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Hello, I’ve been reading through all of your posts and I’m so sorry some of you are still fighting the same battle, it is so exhausting isn’t it?
I thought I’d give a little update. Since his relapse 2 weeks ago he’s doing well. He’s going to work, helping in the house and he’s signed up for the support group in our town. He’s seeing his therapist this week too, and I think he’s finally admitted that he can’t do it on his own. He’s also accepted that cannabis is as much of a problem as cocaine.
I’m struggling. I can see he’s feeling good and motivated, he’s doing all the right things. It’s not been a bliss since his relapse, we had couple of arguments, but nowhere near as bad as we used to. I’m really trying to keep remembering how far he’s come. He’s been using pretty much everyday in the weeks before he told me about his problem, he’s spent 3 months in bed after he confessed, barely eating and smoking weed for breakfast.
Our friends have been amazing and I’m so grateful for them. But seeing my friends happy, leading normal lives really makes me feel like I’m missing out. I’m going on holiday next month with a friend, and I’m already worrying about him staying here on his own, especially if he starts struggling again. At the same time I do feel like I’m slowly checking out, trying to do things that make me feel happy, and bracing myself for a disaster at some point in the semi-near future.
I’m so sorry that you had to go through this. Like I said, it’s sometimes harder to walk away when they are ‘nice’ and want to stop. It makes me sad how many people struggle with it, and how heartless their actions are.
It does feel like my partner had made some progress. He was bed bound with depression for about 4 months, wouldn’t eat and he would smoke weed the moment he opened his eyes, even if it was 7am in the morning. When I was begging him to stop he would tell me he can stop whenever he wants, but people just expect things from him without doing things he expects them to do. He wouldn’t shower for a week and I would be an enemy number one. He then had a psychotic episode caused by shrooms and I think that scared him. He seemed to have been gradually getting better since, and he does seem to be honest about his slip ups.
Maybe I should give it a year, until September. Then, if he relapses again, call it quits.
I’m so glad you’ve managed to find joy in life again. I wish you all the best, and a lovely family in the future x
Thanks so much for your reply and kind words. I think it would be easier to leave if he refused to get help and was a total arsehole.
But he is devastated by his latest relapse, took all my screams and tears on the chin last night and he reckons he will be back at work tomorrow.
He has been seeing a therapist and taking antidepressants. But he has stopped seeing his therapist for a little bit, because he felt like he’s well enough to try without him (they’re also expensive). He struggled with his mental health a bit more those last couple of weeks, and last week he told me he will go gp and up his antidepressant dosage, and will go back to his therapist. Sounds like he’s on it, right?
And last night when he relapsed, he said he will go to all support groups meetings etc. So, unlike a lot of husbands on this forum, he does seem to be wanting to get better, was sober for 3 months and told me straight away every time he relapsed. He started taking care of himself, like exercise and eat healthy. But just because someone else’s husband sounds worse than mine, does it mean I should stay? Am I just clutching at straws? And like debbieg2020 said, I don’t know if I can be living in constant fear it’ll all come crashing down again. 31 seems an awkward age to leave, because I’m not getting any younger and want children. Not that that is my reason to stay, it terrifies me to think I could bring children into this. I just never thought we’d be here, as like a lot of people said on this forum, my fiancé adored me and we were the power couple everyone looked up to. I just can’t believe we are where we are.
I’m so sorry you have to go through this. The problem is, you’re right, they won’t asses him unless he’s off the drugs. Thats what the GP told me. You might want to try going private, if you can afford it. I think we were quoted about £400 for an assessment, but never went through with it, and I didn’t mention drugs at that point. With my loved one, I think it was the drugs that were making his paranoia worse. But even after being clean for a bit, he still believed everyone thought he was a horrible person. Though this might just be low self esteem now. Your son sounds like a more extreme case. I’m also sorry to say but it sounds like he should go rehab as a starting point. You can’t do this on your own, and if he doesn’t want help then it’s extremely hard to get it. He’d need to be a danger to himself to get into a hospital. Which tbh sounds like this is where he’s heading! I’d try 111 to start with, they might be able to guide you.
Good luck xx
Hello ????.
I’m new here and I’m stunned how many people are in the similar situation to mine. I guess I’m looking for support because I just don’t know what to do anymore.
September last year my fiancé broke to me that he’s been using cocaine for 9 months nearly every day. By ‘broke to me’ it was me asking him whether he did because his behaviour changed, he always had a bunged up nose and he kept withdrawing from me. After many months of tears, more secrets out, him having a mental breakdown and being thousands of pounds in debt I finally thought we were getting somewhere. He was back at work part time, stopped using (last time he did was in February this year). Then he used an opportunity when I was out with friends to buy some and took it all at once… I’m just so heartbroken, we postponed the wedding again because of his mental health and debt, but now I don’t even know if I can commit to him and this recovery.
I read a lot of horror stories of husbands hiding, lying and being monsters on this forum. My fiance did blame me for a lot whe he was very poorly with his mental health, but since I’ve found out about his addiction he’s told me about every relapse. He knows he’s got a problem, he suggested I take all his bank cards so he can’t buy any that he will go to all the meetings again and will start talking to his therapist again. So it seems like he wants to get better, but I just wonder whether I’m clinging onto whatever I can. He’s also said it can be all over tomorrow, I just need to say because it’s his battle and he’s dragging me down and I don’t deserve it. I just need to tell him to go and ill have my life back. Like it is a lot of the times with these things, he has been using drugs to deal with his poor mental health, so that’s a problem as much as the drugs, as he seems to be reaching out for them every time he struggles. At this point I’m not sure whether I can marry him and commit my life to this. Its been nearly 2 years of hell and its just not life. Im 31, weve been together for nearly 8 years and i just feel robbed of my future. I thought we would be trying for babies right now, yet were here, with the wedding postponed again, and so much heartache idk i can take anymore. So I guess I’m reaching out for a bit of support, and perhaps an opinion of people who might be in a similar situation to mine.