continues. Wow what a scumbag to do that to her and use her vulnerability like that. They probably do that to her an many others it’s disgusting the lives they ruin all for a pound note! I suspect he’s saying all this as he’s lost her custom most likely! I hope she steers clear of him and doesn’t fall for he’s crap and get stuck back in it all. I would maybe suggest she lets things settle down before grassing him up. What these people are capable of or the people above him she needs to be careful that’s for sure. I hope your okay though even through all the madness!
Hey Paul how’s things. X
Hey, I’m good thank you. Was abit down last week due to him not being great and worrying about him being depressed. He got in touch sunday and had the kids for the day yesterday. It’s his weekend this week, so will hear from him again end of week hopefully. He’s not used for nearly 3 weeks now. He’s not been work last week so whether that’s why who knows but it’s still good I suppose. He just stayed home last week when he was depressed didn’t go out an use so hopefully he continues. Sorry to hear that do you think he’s struggling to get it up because of he’s use and only using it for that when he’s watching stuff maybe? We will never understand why they make the decisions they do. They do see things more clearly and what they have done when they get clean somewhat is he still using often? Hope you eldest girl has a lovely birthday and that’s the best distraction! Kids go back to school so looking forward to a routine and spending less time worrying and being more busy helps as you know. Do your kids go back this week? Xx
Hey glad you’re okay. You sound like your doing much better ???? i haven’t been Brighton in years I do love a seaside! That’s mad how he’s mum can’t tell I think with coke the eyes are the biggest giveaway lol. I can tell with one look at my ex he’s done it he never has turned up to mine or to get kids on it coz he knows that will be he’s chance with them blown. I’m glad things went well with him when you saw him I think the more we don’t tolerate things they do respect us more in a sense but still ultimately do what they want at the end of the day. Do you get anxiety in hes presence I do at times I did on way to Margate only quickly and I shut it down and tried to enjoy the family day out together. My youngest is nearly 5 months he’s brilliant with them all, when they are with him he takes good care of them we are very similar with our parenting so I know they are in safe hands. Don’t get me wrong he could be present and pay for them but we know why he can’t! He’s still depressed been like it all week he read my messages at 1am this morning no reply. I think at least he’s read them he’s not in a good place so probably doesn’t have much to say or want to pretend he’s okay when he’s not. I hope he didn’t go out last night but I can’t message he’s mum everyday and ask lol. If he hasn’t that’s 15 days clean which is an achievement for him he could never get to two weeks here with me without disappearing to get on it. I totally get that I have my guard up fully with him we have to after what they put us through mentally. I am trying to be more sympathetic now and less angry as he doesn’t need it and it doesn’t help I know he’s struggling but I wish he would reach out to me. I really just want to see him and give him a hug it’s so shit but he will be in touch when he’s ready and hopefully he pulls himself out of it. How you been? Kids are back to school soon bit of routine should do us both good ???? xx
Hey how are you doing? I’m good thank you Margate was nice it’s a bit run down now well the people are lol. A lot of druggies typically but the arcades are good and they have dreamland which is like a funfair that was closed unfortunately. We’ve all been okay he’s not been so good with depression spoke to him Monday all was well and not heard from him since he’s mum said he was sleeping all day yesterday was asleep when she left and got in from work. He’s phone was on silent i did message him to check in see how he is yesterday still not heard back i just hope hes being sensible but as you know that is an escape for them. im learning to detach now not take it personally and have accepted hes gonna have hes struggles and things wont always be plain sailing. just wish he would reach out when hes depressed instead he sleeps the days away. im okay doing good mentally im not letting it get to me anymore as then we are both sick. hows things been with you? x
Hey, the drugs do numb them so they appear as through they don’t care. They also lack any empathy by continuing to put themselves first even though it’s causing others pain they don’t see this they are blind sighted by the need to find and use their drug of choice. If they are sober they will have moments where they will see what they have done and feel remorse, guilt or shame this makes them then use to feel better it’s a vicious cycle.
