[sadmom23]

I don’t think I am strong enough emotionally to do anything at the moment, I’m literally just trying to get through each day as best I can. My husband, I don’t think has a clue, he knows i suffer from depression and take medication for it but doesn’t seem to have noticed that I am a shadow of my former self. I’m 47 by the way and came to this site to find someone to talk to really and hope that other parents can relate to the same issues as me. You’ve all helped lots and given me honest opinions, but also some hope and whilst I have hope, I will carry on doing the best I can.

[sadmom23]

Retroheadz, it is sad but true and I know it, which is what makes my predicament so difficult. If I tell my family, everyone’s lives will be torn apart again, especially hers and mine, I could potentially face a broken marriage which I really don’t want. I’ve tried to talk to her today but she’s not in the stage of the cycle where she is wanting change, I’ve kinda told her I can’t carry on like this and that’s it’s not fair on everyone and pointed to the fact she can’t live with me longer term if things don’t change. She was pretty unresponsive and said ‘I don’t know what you want me to say’ this doesn’t feel like her talking as we’ve had stages where she’s been desperate for my help. As awful as this is I almost want something to happen so that everyone will find out but that it hasn’t come from me, I can’t cope with the guilt of not telling, but I can’t cope with the guilt if I do. I feel so desperate, the days are getting harder and more unbearable and I’m hanging onto life by a thread.

[sadmom23]

Thank you, I have tried everything though, I can’t see a solution. All I know is don’t like her at the moment and I don’t even want to be a part of it anymore.

[sadmom23]

It’s cocaine she does but recently she’s been doing more cannabis instead to try and curb the craving for cocaine apparently, but like I say I don’t know what to believe really. She has held down a full time job the whole time this has been going on which is another reason why it’s quite difficult, her behaviour is relatively ‘normal’ and doesn’t cause any bother with it really. It’s just for me, knowing everything is so painful because I want her stop and also the financial implications are a big worry, trying to minimise the damage is a struggle. We are at the stage of helping her to manage her bills etc with a weekly allowance for spending, but if she runs out she’ll just borrow and that’s when we run into more problems.

[sadmom23]

Thank you Retroheadz, some days I feel stronger and more able to tackle it, but others I can’t cope. I want to believe her when she says she wants to have a different life and I think she believes it too, she has a support worker and sees a counsellor. I’m being patient and understand the cycle of change etc but I just lose my way sometimes and find it hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I’m struggling to instil boundaries, she is 20. I am going to have to give her either an ultimatum or a timescale for change as I don’t want to cause my family and husband more distress.

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