[Sfu100]

<p style=”text-align: left;”>I’m in a similar situation, been with my husband for 19 years. I have two children and also a stepdaughter. I didn’t know that he did coke recreationally for years as it was just a few times a year when he was going out. About 8 years ago I realised that he used coke as he started to do it more and more. Here’s the thing because he has suffered with mental health and also because I was naive I didn’t know where this was heading I didn’t want to cause tension so I turned a blind eye. I didn’t realise the damage it would do to myself and my family. He now has a full blown problem and my youngest daughter has felt the absence of her dad. I’m not talking absence as in never around it’s about him actually being present when he’s there. My son has issues with anxiety and is far more responsible beyond his years than he should be. I see so much more than ever did before. He is incredibly self centred and trust me when I say this I have heard it all… It starts with it’s not a problem I only do it now and then they start trying to hide that they are doing it. When I question him or query wether he has, he’s feeling stressed, or it’s his only chance as he has work for the next 2 days or the last one he had was bad. The money he has spent is eye watering. He has a daughter who is older from a previous relationship who has been living with us and although she doesn’t openly know I’m pretty sure she’s worked it out. She can’t believe the way he behaves and also feels like he doesn’t bother with her or making any effort. My daughter tells me that she hates her dad, her words are when I was little I thought he was great but now I’m older (14) I realise I don’t know him and he doesn’t do anything for me or with me. I have full blown anxiety and the stress has been unreal. I have more or less parented on my own and then he Wade’s in every now and then and wants to know why no one respects him. He’s currently getting help with his addiction and mental health but I can’t say I really think it’s working. He knows he’s hanging by a thread and my loyalty to him is the man he was and can be when not on coke. I want him back and I’m willing to let him try and fix his problem. However if I knew now what I didn’t know back when it wasn’t as much of a problem. We wouldn’t be together today. I battle with myself all the time about what the right thing to do is. I’m not sure where you are in your journey and all the details but if your children are young I would run for the hills and if I had of been a bit more switched on I would of left and said there is no chance we are getting back together until you properly sort yourself out. Your question do they care about you and the kids is that they want to, but the addiction and pull towards coke seems to win hands down. Why they get defensive I can def ans that one it’s because they know they are being shit and you deserve better, they use defense as a mechanism to protect themselves and it’s manipulation so that you back off and avoid tension. I’m not sure if this was helpful at all</p>

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