[rockhopper365]

Thank you so much for your reply. I know that our family situation has left him feeling pushed out and sidelined a lot of the time, and also that he feels he has lost his sense of purpose since becoming unemployed. He finds it hard to talk about his feelings (his parents brought him up with a ‘just get on with it’ attitude so he often doesn’t understand what he is feeling) which makes it hard for him too.

Your post really helped though, as it was a timely reminder of all of those things and therefore how to carefully bring up the issue with him.

I approached him about it from the perspective that I was worried about him, and that I felt he had been drinking quite a bit. At first he denied it, and then diminished it, but I kept gently saying I felt it was more than that. That I wasn’t angry or judging in any way, I just wanted him to know I wanted to provide whatever support I can, and help him find the right support for the rest. Eventually he started to admit it, and also how ashamed he had been feeling.

The next day he said he’d started to look at support options, and in the meantime he said he would tell me if he wanted to drink.

I don’t know what path we will take from here, but I am relieved that he felt able to talk to me, which is a big step.

It still hurts so much. The only times I have felt like this before was when my dad died, when I had a miscarriage, and when he told me 7 years into our relationship that he wasn’t sure that we should stay together (which I still have no real understanding of, except for the supposed ‘7 year itch’). I guess that is my issue that I will need to find a way to work through.

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