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So, it’s never nice to go through what you have and I really feel for you especially with children.
I have personally taken large amounts of cocaine and all types of other drugs to mention. I had a very stressful careers and typically assumed I was a movie star. Anyway, I had many friends that I classed as “brother” I would see more of them and how they lived than my own beautiful wife! And that’s what this drug and other similar addictions do to you, from sleeping with other girls, stashing money, steeling money, perfecting your lying and I got 1st prize ???? to every other low life technique I can think of. A true addict will do anything and will continue to do anything until they decide they no longer want to do it and sadly very few succeed. I wish I could say that he will do anything to turn his life around and will never do it again but he’s already cheated on you and maintained a secret life behind your back so stopping that forever is HARD. Short of you requesting a urine test and a lie detector every month then I don’t think you will ever get normality. He needs to put 1000% into you and your family triangle because otherwise it won’t work. It’s very very sad but both I and the majority of my old friends (the ones alive) still think deeply about cocaine ???? think of your children, yourself and then you partner in that order. Stay safe
Hello! I have just replied to someone in a very similar situation so this is not that unusual and I’m sure you know that. Don’t feel like your alone especially if you read some of the stories on this site and talking to friends and strangers will definitely help. Anyway, I’m sure you don’t need telling that alcohol is a drug! and absolutely the worst drug available to humanity so using it on a regular basis is definitely a way of medicating. If your partner is at the stage of drinking more than twice a week it is proven that it’s a problem and hiding it is the signal for danger ⛔️ I know that this for a fact as my childhood was surrounded by sneaky alcoholics. He almost DEFINITELY has a problem and needs professional help and not just a talk around the dining table because alcohol has a grip stronger than any other drug, it is absolutely evil and don’t let the critics convince you otherwise. You can’t expect yourself to fix him because your not a professional and even though he’s you love he still needs alcohol and that need can often and mostly alway be greater than your relationship. You can’t win a fight against an addict because they always win and if they don’t they argue louder and make any excuses to storm away for a fix. Personally I would ban alcohol tomorrow because it destroys families and kills so many people. I feel for you because you have and are being affected by this addiction so making a decision is very difficult. You know the term (nip it in the bud) well it’s easier said than done but if you can find the courage to give him the opportunity to get some professional help I think you can save you own life ????
Hello! Don’t feel like your alone especially if you read some of the stories on this site. Your situation is very much familiar to most people who post so good for you for reaching out. Anyway, I’m sure you don’t need telling that alcohol is a drug! and absolutely the worst drug available to humanity so using it on a regular basis is definitely a way of medicating. If your partner is at the stage of drinking more than twice a week it is proven that it’s a problem and hiding it is the signal for danger ⛔️ I know that this for a fact as my childhood was surrounded by sneaky alcoholics. He almost DEFINITELY has a problem and needs professional help and not just a talk around the dining table because alcohol has a grip stronger than any other drug. I’m not going to lecture you on when is a good time to have a child but alcohol is absolutely evil and don’t let the critics convince you otherwise. Yes, a little cheeky pint or glass of wine helps relieve the stress but so will cocaine, because cocaine is brilliant, but it will rob you of your life and unless you can control drugs then you will loose. I wish I could say it will be just a phase but it never is ???? having a drink and passing out is the point that you need professional guidance and how to address that is another question. I feel for you ????
Yep, mentally is the word! For him and for you. I suppose his mental health has altered to a point that you can’t really help I guess and when someone has been so affected by an addiction that it makes decisions for them then it’s time to make that hard call. I’m sure by the sounds of it you want that better life without that pain! I know it’s a hard decision but it will be one that you have to make eventually and as the years fly you will be more and more affected and eventually you will break. It’s easy for someone to advise if your not in that situation but one day you will be happy but not in a 3 way relationship with drugs being the 3rd. Addiction is a horrible condition and it’s sad but when you experience it you very rarely forget it, it’s the most important thing in his life and that’s why he needs you as a friend from a distance. I do hope you manage to live a free life as you sound like such a caring person. Take care and try to enjoy what little life we have left
Hi, it’s really upsetting reading your story and I’m sure you feel the same reading other desperate stories on this site. Your situation is so familiar to many others and the reality is that your one and only option available to you is to continue providing chances and support or walk away. It’s easy to pick either one of them options but you will never fix him and you will never begin to maintain a normal life until you make that choice. Yes! He needs to make that decision not you and the sad thing is the drug has such a strong grip it’s hard to break away. He never will do it and few do manage to do it, it’s a fact, unless he is locked up. You can’t help him but you can detach yourself from him to save your own short life. I’m sure you still love him but I’m sure you love your life. I hope you make it ????
