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Hi Emma123 , I’m sure you do want to contact him and it’s naturally part of the process of distancing yourself. Prepare yourself for some horrible behaviour from him and I’m sure he will wave other girls under your nose at some point, trying to hurt you and with him feeling so paranoid will be standard practice for him. It must be really hard for you too because your sober! and you have lost the love which I know can it can be like a knife in your chest. But, it’s never ever going to be the same because he’s probably said some terrible things and done some even worse things so please try and stay brave and carry on like you are being Strong so leave him to try and make the decision to get clean or end up lost. As soon as the house is handed over that will help. x
Hi Emma123 , I’m sure you do want to contact him and it’s naturally part of the process of distancing yourself. Prepare yourself for some horrible behaviour from him and I’m sure he will wave other girls under your nose at some point, trying to hurt you and with him feeling so paranoid will be standard practice for him. It must be really hard for you too because your sober! and you have lost the love which I know can be like a knife in your chest. But, it’s never ever going to be the same because he’s probably said some terrible things and done some even worse things so please try and stay brave and carry on like you are being ???????? leave him to try and make the decision to get clean or end up lost. As soon as the house is handed over that will help. ???? x
Hi Emma123 , I’m sure you do want to contact him and it’s naturally part of the process of distancing yourself. Prepare yourself for some horrible behaviour from him and I’m sure he will wave other girls under your nose at some point, trying to hurt you and with him feeling so paranoid will be standard practice for him. It must be really hard for you too because your sober! and you have lost the love ❤️which I know can be like a knife in your chest. But, it’s never ever going to be the same because he’s probably said some terrible things and done some even worse things so please try and stay brave and carry on like you are being ???????? leave him to try and make the decision to get clean or end up lost. As soon as the house is handed over that will help. ???? x
Hi Emma, I’m sure you do want to contact him and it’s naturally part of the process of distancing yourself. Prepare yourself for some horrible behaviour from him and I’m sure he will wave other girls under your nose at some point, trying to hurt you and with him feeling so paranoid will be standard practice for him. It must be really hard for you too because your sober! and you have lost the love ❤️ which I know can be like a knife in your chest. But, it’s never ever going to be the same because he’s probably said some terrible things and done some even worse things so please try and stay brave and carry on like you are being ???????? leave him to try and make the decision to get clean or end up lost. As soon as the house is handed over that will help. ???? x
I can tell you have this! even though I don’t know you i can tell you have sectioned your feelings and thankfully you haven’t let love rule what you needed to do, and living a normal and healthy life without all this horrible shit around you just makes sense. You can offer him support but ya can’t fix him so let the pros and family help him. He will try everything in the book from social media, cctv to calling you a Hunt to crying at your door! Stay focused and strong and if people don’t want to be part of your HAPPY & HEALTH program then be nice, polite and supportive but firm. Your one of the clever ones ????
How exciting! You sound like your looking forward to it and so you should because it’s the best feeling in the world and yes it’s better than any drug I’ve had. The pleasure and pain of seeing that little face looking at you moments after birth ???? so I’m not sure you can change him as he need professional help and the only thing you need to concentrate on is staying healthy and stress free. If he’s not going to do that then don’t try changing him because you won’t! You know what it’s like and it’s a horrible drug and needs no explanation of his addiction. It would be great to get a new circle of friends especially baby related and when that little girl comes along you try to go to every single baby related class you can because as a stay at home dad who has recovered from various addiction I found new friends in new circle and you would be amazing how it helps. Swimming with my baby was magical. So focus on you and your baby at the moment and stay safe. If he won’t change then you do what you need to do to protect that treasure.
