As a teacher I have been using Zoom during these remote learning times and I have taken to filming myself if I am ever alone in the house…..just to have ‘proof’ that I haven’t done anything. Exactly like you said – just me wandering about the house, watching ‘Friends’, drinking tea, DULL! But I am so exhausted of being accused of doing things, I felt this would help. I never thought he would accuse me of being unfaithful while he was in the shower (for 15 mins) of our small semi detached house!!
I feel like all the joy in my life has been sucked away. I feel so entirely alone more than anything just drained. Him telling my family I have been cheating has been the worst thing ever. I am a private person and I feel like they will never look at me the same again (either through disgust or pity that I am married to a psycho). I don’t feel like I have the strength to go on. I am the only one working right now and I am paying all the bills/mortgage – and I feel, why? Why am I doing this for a man who is so horrible to me? I am a good person and I do not deserve this life. But is is so hard to just walk away.
May I ask how your husband got help? You said it took 6 months? I am a Biology teacher so I understand the effect of drugs on the brain…but having never taken anything stronger than amaretto in my coffee or a WKD-blue (!) I had NO idea cocaine could have such lasting impact. Does this mean he is a heavy user? How much does this stuff even cost? That means he uses our money (money I am earning) on this – It makes me so mad.
We don’t have kids, thankfully although we had been seriously considering adopting. Of course I will not pursue that now. But that makes me sad. I just feel so lost. He doesn’t want to talk to the GP (not that the surgery is open now anyway) and doesn’t see any of this as his problem. I hate that this is my life now.