I wish I could hug you all! Alcohol is awful and regardless of how many people try to convince me to “go on have a drink” I alway look back at my childhood and remember how my family was destroyed by the evil that this drug has caused. Alcohol is the most acceptable drug in the world and it destroys so many lives. I suffer my own Substance addiction and I blame this on my life as a little child watching my father being horribly abusive to me and my mother. Regardless of what anyone says if you are drinking alcohol even once a week then you have a problem “Guaranteed” and many will say no but it’s true. The only thing you all have in common is that you all realise the damage it is doing to you as a person and if you don’t do anything you will waste the only life you have. To walk away is horrible but a functioning alcoholic is the most dangerous and if they don’t want help then you will never be able to enjoy what life you have. It’s so sad how you all have been affected by someone who drinks but I want you to all know your not alone. Try and focus on you and don’t try to fix them. Stay safe.
Morning Confused123, I know what you are going through PLEASE believe me. I have to say that this won’t go away and the fact that he has made it clear he doesn’t want to stop is standard for a codeine user and to be honest taking it makes you feel numb to emotional pain more than physical pain. He’s basically hooked and is not ready to stop at the moment so don’t offer the rehab as an option as your money will be lost. Flushing the tabs is also a “wanting to stop” motion but when the urge to take comes it just makes you wish you didn’t! Anyway, the addiction can only get worse unless you take action and change your approach. I’m not sure what that is but he needs to know you don’t want to live like this. The only thing you have on your side is that he’s not a veteran at this and he’s not had long at it so he’s definitely got a chance at beating it but HE needs to want it bad!!! For the sake of you and that little baby. Don’t give him options other than the one that is available to him which is do you want to quit? If yes then that’s the time to get help and if not then your going to live with his escalating addiction for many years.. sad but true. And the answer to your question is yes I’m still taking and have been for 20yrs plus. Quit several times and cried a 1000 times, I have a bad back but that’s just an excuse. I know many people that take codeine in large quantities and most of them are successful family driven people like myself but also have this nasty addiction that can ruin your life. I’m sorry, please make him stop whatever it takes x
Confused123, Hi, I know this is difficult because I have suffered this for such a long time so please please don’t loose hope. Codeine and opiate in general are horrible and almost definitely difficult to let go of if you become addicted. Sometimes therapy only works if you are prepared to let go and that’s really not possible for most people. Taking codeine when you don’t need it is no different to taking any other illegal substance and that is the key! Your baby is the most important thing in both your lives but you partner has an addiction that is very difficult to quit and sadly with opiates you need to quit for good!!! And then try not to look back. Your story is so familiar that I can almost see what he is going through and know what your going through. He needs to think about a different approach to stopping the codeine and you also need help in dealing with the impact. I wish I could help but I would suggest that your try every possible option available to you from his and your doctors regardless of what your partner thinks because this won’t go away. Please take care. X
Danman83,
Don’t think relapse is failure because it isn’t, relapse is a sign of commitment to stop and without it you would simply be a user without direction.
Try to continue using this site as a therapy to you and the others you have helped because you have helped. I am certain that without this interaction you have had on this site you would have had a feeling of loneliness in your decease, so don’t stop posting for that reason.
Get as much professional help as you can and focus on helping others and it will help you.
Keep telling others of your progress goo or bad because it really helps.
I have relapsed more time than I can remember and it can only be done with HELP.
Good luck brother!
Hi Huddle, hope your holding up,
It’s very important that you use sites like this to get in touch with your feelings and situations.
