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You are not being paranoid: he is having a relapse. In this times, nothing you can do for him, but everything you can do for yourself: keep distance from him (live somewhere else); if you want, text him and say that you will be ready for a chat about the situation once he’s sober; talk to your friends and family about how you feel – if necessary, speak to a professional (GP/Counsellor/ Therapist…).
Once he is out of relapse – which could take anything between a week to several weeks – encourage him to talk about what the trigger was and to also book an appointment with his GP to discuss about it and maybe get onto antidepressants. If he refuses, you need to consider that this probably happen again soon with all the urges and the brain alterations he went through.
Stay strong and think of your well-being first as it is crucial if you want to avoid being damaged by this.
Courage!!
Hi A1988,
Do not limit your help with this because of love. If he wants to change things, he will! But before this happens, he needs to learn humility and admits that his use affects your couple and therefore he needs to do something for your sake and his. He is genuine when he says he will but then his head stops him because he realises he needs to reach out and this is something that addicts of any sort struggle to do because they dealt with their issues and sadness via a lonely path. So the real step for him is to admit he needs to reach out. Regarding your relationship, I would advice you to leave it to him every time he uses and not being part of that world. Put firm boundaries and follow it through: “If you decide to use, please do it in another room and do not come to see me that night.” If he trespass this demand then you leave the house to go to a friend’s or your family’s house. But that means you need to arm yourself for these situations: tell your family and friends so they are aware of how to help you. You and them should go to meetings about cocaine abuse or/and study it online. That would help everyone to deal with the consequences of what the drugs – not your bf – have lead him to behave like. Create a tight support for you as this is the only way you’ll have strength to deal with the consequences of this controlling, self-destructive and devastating drug.
Please, take care of yourself; it is YOUR life.
Hi Wolly! The first stuff I would say is that you need to be thinking of love as something that enrich you and that can make you happy and does most of time. If one of the person is dragging down the other in their fall, then love is being compromised because someone only thinks of themselves – more precisely their addiction in your case. Secondly, think of the baby; you are under constant stress and you don’t want your baby suffering from this and nor you deserve this. Thirdly, you need to make it very clear in your head that substances will capture the brain and if the person remains on them constantly, their will be less and less of their “normal” self their, but their brain will constantly lives for the craving of substances, which leads to face someone who you sometimes don’t recognise, not the person you fell in love with.
I would suggest that you are honest with yourself and start thinking of you first and how you can deal with this for yourself and your baby. I am sure in the process, it will requires you to reach out to family and friends; there is no shame to explain what is going on and believe me that your family and friends will be the first ones to say that you should have said earlier! They will not judge, they just want to know you are safe.
Lastly, you will need to let your partner hit the bottom of his addictions for him to realise that what he is doing is basically living a disastrous life dictated by substances where things are extremely dark. Who wants that? Losing everything sometimes helps for a real wake up call. However, if you see that speaking to him leads to some drastically positive changes, then maybe you can consider doing the recovery journey with him.
But remember, it is your life and the life of who you have in your belly. Please make sure you stay safe and go away to avoid mad cortisol levels and to have company and feel better. You don’t have to go through this alone. Speak up!