[sae1996]

Unfortunately, they have no control over it. The first step of the 12 step programme is the admit that you’re powerless and your life has become unmanageable – which it certainly has.

I feel the same as you, how you can be supportive when you’re being lied to or deceived. You’re trying to be the good person but you’re getting all the backlash from it too.

It’s a vicious cycle. Has he ever looked into getting help for this?

[sae1996]

Hello,

I am sorry for all that is happening – it really is the worst. My boyfriend to has a cocaine addiction and it’s heart breaking. I can too relate to the resentment, he has relapsed within the last week and all I feel is resentment but can’t walk away as I love him so much.

You need to put yourself first and your baby, I know its hard I really do. Have you ever gone to an Al Anon meeting? I found it quite hard to go, but speaking to people will definitely help you. I went ages not talking to anyone about it and keeping it a secret and thinking I was mad, but once I spoke to people I have felt a sigh of relief and a weight lifted off my shoulders.

Please keep strong and put yourself first x

[sae1996]

Hi Adam,

How’re you? I am in a relationship with a cocaine addict so I understand exactly what you’re saying here. I’m sorry that you’re struggling and I can’t image what it must feel like.

You said you’ve researched about treatments – have you ever attended CA? This might help and is a good opportunity to make friends but you need to do it for yourself or it won’t work.

Alternatively, chatting to people on here might help you if you like to talk to people.

Stay strong – you’ve got this.

[sae1996]

I know exactly what you mean – it’s absolutely heart breaking and it’s not even just when they’re using. It’s the aftermath of the come down, or when they’re struggling and go and get it. I’m finding it very hard to communicate and he will not talk to me about it. Just awful.

[sae1996]

Hello!

I agree with Hox. My Boyfriend is the kindest person ever when he’s sober but once he’s used no one else matters. It’s awful and scary how addictions have such a hold on people.

I hope things get better for you x

[sae1996]

Hi Kerryjane,

I’m really sorry that you’re going through this at the moment, especially with what happened to your brother also.

Have you ever attended Al Anon?

[sae1996]

Yeah it’s not good!

He knows that, I’ve told him a millions times haha – it just hasn’t happened. He finds it hard to talk to me about it also as I sometimes just fly off the handle and get really mad. From your point of view, do you find it hard to speak about? Like if someone was suggesting things to you would you find that frustrating?

As he has relapsed, he doesn’t want to talk about it so today we haven’t and its almost like it hasn’t happened. Of course theres that tension and elephant in the room. But when stuff happens, I like to address it there and then and just get it out in the open, neither of us are going to like it – but it seems he doesn’t want to even talk about it – perhaps this is because he feels embarrassed?

Thank you very much, you too!

[sae1996]

Least you know counselling helped!

Yeah I know it’s mad, once he was out of rehab it was like a dream everything was good, there was no issues! We went on holiday, went to gigs and had the best time then its all come crashing down.

He doesn’t really go out, he does it on his own – this is how I know it’s a bad problem. He doesn’t really like going out partying. He used to drink every day, but since coming out of rehab he hasn’t it’s just been these times he’s relapsed.

That’s how I feel, like we’ve made it this far, but then I’m like this is my life too? This has consumed my whole life and that’s hard.

Drinking isn’t everything anyway, I am sure you’ll be great and enjoy your holiday! 😀

[sae1996]

My boyfriend also has dreams about using and I think this is one of the triggers.

Great to hear you’ve got a good support network around you – do you think you’ll attend meetings in your area? Yes Russell Brand is wicked – my boyfriend has the book and had to watch his documentaries in rehab.

I will let him know about the app!

I know I agree – he is a people pleaser which isn’t always a good thing. He is still young so I think that makes it harder also. I am terrified about the side affects of coke, and I hate it so much but me going on will not help (trust me I’ve tried everything haha)

Don’t be ashamed of your addiction, it doesn’t make you a bad person. You are doing a great thing right now – you should be SO proud of yourself, I am sure your girlfriend and mum are also. 🙂

[sae1996]

As hard as it is the support worker is right. People will not change unless they want to themselves. 🙁 It’s so hard, and I am so sorry this is happening in your life. x

[sae1996]

Hi Angel,

I am sorry to hear that you’re going through a tough time. Addiction is an awful illness and really hard to understand.

Does your daughter want to change? Does she realise she has an illness?

What did her Support Worker say when you let her know that she is asking for money?

[sae1996]

Hey! Thanks for your reply.

I’m really glad to hear that you’re trying your best and you’re on track. Addiction is a horrible illness, so I wish you well.

My boyfriend is the same, he will only do cocaine if he has drank alcohol. I know he is young, but he was diagnosed when he was at rehab, and he was the youngest there. That’s what I am struggling with the most, he knows the tools and he knows what to do – he is clearly really struggling at the moment and all I wanna do is shake him but there is nothing I can do.

He does want to quit, he hates it and regrets it straight away but its something that gets the better of him unfortunately. He did it before, and I agree about changing his life. He has massively, he got a new job as his last wasn’t good for him, he has made new friends through rehab and going to meetings.

At the Christmas party, no I didn’t – I really did not want him to go and he didn’t want to go either. As he was new to the company he felt obliged to go and felt he would be able to just show his face and leave – but if you’re an addict – that is not going to happen. So I was not shocked that time around, just felt sad and hopeless.

How’re you finding things so far?

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