[smh1987]

Thanks so much for replying, it’s good to have someone to chat with that understands, my friends do the normal which I don’t blame them as I would do the same if the shoe was on the other foot but I love this guy, known him years and years, know what he is capable of but I just don’t understand how he could let this relationship go, yes I need to watch some videos but you know when you are scared to see the truth, how is it going living together but not together lovely? I hope you are okay as that must be so tough! I’m being strong currently haven’t reached out as I know it’s no good you are right they love that and the need for that more than anything else, honestly I’m so lost and scared for him, he has lost so many friends to this and the same could happen to him but doesn’t stop him xxx

[smh1987]

Hi lostgirl88,

I have just been reading your post and it rings so true with what I’m going through, I just wanted to see how you are doing? My now ex partner left me 2 weeks ago on my birthday after letting me down with a lot of false promises, in the end I wasn’t even fussed about anything bar did he actually want to spend any time with me, he was a user 3+ times a week, hiding how bad it was, he didn’t come to see me instead he was out dealing it to try pay off the enormous amount of debt he has to what extent I don’t know, he never replied to my last text and that has been it no contact at all, has yours come back to you? This is the second time he has done this to me and I the same as you am lost, I feel like I have lost my best friend, we had an amazing relationship of mutual respect, trust and love for one another but then he just walked…no explanation, I would love it if we could talk soon if your still on here I really could do with someone to talk too xx

[smh1987]

Hi S1993ks

I just realised I didn’t reply to you, how are you getting on? My partner ran out on me 2 weeks ago after telling me he needed to deal it to get out of debt, I don’t see how this is possible when you have an addiction, I miss him terribly and worry of all the trouble he possibly is in, he let me down on my birthday and gave false promises and I eventually told him what I thought when he preferred to go out dealing in stead of seeing me and he hasn’t been in contact since, I hope you are doing well and things are better for you, did you manage to get any support? X

[smh1987]

Hi Anonlady,

I don’t know if I can help but can lend an ear, my now ex partner is the same but also cocaine is involved, his moods are not too bad but he just cut and runs when times get tough, how are you doing? How bad are his issues? There is a lot of support on here for people going through this x

[smh1987]

I would completely help him if he asked me too, but like I say he hasn’t spoken to me for a few weeks and has cut me off totally, I will be here for him if and when he needs me even if he doesn’t want to be with me I would always support x

[smh1987]

Thank you Dot, yes that all rings very true, and I understand what you mean when you say about if something happens he goes to that every time, thank you for taking the time to explain that to me and like I have said your story is amazing to read and where you are now, unbelievably happy for you. I will step away for now and give him the space he wants and see if it changes his views on things. I think you are right I have possibly fallen into the trap of never outing his behaviour at the risk of losing him if that makes sense, he has never shouted at me or been violent he just vanishes every few months then comes back all sorry and never fully explains the extent of what is going on, I worry for him I really do 🙁 he has 3 children and they adore him

[smh1987]

Thank you so much for the support, he is the same health issues, has to sleep on a certain side due to breathing difficulty on one side, he doesn’t sleep well as also works nights so in strange patterns, I just wish he would talk to me so I could be there to listen, I love the person he is but he keeps so much from me other than bits here or there or if he feels he wants to prove something for praise purposes, he has only ever asked me for money once and I said no but I know his friends and family bail him out but it’s very very large sums of money, when he came back last time and told me a bit he owed so much money he has to pay them £1000 a month out of his wages, I have a lovely home and a great job, I only spend what I can afford but was willing to give him a lovely life which he said he wanted with me, I just don’t understand how he can walk away and give that up, but like you say that will rule his head and heart, I’m scared he is in trouble people chasing him as he said before he left me he had people on his back and didn’t want me at risk but didn’t say that was the reason he left me, he didn’t give any of explanation just ran away and not contacted me. I just want to be there for him as I care probably too much, but also leaving myself wide open for hurt and danger I guess, I haven’t tried to contact him in a few weeks now but nothing x

[smh1987]

Hi Ash2013

Thank you so much for replying, I am so happy to hear of your husbands progress, I am so happy for you also, I am at a total loss, I have tried my very best with my former partner I never told him what to do, I never shouted until he let me down on my birthday with false promises of just spending time with me, he chose the drugs instead, and now he will not speak to me and it’s like he doesn’t care, it has broken my heart we were good and strong he was my right arm but the drugs take his heart and I’m left. I just want to see if it’s a pattern as he left and came back before blamed it on the debt, I never gave him money for drugs but I have supported us financially like food and clothes, I just don’t know what to do, does he actually not want me or is the cocaine doing it x

[smh1987]

Hi Dot,

I have been reading your progress and it’s incredible! I need some advice if possible or just some truth if that’s okay, my now ex partner has left for the second time, he is a daily user and has got himself into a lot of debt, he chose it over me and left me with no explanation..is this common? I want to help him in anyway I can with support but I keep on getting told I can’t help him he has to help himself, I am lost and worried it will get completely out of control. I guess what I am asking is it normal to push someone you say you love away regularly when using and let them feel like it’s something they did or said. I don’t want to turn my back on him but he will not speak to me at all, your story has been great to read and I just want to know if you did similar? Please don’t feel like you have to reply if it is difficult for you. Thank you

[smh1987]

Hi Hollie,

I can relate to you in some way, my now ex partner is using and in fact dealing cocaine 2-3 times a week, we split up 4 months ago then he returned after 2 months saying all the usual things “I’m sorry” “I don’t deserve you” “your too good to me” he admitted he was in a lot of debt with it, his mum bails him out a lot of the time, what I would say and I think a lot of others say in a similar situation is you can’t do it for them, they have to want too for themselves and that can take a very long time, please please don’t let him treat you this way, I’m 34 and if I knew what I know now I probably never would have let him in the first time round and not let him come back a second I feel a fool! Do not let this damage your mental health, cocaine users are master manipulators and very very charming and then on the flip side so damaging! I’m broken as he left me on my birthday after letting me down with false promises, I was 7 months in. My advice would be to leave and see if he actually gets help, I know that sounds awful of me to say like you are abandoning him but I’m not I promise you have to be selfish in these situations and look after number one, I hope one day I feel strong if he tries to come back again. Here if you need to chat x

[smh1987]

Hello, I totally sympathise with your story, I am currently going through exactly the same with my partner and I’m at a total loss 🙁 I love him more than anything but I just don’t know where to start, he is the most loving person but this rules his life, he is in debt up to his eyeballs and just stays in that cycle, have you managed to find any support anywhere?? Sending you lots of support xx

[smh1987]

Hi D,

Thanks so much for your reply, this is the question I ask myself daily, I’m 34 and have worked so hard for the life I live and have a really successful job, he has a great job and maintains this well, he hasn’t had help previously other than doctors help with medication for sleeping and anxiety, yesterday he said he felt the worst for asking his mum…again for help, but then last night got more! There is always something it links too last night was “it’s my last day at work and all the lads will be together after work” or when he is sad he cuts me off and then does it, he then feels guilty…never says sorry but tests the water because he knows he’s done wrong. I am not one of those people that shouts abs screams and tells him what not to do, I can’t because he would do it more I’m sure of it, I want to help him but I don’t know how to bring it up without it possibly getting hostile or him think I’m doing it to back him in a corner if that makes sense, I want him to know he can come to me about anything and I will help where I can but that won’t involve me bailing the dealers out! I have heard of Icarus from reading posts on here, how have you found them? I am so sorry you have and are going through this, I read all the mother posts and it hurts to think a parent has to go through that x

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