Hey Enough,
You sound so caring and loving. Imagine having a cocaine free life and going to bed with your partner and not even having to think about it like it never even excised in your relationship. Well unfortunately it is affecting you and your in love so it’s like a devil on your shoulder. Knowing many people that have suffered and do suffer this dirty drug I have learned to known that usually you have only two options and one is to give him the serious and final ultimate to get genuine monitored help and stop with monthly testing! Or you leave the relationship and I’m serious!! Do you want this for the rest of your life or do you want to be free from this and enjoy a living environment and a stress free life. He will keep feeding you this “I will stop” but I can guarantee you he can’t ????????♂️ It’s not possible and he will always know that you will back him up unless you leave of give him the final warning. I think you probably know all this but it’s talking the steps to do it now and not in another 10yrs time when your mental destroyed and he’s drained and burnt out. Try and get some different support and make new decisions that he’s not familiar with to try and break the cycle. I wish you luck
Hi Roses,
Men don’t make any sense just as much as women and my wife has had to cope with my Crazy for years! The wedding ring throwing is something that people do and usually think it works but all it does is punch your partner in the heart ???? he very well maybe up to something and I think you know that you need to prepare yourself for that as the one single thing that helped escalate this is ALCOHOL ???? it’s horrible and it damages everything and everyone, it’s a drug! The worst drug. He almost certainly needs some help for his mind his addiction and it’s definitely an addiction regardless of what he may think. He’s self medicating and this reason could be one of many things and getting professional help maybe his only option, he will probably poo poo that idea as most men do but not knowing what he’s up to is naturally worrying for you and not a great environment for your children. I wish I could say he’s not doing anything horrible that would affect your trust but I can’t and he’s the only one that can tell you that so starting with the alcohol is your direction is guess. Remember that it’s not your fault and you sound like a loving and caring wife that wants a stable environment, but when a partner has an addiction or a mental health issue you can’t really cure them because your not a professional. More often than not people are stuck in this kind of situation until they grow old and the kids leave home but if you feel safe enough to approach this then do so because you don’t want to be sad. Life it too short to be sad especially in uncertain times. Don’t let his action affect yours regardless of how many years you have been together because your still a person with feelings.
Hi Harleyxx1,
I hope I can offer you some advice from all my shitty years of experience in this shitty world! Anyway, I’m familiar with your pain and understand what your feeling so let me start by saying your absolutely not a professional drugs councillor or a mental health therapist I’m guessing? So please don’t feel like you have failed and certainly don’t let anyone else make you feel like you have failed him. Cocaine has the grip of a vice and sadly your boyfriend picked his addiction like many other have done. You will never be to blame and self blame for a loved ones actions is perfectly natural but obviously not justified so try something different.
I have read your story and your actions so far are very much organised and well thought out, you sound caring, understanding and loving but you can’t save someone who needs professional help. 1000% it’s only a matter of time before his family and loved ones discover his ongoing addiction I’ve seen it many time before, and all you need to do is stay supportive amicable but distance yourself for your own health. I can absolutely guarantee you that you have done everything in your power and more so please don’t feel guilty! Your never going to please everyone around you and as long as you stay healthy during all this horrible situation you should be able to deal with it better. He’s made poor choices and you can not stop that and he can’t fix it or himself unless he commits and admits to everyone. I doubt he’s ready for that so for now removing yourself from this is the best thing you can do, love is really cruel and sticking by someone even after they have make terrible terrible choices is difficult but doing it with an addiction in the middle is utterly impossible so don’t try it. You sound like a beautiful person who wants nothing more than a beautiful life so you stick to that philosophy and don’t let anyone interfere with it. Drugs sex and alcohol sounds great until you grow up and realise you have responsibilities and at that point your an addict who has no sex life and drink every night. Let’s hope he can get the professional help he needs. Take care and good luck