Hey, how are you doing? Sorry to hear that happened with your son there it’s good he’s mum is helping you by sticking to her boundaries with him too and making you feel comfortable so she can see the kids. He’s acting up and angry because he’s not getting he’s way and rightly so you all have to put your own needs first the same way he does! It completely changes them doesn’t it i wouldn’t look into it to much other than it’s the drugs it’s not you and there is nothing anyone can do. He’s only using this woman to have someone to use with as they like to be around people like them they don’t feel as low in society then and they feel accepted by other addicts. Whilst he’s in active addiction he will never have a truly loving relationship, that’s he’s karma. I don’t think he’s chosen this life but he feels he has no choice and by pushing people away the addiction is winning he’s clearly out of he’s depth with it at the moment and he’s lost control. It’s awful isn’t it it really does get you down mentally it’s a nightmare! time will help with that, and push yourself even if you don’t feel like it a night out could be just what the doctor ordered concentrate on you and make yourself happy without him! I’m good thank you things have been better here for now, we went out spend the day altogether at the arcades had ice cream hot donuts so lovely to have some normality after the last 4 months. I’m taking each day as it comes now and not look to far ahead as you can be let down and I need to protect me and my sanity now so it’s the best way! How you feeling today hope your okay xx
Hey, glad you’re okay. You do need you’re time to get on with things and try take your mind of it and sometimes coming on here don’t help if that makes sense so totally understand that! They do get in you’re head don’t they! They won’t ever understand that what they say or do mentally affects us even when we try not to let it get to us it just does. Hope you’re landlord check went well & who needs a man eh go you doing that on your own with the kids too! Hope it went well, and he left you to it id put my foot down tell him he’s not to stay, it’s so hard coz you miss them and want them but not the person they have become such a catch 22 isn’t it. Glad you’re feeling stronger things go well with me then when they go well with him I can’t help it you just worry about them don’t you it’s totally normal. But I’m trying to feel good regardless of what’s going on, things have been good here for a change hopefully they last we took kids down to Margate yesterday went to the arcades, had ice creams hot donuts & McDonalds then home he took our two boys home as it’s he’s weekend. Then me and the baby came home, was so nice to have a little bit of normality! I really hope it continues, but it will be a long road but he’s doing much better he said he wants to get clean by himself as that’s why he hasn’t got help. I hope if he can and if not hope he gets help if he can’t do it alone! Either way I’ll be okay that’s all I need to concentrate on is me and the kids of course! How you doing xx
Hey there. Firstly hope you’re okay. It’s such a shock to the system when you first discover or realise they have an addiction. What i will say is while they are in a active addiction anything they say or do will not make any sense to a non user like yourself. They lie and become manipulative all to keep the addiction going, it’s part of the brain or the addicted brain as they say that’s affected that does this. Deep down the person is still in there but the drugs cloud their judgment and good decisions go out the window! It seems to me he has a serious addiction if he’s nose is now damaged due to he’s use. I personally would say to leave an not look back unless he’s clean for a long period of time or changes but that’s up to
him you can’t control or change it he has to want it. If i didn’t have children with my partner I would of not looked back and left the whole situation. It’s no life and it will always be a worry if this is something your prepared to do then it takes strength patience and sanity. Take some time for yourself try take your mind of it I know it’s hard but it will help you. He may be keeping away because he’s ashamed and knows he’s hurt you they do feel but they won’t share or act like they care it’s a typical addict trait. Take care x
Hey sorry to high jack your thread here. Hope you’re okay, it sounds like you are much better off without him in your life. Sorry to hear he’s been cheating on you, it will certainly help you now get the closure that you need and that will feel so good in time that you can move on and you will be happy. It will be tough you will have good and bad days but take each day at a time. Take care of yourself! Xx
Hey, Hope you’re okay. I would like to just say that you have done absolutely the right thing by cutting yourself off from him and changing the locks. As it will only get worse before it will get better and he will only continue to manipulate you or lie to you if he’s in your home. It will also mentally impact you in time as it’s a lot of stress dealing with and living with an addict on a daily basis. Talking to people is key to helping you are in touch with a therapist which is brilliant. Keep to your boundaries and don’t enable him this will only make the addiction worse. My son was 6 when it started happening i would tell him that daddy isn’t very well right now and he needs to get better and sometimes when he’s sick it’s hard for him to be there for us but when he’s well and able he will be there. I also don’t tell my son when he’s coming round or say anything until he’s knocking at the door to see him that way he’s not let down as it’s only me that knew. It’s so hard what to allow if your child is safe seeing their father then contact would be a good thing I know that sometimes pulling them away makes the addict worse they then hit self destruct. There is a limit however if they are high all the time, unable to care for the child and their needs or abusive then contact should be stopped. I think calling everyday is difficult to keep as he will be preoccupied with he’s addiction and needing to use so maybe discuss something more flexible or if he at least calls twice a week to speak with your child. It’s more manageable and your little one is hopefully less likely to be let down by there father. Hope this helps x