[sae1996]

Heyyy! I just thought I’d come on here to see how everyone is doing. You’re doing awesome! Great to hear that things are looking up 🙂

[sae1996]

Hahaaaaa,

Yep, things have been good since I was last on here. I have been checking up on here but just haven’t posted 🙂

How are you?

[sae1996]

@danman83 Hi! I haven’t been on here for a little while, but WELL DONE. You have absolutely smashed it! 😀

[sae1996]

Hello!

My boyfriend struggles with drug addiction and on multiple times has used Xanax.

Have you taken your daughter to see a doctor?

[sae1996]

* your point of view

[sae1996]

@B8988 Hi! Yes Al Anon is for any addiction whether it be gambling, drugs, alcohol etc. It is good and makes you realise you really are not alone. You do not have to share if you don’t want too – I didn’t but I think I was in shock about being there and it was all too much plus I hate public speaking!

I went to family therapy also when my boyfriend was in rehab and that was helpful.

Why don’t you give it a go? I would deffo recommend the book, it gives you questions to answer and it makes you think of it from our point of you which I find is a good exercise! Also a little bit off topic but might help, cos I spend a lot of my day thinking about this, I have the Ferne Cotton Happy book and journal and I am loving the journal! It allows you to just have some time for you, I do it before bed so I can just reflect on myself.

Maybe doing something like that will help you and be a good distraction even if it is for 5 minutes x

[sae1996]

Yeah definitely, it’s so hard to find the right time plus sometimes when I’m feeling really upset and low about it I get so mad and say why is it always in your time when we can talk? I struggle with that because I find it so hard to understand how they know someone is upset and just not acknowledge it.

I do a lot of researching but since he went to rehab he knows what to do, it’s just applying it to every day life. It’s hard. Maybe there’s an underlying issue, a lot of addictions stem from a trauma, or mental health issues etc? It’s a very dark road to go down but can be beneficial to find out the cause of all this.

Yes in an ideal world, it would be easy! In Al Anon I learnt that we need to put ourselves first and admit we’re powerless over our partners actions and almost learn to live our lives and not base it around them (its very hard to get your head round but does seem beneficial – although I find it hard to understand how people can just act like it’s not happening)

I’m not sure if you’ve heard of the 12 step programme, but there is one for co-dependants which is good. I have started it twice and then stopped when things were good but should probably give it another go. I bought the book off amazon.

[sae1996]

He does accept it and take it in but doing it is another thing, I think for him he it has to click. If that makes sense.

Maybe your girlfriend has kind of had enough and feels emotionless to it, I got to that point too. Maybe she finds it hard to talk about because she might of wanted to talk to you about it a lot times but you haven’t been available due to being high? I am not sure?

I think you should tell her, I think encouragement is SO important. You need to be told you’re doing great otherwise you might think why the hell am I doing this? You know – I think you should tell her and that you need her support as the first few months are very hard.

I too have a bad temper especially when things like this happen but its because I care so maybe she is the same? I doubt she wants you to mess up!

I will take a look at Louise Clarke, but I don’t want to seem too forceful but I can educate myself in the meantime!

I wonder how those tablets help – let me know how you get on with those!

[sae1996]

I feel the same.

Me and my boyfriend have been together since we were 14, and I honestly could not be without him and I know he feels the same.

I felt like that too, when he went to rehab we drew a line under everything. I may of not got all the answers I wanted or felt I needed to know but I had the mindset of this is my new life and he is on track and things were amazing.

Now we’ve had a few bumps in the road, all the questions and feelings have come back. I have so many questions I want to ask him but I feel I can’t – it makes me so paranoid.

[sae1996]

I told him about the app, but I think you need to choose the right time to talk about stuff (would you agree being the addict?) I texted him about it and he didn’t seemed bothered, I really want him to download it though.

Great to hear you’re doing well, books are helpful! He also has a lot of books about it but hasn’t got round to reading them all and when you’re on a come down I’m guessing the last thing you wanna do is read about your addiction – you feel shit as it is.

I haven’t seen him since Sat and as far as I know he hasn’t used since Sat night/ early hours Sunday morning. He is doing his usual routine which he learnt from rehab, but I really don’t know, he thinks when I ask I’m nagging or going on but I’m not I am genuinely just asking.

Sooo annoying haha! How have you dealt with the cravings and withdrawals?

[sae1996]

My boyfriend is the same, he’s the nicest person, so caring, down to earth – EVERYTHING. But once he’s taken something boom, he is different.

I also make allowances too because I know this isn’t him, but we need self respect too. Everyones story is different but it’s crazy how we can all relate and have the same feelings.

I hate it and wish it would just go away but it’s not going to be a miracle. This is the worst thing I’ve ever gone through and probably ever will.

I feel so strongly about your last sentence as I am the same. Horrible how this drug is controlling them but is also controlling us. 🙁

[sae1996]

I don’t know how too, I’ve tried and don’t feel I’m being taken seriously.

I am starting to think of myself more, but it’s hard because he has so much potential. He is unbelievably smart, no one has a bad word to say about him and I know I’m biased but he can do so much with his life and it’s so difficult to watch him do this.

How’re you getting on today?

[sae1996]

I agree with all you’ve said. I am patient and do only try to talk when he’s sober but when I found out he’s relapsed its only natural to want to talk there and then because I am so sad, 1) that he’s relapsed and 2) to know he’s suffering and feels he cannot tell anyone!

He went to rehab last year so knows the tools and what to do, it just seems he’s lost his control now and is struggling again. I just feel resentment and so many questions go through my head, like what are you doing when you’re high? You don’t talk to me for hours, so who are you talking to? It makes me paranoid.

I know it will have the opposite affect (tried it haha) and it doesn’t work. Please can you enlighten be on the dopamine in the brain? I have never heard of this before and am interested.

Its a life long battle you are right, and I do want to be there every step of the way supporting him but it’s hard when you feel that you are no longer important to that person.

I like talking too! Makes me feel less crazy haha.

[sae1996]

I completely agree! My boyfriend was sober for 7 and a half months and then randomly relapsed and said it was a one off and he went to meetings again and I was hopeful but still gutted. Since then he has relapsed every month and I’m finding it hard to cope.

The thought of I don’t understand why he won’t stop for me or think about me etc. in your position you and your children is hard but an addict will not think about that. He is right, the brain does trick you because it is an illness and its disgusting and makes my blood boil.

The fact that he did get sober is a good thing and it hopeful he can do it – that is what I’m holding on to right now and I’m only 22.

All we can do is be supportive which is SO hard because when I try to be supportive and be there I get pushed away because I’m being annoying or I need to stop going on because it doesn’t help but neither does ignoring it and brushing it under the carpet.

For him to ever stop, is because he needs to want to which is very hard to understand when we feel it should be so easy. 🙁

[sae1996]

Hello!

My boyfriend went to rehab last year and I can relate to all the emotions you’re feeling. I was terrified and was so scared of the outcome.

Please stay positive – it’s great to know that he is starting a detox and wants to get his life on track. Be as supportive as you can but also put your self first.

It’s very over whelming and will not be easy – even after the two weeks. Going to Al Anon meetings will help you if you need to be in the company of others going through a similar situation. x

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