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Hey dot have read your thread on here so nice to see a positive story! Well done it’s no easy feat and your smashing it!
Hey Paul, sorry to hear your not feeling to good. It’s such a rollercoaster isn’t it of emotions, anger, Hope, despair, sadness it’s never ending! It’s important you take yourself of the ride and concentrate on you! What’s meant to be will be, I don’t know how she truly feels some people if they are in bad relationships that they put up with in addition tend to leave once they see more clearly and are sober. But sounds like she’s not mentally in a good place and there is probably a lot going on in her mind that she doesn’t know how to cope with or deal with it right now and she’s withdrawing so mentally that will affect her. I’d give yourself some space step back and you recover from all the heartache this has caused you. Addiction is something someone of a normal mind will never wrap their head around we can only research as much as we can but every addict is an individual with different problems reasons as to why they use and it’s up to them to figure this out and sort their own lives out not ours! Take care of yourself x
Hey, been meaning to get back to you, just see this and had to reply straight away! I’ve had a time of it myself well im not surprised by anything anymore tbh. They are so manipulative aren’t they tell you exactly what you want to hear then somehow drag you back into the chaos! That was lucky you did that with the pin it’s terrible how we have to pre think things because of how predictable they are with asking for things or being sly. Never blame yourself you haven’t done anything it’s he’s problem not yours! I’d get your car back and put some boundaries in place to protect you it’s so important as they will always take advantage of your good nature. Try not to get wound up easier said then done I know but I try not to let myself think of him now or he’s problems as I get annoyed I’m letting it get to me now, no more! Things were going well here we had a proper chat last Sunday first time since we split he said it’s got out of hand he knows he’s the only one to do it. And he said he knows it affects us all he’s mum me the kids. He mentioned our son asked him when he’s coming home and that he didn’t know what to say to him and he needs to sort himself out for all of them too. He said he thinks about what he’s done & us laying in bed when it’s all wearing off long story short he said he would look up getting some help “as it won’t hurt will it” fast forward to Tuesday and we see him at a job near our home working on the roof we went past to go to soft play so kids shouted up said hello he came down all was normal and nice. I sent him pics of kids at soft play and we said we will speak soon, on way home we went past again he was nearly finishing said he’s packing up soon. We went home and he then went missing after work got on it my eldest son got stuck he’s wheel came of he’s bike he called my ex 4x without telling me and no answer he then ignored me he’s mum who he picks up after work she works at our local hospital he stayed out all night probably slept in car read my messages at 11pm the next day didn’t get home until Thursday early hours. So basically told him I won’t be discussing things with him anymore as it don’t get my anywhere and like yours hes not doing anything about it or getting help. I’m going cold on him again now as that seems to work somehow I even let him in the house on Saturday when he picked our daughter up when I haven’t all this time never again! Just about kids now, I told him he knows he can have a better life but nothing will change if he doesn’t. I want him to get professional help and be clean 6 months if ever I consider a relationship with him again but I can’t see it happening probably be years yet I’m not going to wait forever though. Xx
Hey, I’m good thanks how are you? haha oh they are so similar. They all must do it lol, or they speak about their childhood or their greatest achievements at work ????. My ex was always happy on it more honest too and would communicate more with you. I think it doesn’t do much now to him tbh coz we spoke this week he said he isnt happy and the drugs don’t make him feel it, he came into the flat for the first time in 3 months because I needed to speak with him as a drug dealer was knocking at my door asking for him so needed to tell him it’s gone to far now bringing he’s problems to my door. He said he hasn’t used in a week been getting stuck into work and that’s what he needs to keep busy and said he will pay things back he’s trying to get full time work. I told him he needs to see kids more and be the dad they deserve he agreed that right now he isn’t and that this wasn’t the plan me doing it pretty much alone. He has them every other weekend but I have 4 children two are under 3 so he needs to step up more and see them one evening a week too my 2 year old idolises him and really misses him. He also gave me money this week for kids which is good as haven’t had a penny for 3 months. Maybe somethings changed in him maybe he realises now it’s all got to come from him and I won’t make it easy this time to come back even if we don’t sort out things I want him healthy and happy for the kids so whatever outcome I’ll be happy. Anyway enough of me haha, that’s awful another of my exes would switch on cocaine and be angry and abusive to me he doesn’t drink at all now because he can’t makes him violent. I bet apart of you didn’t want to react give him what he wants but when they say about you as a mother I mean who could control themselves I certainly wouldn’t! How’s things been for you? I’m seeing him shortly he’s picking the baby up our sons are with him this weekend she doesn’t sleep over just yet. X
Glad you’re okay! I have read up on it somewhat how the drug uses up all your dopamine and you feel down after or don’t enjoy things you use to or feel happy unless you use am I right? I have spoken with him he said the coke doesn’t make him feel happy anymore is that because he’s dependent on it or because he’s truly not happy? He’s clearly depressed and doesn’t do anything to get himself up and out of it without kids it must be hard. He said he needs to be in full time work as that helps he said he hasn’t done it for a week because he’s been getting stuck into a roof he’s working on. Could work help or more money make matters worse I find it hard to believe what he says.
You do lose yourself it takes your sanity too and no one is worth that we must put ourselves first the same way the do when they keep on taking the drugs. They do lack empathy the drugs does that it’s awful isn’t it if they cared they wouldn’t do half the awful stuff they do, it completely changes them. She’s clearly delusional having a relationship with a drug dealer is never gonna end well. I’d concentrate on yourself you will feel so much better for it she’s responsible for herself not you it’s hard to accept that but once you do it hurts less.
