[sew26]

Hi Missx,

I don’t know exactly what you’re going through my partner has been abusing cocaine for the last few years and has never really been in extended recovery.

But I just wanted to say that from my experience you’re doing everything right. Refusing to give him money but cooking and offering a lift if he wants to get help.

I’ve found the YouTube channel Put The Shovel Down to be really helpful.

I’m really sorry you’re going through this, but you’re not alone.

Sending love,

Sx

[sew26]

Hi Ssw

While my situation isn’t exactly the same I completely understand what you are going though. My partner has been abusing cocaine for the last 2 years and using recreationally before that.

I’m so sorry that you’re going through this and cannot imagine doing it with kids, I know exactly the type of behaviour you mention my partner is the same except we both know and often talk about addiction. He’s still a nasty man at times and I try to separate the man I love from the addict even though it’s so hard. For you to put up with that for 3 years you must be so strong.

If he has stayed off it for a few weeks without any help that’s a great sign but what I’ve learned about recovery is it’s much more than just being clean. I would encourage him to seek professional help especially if he is open to it so that he can continue in his recovery without things getting worse.

My only advice to you is make sure you have support wether you stay or leave him. Don’t isolate yourself, I know first hand how lonely it can be to live with an addict.

There are support services you can use as the family member of an addict which may help with your own mental health.

I’ve also found the YouTube channel Put the Shovel down to be a great resource.

Sending love,

Sx

[sew26]

Hi Ambaj,

I’ve been living with the consequences of my partners addiction for over 2 years now. I have tried every angle, love, patience, anger nothing has worked.

But from my own experience I would say that anger has been the worst way to go. Your boyfriend whether he can admit it right now or not will be feeling a lot of guilt & shame. Anger, fighting and nastiness between you will only serve to push him further into himself and feel more of that shame and guilt.

That’s not to say that you should let him away with it. You have to set boundaries for yourself, not him. You cannot control his actions and will drive yourself crazy trying.

You’ve said that he takes in the house and you dont want him to do that. Start there. You can communicate with him that you are not comfortable with him using in your home and asking him not to do it. If he continues to do that you have to decide on what the consequence is asking him to leave would be a good start. You don’t have to tell him what the consequence would be, but try to hold firm on your boundaries.

Life with an addict is very very hard. I truly know what it’s like to love and hate someone at the same time. But I wouldn’t wish that life on anyone else.

Don’t close yourself off from friend and family, find some support, the more you do that the more isolated you will feel and you will become more dependent on him to fill most of your needs.

You are also not responsible for him having no one else. Please take care of yourself first and reach out if I you want to talk

Sending Love,

S x

[sew26]

Hi Navy,

It’s good to know we are not alone, but I also feel there is still such stigma attached to drug abuse it truly limits people from reaching out.

I hope so too, I just feel like it is too late for us. I have become a person I do not recognise and have let the anger overtake me.

I am also trying to stay positive though, I truly believe that we are going through this for a reason, whether we make it as a couple or not. Like you said there as so many people like us going through this and mostly suffering in silence I would love to take what has happened to me, begin to heal and then use it to help others.

Loving and hating someone at the same time is so painful. But I love him and hate the addict, not sure if there is ever a way to truly separate them.

Sending Love,

S x

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