Cold Turkey on cocaine isn’t life threatening, isn’t nice but more of a challenge of self power ???? the sad thing is if you want it then you absolutely need it and nothing will stop you buying it, nothing. If your mental health is unbalanced then all you want is cocaine to make you function and I suspect she will still be using but probably in hidden form now and then. This all depends on what level she has been using because it’s easy to get addicted and easy to spend £100+ a day! or £100 a week. I’ve have associates run up 50k in credit cards and loose houses only for a wife to find out a year later that they no longer have a home. It’s painful to watch. I have a child and the only important thing in life is that child! Regardless of my wife, my job or money in the bank so the children in this relationship are top priority above anything. I’m sure your son and you wish that nothing is disclosed but this is not an unusual situation in the forces and help is available for all of you if needed, especially in the forces as addiction with partners is more common than KFC. It’s probably not an option but it can be done without affecting his position but she needs to submit full disclosure and get help, if indeed she is a regular user. Yes she has failed a test but that could be down to what’s called a “cheeky few lines” when she has been out with friends or just hitting rock bottom ( the odd bag of cocaine over 6yrs isn’t an addiction) but I never trust addicts until I see a regular clean test and let’s face it alcohol is far worse than cocaine. The children are no joke in this though and are 1000% top priority over anyone which you already know so let’s hope she’s not a hard and fast user and if they do split then maybe that’s the best option in a toxic situation and your son can keep an eye on her with visiting. Finally, cocaine in my experience has always been a drug that still makes you sneaky in the fact that it’s easy to hide if you have the money and at points in my life I could one minute be Teaching pupils and then doing lines of cocaine in the staff toilet but still be a functional citizen. I don’t work in education now and I don’t use cocaine thankfully so I guess the only option you have is for your son to make the move and split and for you to stand by him or try and make ground with her. She probably just suffers mental health issues and needs professional help. I’m sure nothing I’ve said makes sense but I hope you have success
Like I said, do what you need to do to get out of the situation and lie if you need to. Make a plan and stick to it and make sure you don’t give up! Never give up! All you need to do is make sure you get away from the cancer and live life happy. I absolutely guarantee you once you do it you will feel the weight lifting from you. Please make sure you at least try. Help is available but as I said, if you have to lie and say you are very ill then do that. Take care x
Now, I need you to listen to me and listen carefully!! You are at a point in your life that you go left or go right and its clear you know which direct you know is best for you as a person and a health human. Charm only lasts for so long and cocaine and alcohol will deal with that, trust me because I can show you evidence of at least 50 people in my past circle that have lost everything including public school charm. I can tell from what your saying that you don’t want this path so don’t! Just don’t do it ????????♂️ Regardless of how many friends are related to this situation just remove yourself from it and concentrate on the EXERCISE because that will make you the person I can tell you are. Even if you have to lie your way out of this situation then do so because do what it takes to help you as a person and NEVER take drugs to satisfy some else because that’s a horrible road. If you need to tell him your ill then do that but do what you can to remove yourself and stay healthy. PLEASE ????????
Hope 1, everything you say is absolutely true and you definitely don’t need alcohol in your life. Look what it has done to your life and decide if it’s really worth doing.
The smell in the morning, every morning for months and for years is demoralising and painful to witness.
People who say if “I don’t drink in a morning” are in denial and absolutely need professional help to cure this addiction. If you drink alcohol in small doses then all that means is you have more will power than the next person. Why do people drink alcohol? To get a buzz! No other reason. Let’s face it, it tastes horrible anyway ????
People that experience intense pain as a result of injury usually take large quantities of pain medication and it’s more often than not Opiate based or take Valium. The sad fact is is that they do this because they are totally addicted to the medication and they enjoy the feeling the medication provides. He’s addicted and without professional guidance, pain management and most importantly your sons 100% cooperations to reduce his medication then nothing will change. If you haven’t discussed this with him do it sooner. Take care
Being able to resist cocaine is extremely hard indeed. Getting cocaine is easier than getting paracetamol and the sad fact is that she is almost certainly using regularly without a doubt. Is your son? Has he ever tried it? Short of you testing her you will never know but test kits are ready available and if she is sure of herself she would prove it. But that’s probably a request too far. Anyway, going without cocaine is possible but it’s not really an on and off type of drug so my experience is I would say she’s probably is using on occasions. Users are very professional at hiding! Take care