[simylou]

Hiya,

Please do not feel like this. You can change whenever you’re ready and it’s never to late.

My partner has been clean a year and if he can do it, you can too.

Well done for taking the first step. You can do this, I promise you. Give yourself a day, then another day and if you fall, it’s not the end of the world, you can start again tomorrow.

I have faith in you.

Sending you all my support.

[simylou]

I know you’re his mom and being a parent is a completely different relationship but the pain is still the same.

How have you coped? I get so worried whenever he’s not with me. It’s almost painful for both of us.

I’m trying all the time to forget about everything and just let him be his own person and enjoy his life but I’m always in fear of him enjoying it too much because like your son, he sometimes doesn’t know when to stop.

I am very lucky he’s been clean for so long, I know exactly what you’re going through but it sounds like you’ve been going through it a lot longer than I have.

To me, leaving him isn’t an option. I love him with all of my heart and I don’t think I’d ever give up on him because he’s such a good person and no one quite understands that “love the person, hate the addiction part” other than myself and people on here.

Thanks again x

[simylou]

Hiya,

I’m sorry to hear about your son? How long has he been clean?

Unfortunately we’re in a generation where most people do drugs and drinking to oblivion is funny and it’s normalised too much.

Before I knew my partner had a problem I use to do cocaine with him most weekends for the first few months of us being together and I’d never touched cocaine in my life. It’s only until I met him and then realised he’d do it during the day and did a lot of it and couldn’t stop doing it is when I knew it was an issue so I stopped all together.

Believe it or not we went for meetings every Tuesday and then every Wednesday he’d relapse. He said they made him feel worse and more tempted and told me that he needed to find his own way. So I had to trust him and that he would do it.

So he deleted social media, gave me his phone to delete and block all drug dealers from his phone and anyone that he associates with drugs. He moved in with me and my family rather than staying home because his dad also has a drinking problem and never helped him other than financially. I would drug test him randomly for a couple of times a week for about 6 months and My boyfriend cut down on drinking and partying massively and now he hardly drinks.

But sometimes when he drinks he drinks too much so I worry and get anxiety because it’s not just the drugs I worry about it’s the aggressive side of him that sometimes came out, he use to runaway and not come home until a day later, he’s called me names and picked arguments for no reason and all of that gives me anxiety.

But now he’s better, I still suffer just from worry. I haven’t spoken to anyone professionally but speaking on here makes me feel a bit better and understand and forgive myself a bit more x

[simylou]

Thank you for responding. I’ve never spoken on one of these forums before and it’s so nice for people to just understand.

I don’t want to be judged but I feel like I’ve become controlling when it comes to him going out and I hate feeling like that. We’re only 25 and I want us to enjoy life but I just feel stressed a lot x

[simylou]

Hiya,

I hope you’re okay.

I just want to say I am 100% with you, here for you, understand you and respect you for recognising the problem.

My partner was an addict but in order for him to get clean I had to take full control over his life for around 4-6 months. It was absolutely horrible, draining, frustrating, heartbreaking and I just didn’t feel like myself as it literally sucked the life out of me trying to get him clean.

He had to remove social media, show me his phone so I could go through his contacts and delete and block the dealers numbers. I asked him to remove and block a friend who was also an addict. I moved him into a different environment, I would randomly drug test him twice a week, I went to AA meetings every Tuesday night with him and would sit in a pub or bar on my own for an hour, we’d talk a lot, call people for help, I went to the doctors with him but ultimately I said to him I would leave and he would never see me again if he didn’t fix this problem and as difficult as it was I had to be strong but so did he.

He’s been clean a year now and we love each other dearly. The trust isn’t there fully and I am really traumatised and looking for help myself but I just wanted to say you can get through this. With or without him. It’s so difficult and I think not many people understand how difficult it is for the partner of an addict.

There is light at the end of the tunnel. I hope this helped x

[Author]

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