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Thanks, that’s reassuring. I just feel now though that every relapse is taking more of me away. In a way I feel ashamed that I’m not brave enough to pack my bags, I feel stupid trying to grasp at the future we had planned.
I know it’s crisis point with us now and I know it won’t always be like that but I can’t see a way out of it at the moment.. What’s the first steps back to normality? I can barely look at him now. I know he’s hurting now, but I can’t help myself guilt tripping him and telling him what a useless mess he is. I know it’s not helping but I don’t feel able to try be positive about anything. He just told me that he feels like throwing himself under a bus.
Hi Dan, thanks for your reply. I was reading your comments on different threads, you’re giving hope to a lot of us on here!
Yea, he said that he does want to stop and the CA and counselling is coming from him, I’m not pushing him into it. I believe he wants to stop, I just doubt his ability! Hes been going to ca for 5 weeks but has been back on coke 3 weeks. He was actually sitting at a meeting with coke in his pocket! He said he finds it helpful, but if he did, how could he still be taking coke? I think he struggles with the spiritual aspect of it as he’s not religious. He said he’s going to take it more seriously this time. Although tonight is the first time he’ll be meeting up with his sponsor, so fingers crossed it will help somehow!
Yea, he knows he needs to stop alcohol too and hasn’t drank since January. I’m saying he needs to give up cannabis too, he said he will but I’m not convinced. At the moment, there seems to be no triggers or temptation to take coke.. He’s doing it in secret on his own. I’m terrified of ongoing relapses.. What happens after lockdown? We’re both known as the life and soul of the party and the last ones standing at a party.. How can we ever socialise again?! I’m having trouble accepting that part of my life is gone, I can’t imagine how that feels for him. I don’t think he’ll cope in those situations.
Jenna, my boyfriend is an expert at disguising his addiction.. But the signs I noticed is that he seemed distant, like he would be sitting beside me but no emotion. He stopped going to bed at the same time as me. He couldn’t explain where his money was going, got very stressed and defensive if I asked him.
Thanks everyone for your comments. He is seeing his ca sponsor tonight and has an appointment with a counsellor on Friday. He’s saying all the things like he’s disgusted with himself, hates hurting me and really wants to change. I believe he means what he’s saying now but I can’t get over the lies and betrayal over the past year, then the last 3 weeks. I told him the time that it all came out in January that I would support him through it and if he had a slip, he should tell me. I told him I would leave if he went back taking coke and waited for me to find out, that I would leave him. Now I’m in that situation, I don’t know what to do! We were so happy, travelled the world together and were best friends before this started. Now I don’t know who I’m living with and I can hardly bear to look at him. I really don’t want to leave, I want the life we had planned before this but I don’t know if that’s possible any more. I feel so stupid and cheated thinking about marriage and babies while he’s spending every penny he has and running up debt in coke. I feel so lost!
I’ve really been able to relate to all your comments. My partner is currently trying to get help with his addiction but I feel hopeless at the moment. I’m so hurt by all the lies around his addiction, I don’t know if our relationship can last. Was it possible to save your marriage? All I seem to be reading about is relationships breaking up.. I really want to start a family but I don’t know if I should run before children are introduced to the situation?
Hi,
Thanks to everyone for sharing their stories. But I must admit they are terrifying me. I’ve recently realised that my boyfriend of 4 years is addicted to alcohol and cocaine. He realises this too, and 2 months ago got help from his gp, started AA and CA meetings. But tonight I find he’s been back using cocaine for the past 3 weeks and has already mounted up a pile of debt (I had just helped him repay £2500 cocaine debts). He isn’t violent or insulting when he is high, just distant, where I feel that I am living alone. He isn’t out partying but taking cocaine in secret, often at work.
He said that he can’t control the urge to get cocaine and can’t confide in me as he’s scared I’ll leave him.
I’m at an age where I want to get married and start a family. He says he wants this too but it seems to me cocaine is his only priority. I’m scared that he has went for help and it hasn’t worked. I’m worried that if I stay with him, the lies, deceit and financial problems will destroy any future we could have. I’m worried that down the line it’s inevitable that our life will turn out like the original posters story. I don’t know if I can or where to start to help him. I feel myself turning into a paranoid wreck. I really don’t know if it’s just time for me to run away from it all? Has anyone’s relationship actually recovered from addiction?