Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Hi.
Sorry I took ages to reply.
In the end I think he just truly wanted it to stop. He’d considered suicide and knew he wasn’t the father he wanted to be for his kids and I was talking about selling the house.
Each time I found out he’d lied about taking it I kicked him out and he would stay at his mums or his friends (for weeks at a time). In the end when he finally came back he told me all the things I should look out for to know if he’s taking it. He explained even though he wanted me to know he took it he couldn’t find the words and just lied. I said I understood relapses would happen and if he told me wouldn’t be so bad.. so he would tell me or ‘let me find out’ such as let me see money is missing. I was always angry and upset it had happened but tried to make it clear it was better that he told me than lied. He knew if I kicked him out again he couldn’t/wouldn’t go back to his mums or friends so I think that was a big thing for him to stop and he just really wanted to stop. He found CA unhelpful, didn’t follow the 12 step plan (this is just his personality) he did do hypnotherapy which was another agreement we had in the end when he came back and that did massively help him (over zoom in covid).
Other than his own determination, honesty and possibly the hypnotherapy there’s no answer to how he really done it. Oh and massively avoided the triggers and was open with friends around him so they knew not to tempt him with triggers. I hope some of this is helpful.
Hello..
For some reason I decided today to come onto this forum and speak about my story.
4 or 5 years ago I discovered my boyfriend (of then 10years) was hiding a cocaine addiction. I have been through years of hell. We have 2 young children and his addiction destroyed everything. I would look through these pages for support and hope.
After a very long journey.. many break ups.. much deceit.. times when I was extremely concerned for the person I loved and hated all at the same time. I Can say he is 18 months clean and we have a brilliant relationship and family life.
He tried everything CA, hypnotherapy, we had an agreement that I was able to check his banking app at any time (to check for withdrawals to buy drugs) as he wanted my help.. at the end of the day I think he realised what he was losing and hit rock bottom. There were many relapses along the way.. I learned to know when he was lying and what to look out for so although he tried to lie in the end he couldn’t.
He worked out his triggers (a certain route home from work.. going to the pub) so avoided.
I wanted to give people on here some hope as I was once you. But my goodness I know the hell you are going through. And it has made me paranoid every time he’s out.. but I’m getting there. Please take a look at what you are and have dealt with and give yourself some love and make sure to be taking care of yourself.
Hi Lexi,
I’ve found myself on this forum as I need to speak to someone in my position and you sound like you’re exactly the same as me. I too have been with my partner 12 years and we have 2 little ones. November 2017 I discovered he had a cocaine addiction.. I didn’t even know he took it and drug taking is alien to me it’s never been my scene. Last year we split up about 3 times but I tried my hardest to understand and support him. We got through the year from hell and I swore I would never go back to feeling the way I did last year. The immense stress n some form of depression on me was awful.. anyway things have been brilliant 4 months clean n it’s like I have my partner back we could look forward and be happy as a family.. and then 2 days ago I discover he’s had a relapse. He’s gone back to hating himself for it, being moody and uptight. I’ve told him through anger I want him to leave. Now I’m disappointed and stuck not knowing what to do next.. I don’t have the strength to repeat last year. He loves me and the kids and is an amazing father and my best friend. Do I accept it’s a relapse and support him even though he had many relapses last year or is enough enough 🙁
I too found it extremely hard to talk to friends. He admits when he has money he just spends it on that stuff. I’ve been in charge of his finances and kept his bank card giving it to him when he needs to use it. This week he had it back and this is what’s happened 🙁