I feel it will be enormously useful for you because it will bring you closer to what you can do and can’t do for your son, and we can only do so much. My own brother suffered terribly with mental health issues and eventually I got the call to say his suffering had ended. We all worry about that call but as a mother you will never give up on him and that is a fact. Addicts will always find a way to feed the habit and stop at nothing to get the money to buy the drug even if it hurts others. You have already worked this out but do not give him any money at all! Feed him and assist with recovery support but remember you are not an expert so don’t put pressure on yourself to try and fix him. You are doing your best but ultimately he needs removing from everything and that is a dream we all wish could come true. I wish you all the luck in the world and remember that your a great mother with an independent sick child. I wish I had a mother.x
B8988,
Hi, yes I do still feel love but my craving and addiction has taken over so badly that love never comes first. Everyone I know and I know many who suffer this disease say the same and it’s almost like we all share the same thoughts. In some form or another I’ve been an addict for 20 years and my wife has stuck with me. Maybe I’ve brainwashed her! At the moment I am only taking tablets to fight the cravings but it still affects me and my relationship. I’m a horrible person at times and I’m an expert at telling lies and starting arguments just so I can get high/give in to the cravings so I wish I could say to you that things can change but they won’t. He’s going to try everything in the book until you realise it’s a lie or you are financially and emotionally destroyed. I’ve seen it many many times before with some very successful friends. My advice to you don’t tolerate anything other that guarantees and results, include drug tests.
As you have said, you don’t want to risk it again so don’t let them kids suffer because you love the real him, it’s not him. If he’s strong enough then he will do it. I hope you have the strength.
You can contact The Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org
Hi Huddle, if you have ever experienced taking and being addicted to a drug before then you will know the grip it can have on you, and if you haven’t then the grip it has on you is tight. When someone takes that drug for the first time it gives the feeling of relief and freedom that nothing else can provide and it’s truly amazing beyond words. Unfortunately the first time is all it takes to ruin everything and that addiction takes hold fast so stopping for a day feels like someone burning your skin with fire. He will never pick you over crack because crack is life to him and without it he can’t breathe. Your situation is tearful in so many ways because you are totally helpless and will never be able to fix him without intense intervention or immediately residential treatment. He’s locked into easy access to addiction that will continue unless he finally begs and pleads for help but that is offer uncommon in seasoned addicts. Please don’t feel that you are not trying everything as a mother because you are trying more than others. Get some professional help for YOU because you need help first and this site has ways to support families in need. Stay strong.
Pep123,
As an ex Teacher and Cocaine user I’ve had some experience in your situation so I can give you my version if it helps. I have to say that without getting some professional help for him then unfortunately he’s going to continue taking but I’m sure you already know that but what you can do is start by giving him some options. His ultimatum is he must attend regular drug counselling and especially agree to screening/testing on his urine. Yes it sounds extreme but it’s the only way to get some commitment from him with regards to the children. It’s a sure fire way to gauge his commitment to get clean. Cocaine is fearlessly addictive and basically prevents you from telling the truth to anyone you love and both me and my fellow addicts would have dug up our dead grandmas and sold their bones just to satisfy our addiction! He will never stop this on his own and I can guarantee that so please be super strong and strict when you sit down and give him the ultimatum. I nearly lost everything I loved and yet lost the one thing I loved more than everything, and that was Cociane I’m afraid. I love my child and wife and now I’m free but one drug can easily be replaced by another so voluntary drug testing and good professional help is your best option. Otherwise, if he won’t agree to help for the kids sake, Drop him like a hot potato. Take care
You really are an amazing friend! I fear most people would have given up on her.
I’m sure you know this but due to her condition, addictions and mental health she is using you for everything she can get. She will never stop doing this because it gets her what she needs to satisfy her. I’m absolutely sure she loves you but You sound like your stepping back on enabling her and that’s the way forward. Just keep giving her support but nothing else and hopefully she will be able to get the help she needs. Street Drugs and alcohol are horrible!! and mixed with mental health it became destructive to everyone around us.
I hope you can find what you are looking for and peace be with you my friend.