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Hello Gem12345,
I can relate. I’ve been with my partner nearly 4 years, and he is an alcoholic. We have been through a great 8 months of him being sober, but unfortunately he is back to drinking again. One of the many things I have learned, is that addicts can be extremely manipulative. You have to rise above it. It’s not your fault. He is a grown man, who makes his own decisions. You are not responsible for his recovery. He is the only person who can do it, for himself. Trust me, let it go. It’s on him, not you.
Hi MJMB,
It really sucks doesn’t it! I’m currently sat in bed watching TV, been at work today. He has been drinking all day and is now sleeping. Story of my life!! Where is the quality time together?
This morning, whilst I was getting ready for work, he told me that he knew he needed to stop drinking, and was feeling very positive about it…. Well that lasted long! He’s obviously had an absolute skin full today. It’s boring. It’s lonely. I just look at him and feel angry, disappointed and alone. I must be mad… because I’m still here. I love this man more than words can express, and when he was sober, things had never been better. I suppose I’m holding on to that, and hoping the sober times return. It’s so hard to try and empathise though.
Hi MJMB,
It really sucks doesn’t it! I’m currently sat in bed watching TV, been at work today. He has been drinking all day and is now sleeping. Story of my life!! Where is the quality time together?
This morning, whilst I was getting ready for work, he told me that he knew he needed to stop drinking, and was feeling very positive about it…. Well that lasted long! He’s obviously had an absolute skin full today. It’s boring. It’s lonely. I just look at him and feel angry, disappointed and alone. I must be mad… because I’m still here. I love this man more than words can express, and when he was sober, things had never been better. I suppose I’m holding on to that, and hoping the sober times return. It’s so hard to try and empathise though.
It’s really good to hear everyone’s stories. It’s good to know there are people who understand the struggles we face. So my OH is back to drinking every day.. Most days he drinks but not to a point of being extremely drunk, but there are some days that he will go on a real bender.. I hate those days. I’ve had to call the paramedics to him at least 3 times (this was before rehab). This was because he was too ill to actually stomach any alcohol and subsequently went into withdrawals, which is extremely dangerous. So he had a seizure, and I’ve also experienced him having the DTs – Very dangerous. He is having sessions with an alcohol support worker now, to help him reduce his daily intake, but I’m yet to see that happen. There is always an excuse… I just wonder why he bothered getting in touch with alcohol services if he’s not going to work with them.
Hi, I’m really glad you reached out on here. We are all here to support each other.
Have you spoken to anyone else, like your GP or mental health services? I know it may seem a bit scary, but they are there to help. Use them.
Hi HolKat,
Rehab is a wonderful thing, but rehab is the easy bit. It’s when they come out that the real hard work must begin. I know that my partner really needed some aftercare, but he came out just as the first lockdown began, so he couldn’t go to the 2/3 meetings a week that he was attending prior to rehab. He did so well for the first 8 months or so, but then one day he decided to drink. And guess who got the blame for it…Me of course. But I know that I’m not to blame, in the past I probably would have second guessed myself, but I’m more wise to it now. Addicts are very manipulative.
That’s so true. They are in a relationship with alcohol, and we come second. Alcohol is their priority, we are not. It’s a bitter pill to swallow isn’t it? My OH is really starting to p*ss me off.
Marnie, hello!
Your story is so so similar to mine. Im in the exact same position at the moment. He was 8 months sober, and it was fantastic. But now I feel like we are back to square one! It’s so difficult to deal with, isn’t it?! I just can’t get my head around it all. He was doing so well.
Hello,
As I lay here in bed alone, I found myself coming on here for support. My partner is out, drinking at a friends house. When he left the house he said he was just going to the shop, that was hours ago. He went to rehab in March and was sober for about 8 months – The best 8 months of our relationship. But he relapsed in November, and he is still drinking. I feel so heartbroken because I love him so much. I can’t bare the thought of leaving, so what do I do! I know that ultimately it’s up to me to decide what im willing to put up with, but things just feel hopeless. He has engaged with his GP and the alcohol team he worked with before, which is a positive in this situation, he is waiting now for a key worker to get in touch, but right now it feels like we are back to square one.
Hi Janette,
It’s a very difficult and emotionally exhausting situation to find yourself in. But unless he wants to stop, he wont. My partner is currently in rehab as he’s an alcoholic. Its his 3rd detox.
You have done so well! You should be very pleased with yourself! 🙂
Just think, soon you will be free of this drug, and you can spend all that money you are saving on doing something nice with your family. Good luck
Hi,
Sorry to hear this, its a miserable situation. I actually wrote a reply to you, then deleted it as I felt I wasn’t qualified to give the advice, when im in a relationship with an alcoholic! Im good at giving advice, but dont take it myself.
I think the cold hard truth here is, he will not change if he doesn’t want to. You can’t do it for him. You have to decide if you can carry on like this? Have a talk with him, let him know how bad things have got for you.
Hello,
I live in constant fear. Every day I wake up wondering how long my partner is going to be alive. He is an alcoholic with many alcohol related health problems. He goes to see an alcohol worker every 3 weeks, he says he doesn’t want to live like this anymore, but his actions don’t match- I don’t feel he is even trying. I love him with all my heart, I know I cant ‘save’ him. Its just so stressful living like this.