[seekingsarah]

Wow…I can relate to that whole heartedly. I’ve been in that kitchen…6am…crying…calling mom…

I’ve fought with this as well….a disease…the times that he did stop cold turkey…nothing…for months…how could he do that but than go back to everyday. Is it just a choice? Is he just living a life he wants to live?

There has been so many moments that he has been high and yelling about needing a support system but he will never go to meetings or rehab it will only make him want to use more. That it’s me who needs to be stronger…help him. So what do I do? Next time he comes home high and admits it. I hug him tell him I love him whatever he needs I will do…i say all the right things…but within hours if not less the depression starts that you speak of. He starts bad mouthing himself and then me. Attacking me for the most recent thing I’ve done wrong sometimes that being as little as not getting a plate clean. It’s truly scary.

When he gets off work I’m going to bring up the drug test. I’m hoping for the best….we shall see. Thank you so much. It’s been nice to talk to you…truly…

[seekingsarah]

Hey Dan! Thanks for your reply. And congrats on your 40 dats! Keep it up! I do want to be with him…more than anything. But how many times am I gonna have to go through broken promises ya know? And Im not just talking Im sorry it won’t happen again this is it this time, Im talking what seems like full honest sincere from the bottom of the heart apologies. They seem so genuine and real. They mean so much. Only for a lot of the times him not even stay clean for 48 hours after “pouring” his heart out. Like it was all just BS. That’s what hurts the most. For the longest I would tell myself despite everything…he can’t help it…but he truly loves me….now…im starting to wonder…

[seekingsarah]

Debc! I have stumbled upon multiple posts by you on others stories…your words are truly inspirational and helpful. Thank you!

[seekingsarah]

Ka123 I just came to this forum, and made my first post today. I hope you find some clarity, advice…whatever you need. Your post struck me when you said he tells you you’re not doing good…or enough…or whatever. Unfortunately…as I too am learning the hard way ( married to cocaine addict for 5 years) addicts are quick to put the blame on someone else. I think it makes them feel a bit better about doing something they know they shouldnt. Everytime my husband uses and then says he did it because of my anger…not cleaning house…not supporting him…etc I will make sure to correct it…hell find something else. Don’t let him tear you down. Being with an addict will take a mental toll. If you have not reached out to his family it might be time to do so.

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