They can’t see anything the chaos the destruction the mental pain they cause you or their family as your sick with worry. She could just be angry she’s withdrawing and is probably struggling so thinks it’s best to blame you addicts are best at shifting blame lying and denying. You already know this I know. Don’t take it personally maybe cut off contact with her for a bit maybe because she knows she always has your love & support she can treat you like that. Talking of drug dealers I had one knock on my door earlier asking for my ex as he’s racked up £600s worth on tick and avoiding them. He’s getting our children today as it’s he’s weekend for contact so going to have a serious chat with him coz it’s all getting out of hand now I’m worried about mine and the kids safety. I dunno when will all this madness we deserve to be happy put ourselves first!
Hi Paul, if I knew the dealer I would do the same thing by shopping him to the police. Does he know you though or where you live please be careful. It’s so hard you do feel robbed, I had so many plans a future to. But only you can make yourself happy in this situation as it’s only you that you can control. I would tread carefully see how things go once she comes out I don’t think 2 weeks is long enough to change but one day can be enough if as the addict you have truly had enough. If she’s doing it for you or to keep the relationship it won’t work it needs to be for her. Hope you’re okay, keep strong.
She needs him as he’s her dealer and he needs her money. He will always keep her happy as long as she’s lining he’s pockets & she will always go to him for the drug. They need to come down harder on drug dealers it’s disgusting the lives they ruin!
Hey, yeah there is always a motive when they start bothering wanting to change either no money or it’s Christmas or they don’t want to be alone lol. They do get carried away when they are on it and can be the nicest, talkative person but if you’re not on their wavelength after time they can get annoying my ex used to repeat the same stories every time I would say you told me before. Yeah I feel sorry for the mums must be awful having a son who’s addicted can’t imagine the pain. My mother in law is paying for everything food he’s phone bill the lot he is taking the piss out of her. My ex goes quiet when he uses he tries to hide he’s use from me but I know different, hes mum tells me she’s honest that he goes out still gets on it then sleeps in bed or ie depressed coz of the comedown. That’s the thing nowadays cocaine is laced with all kinds of crap some of the stuff is addictive too it’s just awful a vicious cycle and no life for the addict alone with their thoughts at 6am in the morning, I don’t envy them. Glad you’re okay though that would be lovely to meet up one day! X
Paul, none of this is you’re fault. Quite frankly sorry to be blunt if this is her reason it’s ridiculous sounds like she’s shifting the blame or maybe the real reason is to painful to admit or discuss. You’ve done so much for her and sounds like you really love her and she takes you for granted. She may be angry her moods may be all over the place and she may be making you feel bad. I wouldn’t take it personally and tell her you think she’s passing the buck and she needs to be honest with herself.
Hey hope things are okay? Been thinking of you. Hope you’re well x
Hi Dan, how are you doing? I hope you’re well? I wanted to ask you with the depression side of comedowns was you getting it after you used more or once you became addicted? My ex has been in bed sleeping all day and hasn’t been out to eat drink nothing he’s at he’s mums not at mine he lives with her now and he got on it Thursday and was in bed all day Sunday, is it avoidance or depression would it make you feel like that 3 days later? X
Hey, sorry to hear you haven’t been so good. That is strange your message was taken down, don’t get disheartened. I check in here daily so will always get back to you! Glad you’re okay, bet it felt good to have some normality with him but even that feels painful because you know the reality being stuck in a situation neither of you can control. I don’t think I could be in hes presence even if we were enjoying company, hes changed so much lies lies and more lies. He didn’t turn up sunday to get boys haircuts neither did he give me an explanation he’s mum said he’s been in bed sleeping all day and hadnt drunk Saturday night either so was clearly depressed and on a comedown he went out Thursday night. After talking to he’s mum she said it’s pretty obvious he’s stolen the birthday money out of my son he’s stepsons card it’s disgusting the lengths they will go to for their addiction I’m caring less and less and letting go more an more as the time goes on. He’s not listening to he’s mum she’s had murders with him he doesn’t say anything or argue back just takes it then she gets more angry then anything which isn’t worth it. I dunno I’m not going to be saying much to him if anything at all when he gets the kids probably say bye to them and that’s it. He’s weekend is this week so he needs to get in touch at some point to get kids if he will after ignoring me sunday. It’s his birthday on Saturday so time will tell if he will take kids this weekend or chose to go out and get on it. He’s life is go work get money use feel like shit and repeat oh and constant let downs and lying in between I think he did have intentions of doing that with our boys but that took hold and you know that comes before anything. Please be careful the more you feel sorry for them, help them when they say they are down you fall back into their trap then you end up getting stung in the long run they only care about themselves in active addiction. We tried that going on dates and thinking we need to spend more time together or spice things up that makes the world of difference in a normal relationship but with an addict it’s a waste of time. You probably know this as that’s why you have doubts listen to your gut hun it’s never wrong. I hope your feeling better I feel like a switch has gone off in me or I’ve finally come to the realisation that this is who he is now and I’m moving on and losing feelings for him it feels good to be getting strong again and coming out the other side we all will get there one way or the other and be happy! Time is a healer I hope you and kids are well x
Exciting times ahead for you. You have done all you can it’s he’s problem not yours. It feels so good to finally come to that realisation doesn’t it but painful too it will take time to heal. You are not weak you loved him and wanted him to be there for you and your children, he let you down and it’s he’s weakness to turn to drugs. They will always put drugs first until they see a way out or want to change nothing will stop it. You’re doing the right thing keeping them safe, and you take care of yourself too! X