Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Here if you need anything! And you look after yourself too, We got this ???????? Keep focusing on you lovely! treat yourself and be kind to yourself xx
I actually don’t know much about the recovery process so really good to get an Insight, I’m sorry you had to go through that it’s painful and nobody deserves that, but also painful things make us stronger and that’s exactly what your doing so keep going and you will smash it! Writing them down is a great way of putting it out there so it isn’t in your mind going round and round, it’s a great technique and can be used in so many ways, your not going on at all, we’re all helping each other on here and you have helped me loads in the last few days with understanding things, If it makes sense then it will help that’s what I always think, if you get clarity on things you can always do something about it! Yeah the course will be great and give me something to focus on ???????? Keep us all in the loop oh how you are progressing Dan! Cannot wait to hear more of your journey mate
No I haven’t read that one but I definitely will now! Anymore recommendations throw them my way, I have just enrolled in Psychology with open study as I’m fascinated so all this helps! Yeah so many amazing places! Need to stay away from street guys! Ha, just nice to hear someone has been to the dark side and come out the other side bigger and better as when your in the middle of it and find out how bad it gets, you have done so much of the hard work already and seeing so many changes in yourself and everything around it, it’s amazing! And gives hope too!
Hi Hilton,
I hope you are okay, it was me that asked and we have spoken before and stories are pretty identical! Totally shit and being left in the dark, sending you lots of care and support lovely! I’m so glad for this forum I would be totally lost without it! Let me know how you are doing xx
Hiya! I have read that book 3 times!! It’s so good, haha I know which bank you mean I work for a finance broker in st Anne’s square obviously cannot say which but right by Barton arcade! That is so amazing you planning all those lovely things and recovery is going well, he used to say “I need to do more abs treat you” always ended up being me doing it so it’s nice to hear you are doing well and seeing things coming up! I’m going to read that book again!! Think it might answer a few things again as it’s a few years since I have. Thanks again for always giving sound advice!
Hope you are okay laura!!!! Xx
Thank you that makes things clearer, that’s good that your kids always got what they needed and your weren’t in debt as this is what I worry with him, his ex partner does all the providing for his children a long with his mum, he buys the odd thing here and there but generally it’s his mum that pays, he has drug dealers and csa on the case so I guess that shows how bad it is 🙁 he holds down a good job but I worry that could all go too, he has no boundaries or rules in his life he just does whatever he wants, he is clean though like you say Coke can make you not take care of yourself. He just pushes everything away that’s good for him but like you say it’s the pull of that one thing nothing else, he doesn’t communicate well is that a thing too? If something is bothering him he wouldn’t talk about it, he used to say to me “communicate with me” and when I did he gave me a load of promises and then ran, when confronted by this he said he tried to fix it but he didn’t, I have heard so many horror stories of dealers getting people to do things for them if they owe money, his mum is enabling him which I know is so hard to not give money, she is so poorly and he still does this to her, I guess this just shows what it does to mindset and how it impacts others around it all. How is your recovery going? Think I saw on an earlier post your Manchester aren’t you? I work in the city centre 🙂
Thanks so much for answering that, no she isn’t stupid she is supportive and standing by your side, that takes a lot of courage and love for you so I would say she is amazing, you have given me some insight and clarity which is great, I understand the getting worse when not with your family, I never asked my partner to stop but I also didn’t know the extent of how bad the addiction was until he has left, every couple argues so no different from the rest in that one! And we can have tempers that’s for sure, I would say I’m a very patient person but I got pushed a few weeks ago and lost my temper too he chose going to deal over me and fit hurt so much, I said some horrible things which I regret, I just wonder does guilt hit people with addiction, could he understand how this would hurt or would that feeling not come into it? You don’t have to answer this question if you don’t want too but did you ever get into debt? Or have people chasing after you? I know my ex did/does quite a lot, his mums house has been put on watch twice and he has asked me for money twice as he has until 7pm each time to pay or they would have supposedly done something to him, I’m frightened for him, his mum, me. He used to say “I don’t want to put you at risk” I guess I hope he left me with good intentions that he knows I’m a good person and didn’t want me caught up in this, on the other hand I sometimes think was he high on love if that makes sense was it the drugs that made him like me. Sorry for rambling on! Haha
Hi Danman,
I hope you are well 🙂
I have a question for you if that’s okay? You mentioned you had done some things in your past, did you leave a partner ever and keep coming back? I’m just curious what it can do with feelings toward a significant other, I hope that makes sense, did you ever shut feelings off and blank people out of your life that had been good to you? Just want to try and get some sense in things while I feel a bit lost and you have given great advice and really open about things.
