[somebloke]

Hi careaboutyou,

So here’s an update!

My wife screwed up big time and drank 1l of vodka in the local park on the way to pick up our son. She was discovered by locals passed out on the pavement with an empty pram. Police were called at the scene. Luckily this was on her way to Nursery so little man was safe, but put on the police record what a desperate situation it is.

I took advice, and decided to leave with my boy. I stayed in a hotel that night, and went to my family for a month immediately after. I have now had her leave the house, and I’ve returned with my boy (after lots of legal wrangling). Social services and CAFCASS are both involved, and I’ve been given the thumbs up that I’m acting in my son’s best interest.

I’m really bucking the trend here. There is gender bias in the system, and it would normally be me who leaves, but this is not fulfilling my duty of care as a father. Nor is it right. She is the one who needs to face consequences and face up to the situation she has created.

I filed for divorce last week, and have been stabilising the home situation for my boy. Now I just need to ensure she doesn’t bankrupt me in the divorce. But one step at a time.

I felt I needed to post an update here as there are many people going through this. It’s bloody hard. I hope to drop further updates with assurance that there is a path forward (especially for the father).

Cheers,

Somebloke

[somebloke]

Thank you! It’s a breath of fresh air to get the perspective of someone who has come out the other side. I was looking back on this forum to an old post I did about my situation. It was in 2019!

I might reach out to IcarusTrust to take this further. You’re right, I need to do things based on evidence and putting my boy first.

Thanks again,

A

[somebloke]

Oh by way, I’ve been looking into attending addiction counselling. Not because I need it, but because I am having to live with someone that is an addict. This is also a way of hopefully leading my wife to get help. Not sure if this is something you’ve looked into.

A

[somebloke]

Hi,

Really sorry to hear your story. It’s very much the same as mine. I have a wife that hides and drinks vodka daily. She’s drunk and aggressive from about 5pm every day of the week, so I feel your pain. The need to protect my 2yo son takes priority, even above myself. It’s not easy for the Dad in these situations as it’s usually us that has to have to leave in a separation!

I’m afraid I don’t have much in the way of advice as I came here for support as well, but from what I do know the disease of addiction fundamentally changes the brain chemistry of the addict. The denial, dishonesty and aggression is overwhelming, and is horrible for those that have to live with them. They are essentially different people to those that we used to know.

Hang in there. Your not alone, and when we look back we’ll know we did the right thing. Feel free to vent on this thread 😉

All the best,

A

[somebloke]

Thanks for taking the time for your kind replies.

Yeah, it’s a tinder box situation. I think the denial is the hardest thing to overcome, as it is wrapped in aggression. It really helps to know your stories, and hear your words of support.

I really good hope your situations stay on the right path.

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