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Hello your story is so sad. You really do need to try and speak with someone who can give you some professional support. Whilst you may not like to think of yourself as someone who is going through domestic abuse. If he is making you feel isolated or hitting you or accusing you of things. He is trying to undermine your sense of self worth and things can only get worse. You need to stay strong and do what is best for your own mental health. Whilst it may be easy to blame his behaviour on the drug use. Someone who is taking away your confidence and your ability to see clearly is not someone who is good for you or someone you should try to stay with. I really hope you get the help and support you need and that you manage to get yourself out of this toxic situation. You will thank yourself for it. It may take some time to recover and see the light but you will be so pleased that you did. You are better than this and a strong person. You must look to your future and the opportunities that will lay ahead for you.
Hi, I was with my ex from the age of 22 until 29. Whilst he had always had an addictive personality I largely tried to put it to the back of my mind. As his job got more stressful and he was doing better and better at work the drinking and cocaine became a more and more intense. He had always drank everyday even when he was ill with flu and coughing his guts out. But when you’re in your early 20s you don’t think too much about how unusual it is for someone to be drinking every day. One night after 4 years together he was violent and threw things at me after a drunken/coked up evening. The neighbours called the police and my heart broke watching him being handcuffed over our dining room table and taken off to a police cell. Whilst the police were hoping I’d press charges I just couldn’t because I didn’t want him to loose his job and at the time I thought I would be strong enough to let go and finish the relationship. We ended up getting back together after a few months, by which time he was taking cocaine daily, I assume as a way to deal with our breakup. By the end of the relationship after years of begging and pleading with him to get help. Years of broken promises and so many heartbreaking times of him crying his eyes out and admitting that he needed help, nothing changed. He loved me and I loved him but it wasn’t enough to keep us together. I’d be blamed constantly for his reasons as to why he drinks, why he stays out, why he’s so unhappy. Then the next day he’d say sorry. He’d promise that he was not taking drugs, only to find them in his pocket. We were supposed to be saving up to buy a house, then I found out he was in thousands of pounds of debt and had pay day loans out. That was the last straw. I left. That was over two years ago now. Yet sadly enough I still love him. He’s since been with someone else who also takes drugs and from what I understand she has also come to the same conclusion as I. Unfortunately there is no helping some people. Love is not enough to keep you with someone. When they are not showing you the same level of love, trust or respect you have no choice but to walk away and get the support instead you need from your friends and family. I do hope you all manage to escape the toxicity and find some peace. It is utterly heartbreaking and soul destroying to watch someone you love kill themselves and your relationship but if they don’t want to change they won’t change. It would only be if he lost his job I think that would be what may make him change his mind.