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Can I ask you if the drug makes u so numb that u really forget or you choose not to deal with your responsibilities or life?or is it shame ? It’s too much for me to expect him to ever call ? Is it that he was living a double life that has now been blown out of control? When sober minded he was ok but as soon as u get out to take the drugs it’s a whole other person? So now wherever / whoever around him has him so well kept with a ready supply of drugs that his mind doesn’t have time to think of the mess that he has made.
I have to thank this forum though because it really helps me to push forward knowing that this is a global thing and I’m not alone.
They all seem to live in this dream world where reality doesn’t exist.and these dealers hold onto them so closely to get ever dollar that they want to spend behind this drug chase. I just want for my mind to forget that he even existed so I can move forward and regain happiness in my life.looking back i realize how I was silently just Hoping that the police never called or that he never overdosed. But obviously these thoughts never existed in his brain. My brain is one that over analyses so that the long list of unanswered questions which he left frustrates me a times.
Thanks for responding. The debt while he was on his binge after a week I was told that twenty thousand was needed to be paid for his release. Off course as a dutiful wife I paid it to ensure that he and his car would’ve been released. That release never happened. So I don’t know what I paid the money for. All the guy who called his friend who is also the dealer kept saying and telling people is that he was too ashamed to face his wife. Then when someone we knew saw him he simply said he moved on. But in no way can he even message or call me to say anything. Was that even a marriage if he cannot see it fit to give me closure. Everything to me was good at home , no arguments nothing. Then u realize your drugs is out of control. So I guess it’s leave the wife that wants the best for u and go live off of someone else. Operate like you are living your best life when people who we knew meet him. So disappointing to throw his life away like that. Because everything he owns all his documents everything were left by me
My husband left in March without an argument or anything . And besides the call I got to pay a lot of money to a dealer which he seemingly owed. He has never contacted me. Can someone explain how a 14yr relationship ( four years married) no longer exists in your brain.he has left me with every bill to manage. And now is living with a woman who has to buy everything from scratch for him because when he left home he took nothing as he was supposed to be coming back. It’s daunting at times that a man can walk away from a relationship where he was cared for , he just knew that I wouldn’t accept the cocaine inside my house which was getting worse. Apparently he had been using for 10 yrs and it’s now getting the better of him. Poor money management , low to no sex drive, but had to use viagra all the time. His sperm count has also been destroyed by the drug as we went to many specialists to try to get pregnant. Is it that where he is he really doesn’t remember he had a home or he is full of shame and guilt ? Can someone explain? This drug gave him a history of leaving home to be with various women who would assist in his habit but he would always come back. This time I’ve had enough. It’s as though I’m taken for granted . The blood stained rags and pieces of your inside nose , the vomiting when u eat food after being in a binge where it’s only drugs and alcohol, the headaches. I cant understand how they see that as a good. Can someone help me understand
This is crazy to see how the husbands leave us women in disbelief. My husband who I’ve always done everything for has left me and never contacted me to say why or anything. I had to pay $20000.00 which I was told he owed the dealers. I don’t know what to believe. I heard that his drug use is getting the better of him. I know now that he is living with another lady who seems to help fund his lifestyle. As he left everything he owns at home . So from clothing upwards someone had to buy him as he had no job for some months. He has told people he hasn’t moved on and was planning to for a while. But his drug use was getting worse and I kept warning him. He chose drugs over his wife who has been bailing him out for 14 yrs. his cocaine use apparently began 10yrs ago but was hidden from me until the last three years. I asked him one time when he will stop. He said he sees a lil more cocaine in his life. I can’t understand that thinking at all. I cant understand how he can’t see how using cocaine and alcohol and viagra generic kamagra is going to damage his health. His use became so bad that his sperm count was ridiculously low (so I couldn’t get pregnant)and well he can’t have sex without using kamagra/viagra as the cocaine seemingly affects the ability to keep or even get it up. At 46 yrs he has thrown everything he had in store for him away. But it’s as though he thinks he did good and I’m the wrong one. I’m left with all the bills and house and two car mortgages. It makes me feel as though I failed in life. But this will make me stronger because it has always been me balancing the bills. His money was always funny. He would always cheat and walk away and return after months. Begging for forgiveness. But I now have to live my life. He isn’t the person I met and loved. He is a lying cheating person. I’m glad he was never physically abusive to me. But he has been very abusive to girls he cheated with. I want to believe shame and disgrace has a lot to do with how he cannot even call or message and say something. Give me closure. But when On That drug path u have to hit ground level to see the mess you made. I ask god to help me forgive him but I’ll never forget. Let me spread my wings now and live my life without having to run after his every need. I do wish that he can get the help he needs and save himself before it’s too late. Some days I’m ok and other days I feel as though I fell into a hole and cannot climb out and the world is laughing at me. But that’s my mind playing tricks. I did everything I can to try to help him and help make him a success. But he chose drugs over me and our marriage. They always seem to run to a woman who would allow them to use the drugs freely where they feel they wouldn’t be judged.
Thanks to u all I realize I am not alone. This forum may help my mind stabilize and know that I was not wrong.