[smarker]

I feel like that may be my only option, the last few days have been awful. We’ve hardly spoken and now he’s said I need to accept who he is, and that every now and then he may do it. I’m absolutely gob smacked, he’s gone out from work tonight so no doubt he’ll be on it. What the actual F is going on ????

[smarker]

To make it worse. He’s now sat ignoring me saying how he can’t be arsed to argue with me and that this is why he didn’t tell me because I react like this? I’m sorry but what else does he expect? Literally I think they are deluded. I love him to pieces and I know he loves me, but how many times am I meant to deal with this? The anxiety I’ve had over the last few days have been horrendous, I attend counselling just to try feel better in myself.. How can he do this to me, maybe this is time to walk?

[smarker]

Me again :’(

We’ve had months of being great, literally the best we’ve been. Last weekend I went away with my Mum for one night. I had a horrible feeling about my partner being alone at home. Anyway, he got his hair cut after work and nipped to the pub, he had 2 pints and stayed in for the rest of the night, but I had a feeling a horrible feeling and my gut was telling me something when I got home. I just knew. So for a few days I tried to get it out of him which he denied. And tonight I just lost it and said I know you have. And he has admitted it. I can’t believe it, I actually feel so fucking sick. Why the F would he do this again. Why is it so hard to just say NO I WOULD LOSE EVERYTHING. Broken yet again

[smarker]

Me again :’(

We’ve had months of being great, literally the best we’ve been. Last weekend I went away with my Mum for one night. I had a horrible feeling about my partner being alone at home. Anyway, he got his hair cut after work and nipped to the pub, he had 2 pints and stayed in for the rest of the night, but I had a feeling a horrible feeling and my gut was telling me something when I got home. I just knew. So for a few days I tried to get it out of him which he denied. And tonight I just lost it and said I know you have. And he has admitted it. I can’t believe it, I actually feel so fucking sick. Why the F would he do this again. Why is it so hard to just say NO I WOULD LOSE EVERYTHING. Broken yet again

[smarker]

I know it’s not about me but it feels that way. Especially when he makes promises to me that he won’t do it again? He could have said no, like literally was the end of the night, no need at all. Now all I’m getting is that I’m crazy and overreacting throwing our relationship away over nothing. It’s not the fact he’s done it it’s that he’s let me down, he’s broken his promise and made all this moving into our new house feel like such a waste of time. He should have been strong enough to say no, I’m literally sat next to him? What a kick in the face. I do love him very much and apart from this he is literally a great boyfriend but how many times do you accept this problem? And now major trust issues again? Xx

[smarker]

Thankyou both so much for your kind and strong words. I’m just so massively confused. All the apologies are coming now but I know he can’t mean it. Despite being a really lovely boyfriend he clearly thinks so little of me. It’s been nearly a year since he’s done this so why now? He knew I’d walk away.. Yet he chose that over me. Hurt and let down isn’t the word. Is he still addicted? I don’t understand. But I know I can’t live another day like this

[smarker]

Well all I’ve got is that ‘he was enjoying himself and hasn’t been out for ages, he won’t apologise for having a good time and he’s done nothing wrong’.. What the actual F? I’m so confused by his behaviour it’s unreal.

[smarker]

Thank you so much. Last night was awful. I still can’t get over it, I really did start to trust him again. Now I know he if wants to he will, no matter what. Worse thing is he didn’t buy any. He had some off a guy he met in the pub. Knowing in there? So so let down. There’s no remorse at all. He’s being so horrible to me, saying it was ‘one tiny bit’.. And look how well he’s done & that im overreacting. Am I really? Honestly I feel lost for words

[smarker]

I need to support. As you can see from my previous post my partner and I have been so strong. We have now got own our house and we have been good. However tonight has gone crazy. I could tell from his actions that he had had something. We’ve been out to watch football. I’m devastated at the fact he didn’t tell me. It took me to ask. I’m so disappointed it’s unreal. My hearts broke. I would never of got back into a relationship if he hasn’t of promised so much like he did. I cant actually believe it. I asked him out right and he said yes he did. Long story cut short he’s now said I’m a crazy bitch and I’m mental, I need help for going crazy the way I have. I cannot control how upset I am. I do not think there’s any going forward from this. Addiction really is a lifelong thing, no matter how much you ‘mean to someone’. Currently crying myself to sleep. Please tell me I’ve done the right thing by kicking him out. I cannot be with a liar anymore. He would never of told me unless I saw the clues. So upset. Please help me.

[smarker]

Yep that’s true. It’s hard because we are moving forward and really happy but when I get something in my head I can’t stop. Maybe I need some help for myself.

[smarker]

Hey,

I have been in your situation, it’s awful I thought I was going insane. My boyfriend used to gaslight me too, saying I was crazy and that things I saw wasn’t true. It was mental but I stuck by my word always. I knew I was right and one day after months I got my evidence and confronted him. He admitted to everything and I left, got a one way abroad and told him I was done. That broke me but I needed to get away for myself. I wouldn’t be with someone who took drugs especially behind my back!! Anyway fast forward to now we’re in a great place, he said he would do anything to get me back so he did, he sorted everything including stopping the drugs, cut off friends, off social media etc. He occasionally smokes weed to help him sleep but the cocaine has been out the picture for 6+ months now. He’s a changed man, I have home drug tests if I have any worries and he knows I’ll be gone if it happens again, it took a lot for me to come back but I love him so much and he’s amazing, but I hated him when he was on that crap. All I can say, and advise for you is stay strong, so what’s right for you. Give him the ultimatum, it’s YOUR house and it is not acceptable to have drugs dropped off, you won’t tolerate it. He quits or you leave. Too many people are suffering and it’s not ok. Always here to talk xxx

[smarker]

Update. I did let things bottle up and it all got too much, I asked him to do a drug test. Which he passed. I feel so bad sometimes as I feel like any change I’m on at him questioning things & when I get in that state I could just walk away even though he’s done nothing. I’ve become so paranoid I hate it. He’s doing everything possible to reassure me but it’s still so hard ????

[smarker]

You need to stand up for yourself and tell him straight. You sound like A lovely woman and really don’t deserve this. Maybe if you leave he will sort himself out but with you allowing him back all the time he is doesn’t see no problems with his actions.Xx

[smarker]

Thank you everyone. It’s still really hard even though we are in such a better place. Sometimes he makes comments about it joking around but it makes me so angry. I can’t even have a normal conversation with him about the stuff because I just get so mad then I can’t talk to him. Honestly is anyone the same or am I overreacting

[smarker]

Can’t you go down the legal route? So he doesn’t keep bothering you. Set up some sort of payment plan. If you’ve told him to leave he shouldn’t keep doing what he’s doing, he thinks he can do what he likes by the sounds of it. What’s he like when he turns up? Is he aggressive or just trying to talk? Xx

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