Hi Jadeem,
I’m reading your story and so much of it rings true, my now ex left a few weeks back now, he had got himself in such a mess that he now is dealing it but this makes the situation so much worse as they don’t get out of debt, I’m happy that yours is not doing this anymore and is seeking counselling, that’s a good step. I’m completely lost as I want to help him but I know I can’t he has to do it he just casts me aside, he has left twice before and stupidly I take him back because he convinces me I’m the best thing to happen to him but then does like what you say in your post doesn’t speak to me for a couple of days then when he is back like nothing has happened! I thought he was recreational but since the last time I spoke to him 3 weeks ago when he was out dealing it found out he is close to 20k debt! I’m in bits. I hope you are okay as this has such an effect on all the people around them, I cannot talk to family about this and my friends won’t entertain the conversation ever xx
Hey Davetall,
I couldn’t agree with you more, I have gone through this with a partner twice now, he leaves because it seems easier than to fight for the relationship, addiction is cruel and so sad it tears people apart, we always say the good in people because we are good people, hense why we are all in the same situation. Always good to talk to people in the same situation. I hope you are okay and if you need to talk we’re all here mate. X
Hey huni,
I’m so sorry to hear all this, you sound like you have been through hell and back, we all have!! You can build yourself back up, with good friends around you and external support, keep talking to people. He won’t say thank you lovely addiction takes empathy and recognition away it’s awful. You are free to get your life back on track, it won’t feel like it right now it really won’t but do everything for you nobody else ❤️ Keep talking to me as much as you like, Davetall is correct on the comment below it is easier for them to walk away as much as it hurts we cannot control that but we can control what we go through from here. Keep strong huni you got this! Xx
Hey Laura,
I read this last night, it’s so helpful to have people going through exactly the same thing, Danman is great for advice and a different perspective, I have found self love so hard as I love him more and that’s dangerous territory as we cannot do anything, I could scream most days as he is so clever but this has gripped him, the debt is so much and he is now dealing it to try get out of it, I look at my friends that have it figured out and in the earlier post “you don’t half pick them” is a common saying to me from others, but in fact I don’t pick them! They pick me ha, I fall for charm and people with addictive personalities as they have it in abundance, I often read Hilton’s and your story as it helps. I just wish that white stuff didn’t exist as it ruins lives and families, my ex has now in fact lost childhood friends and has pretty much isolated himself bar 2 friends and they do it with him, but his choice mainly is to do it on his own when he gets in from work at 6:30am, I’m pretty sure he has been binging since he walked out and more than likely now not going to work, something I found helpful to watch is you tube videos to get a better understanding and then read self care books along with good people around you. This has effected my work along with mental health, small situations get on top of me now which they never used too. Small steps each day xx
Hi LauraJ
I think a few of us on this particular post are going through this all together, the stories are all pretty much identical, if you knew what you know now a few years ago would you of felt differently? This is what goes round in my head constantly, we love these people and see the good in them as they are in there somewhere but I have read so many other posts where people say rock bottom before they will do anything, I really hope you reply as we can support each other in this! Wish there was a chat facility on here! Have you got support at home with friends and family? X
Hi Hilton,
I hope you are okay too! You sound like you are going through it too, please don’t cry, I have done the same. Do it then look in the mirror and say to yourself that you don’t deserve that treatment. I know how hard it is lovely that’s exactly right you feel totally rejected, mine doesn’t do the contact thing or change in mood he just vanishes, last time he was gone for 2 months with not one single message or phone call, I just find it hard to understand if it’s actually he doesn’t want me or is it the C taking over if you get me, I love this guy and all I want him to do is say to me “I need some help” and admit to me how bad it is as I now feel like he was with me as a meal ticket, I have a good job, lovely home and all the rest of it, I brought things for us as I knew he couldn’t and now he has thrown everything in my face and left! I feel like I meant nothing to him. But what I can say is each day gets a little easier and after a while you know you are better off that’s when you have to keep strong. xx