[soph]

Thankyou this makes so much sense, things have got worse since I posted as now ive said its over and to find somewhere he is still on and off drinking and still gropes and stares at me. We have a child together but I’m going to get some help this week as I can’t let my kids go through this, your so right. I’m so glad you got out when you did and at least you knew you did everything you could. Now I’m looking at my life from the outside I can totally see this pattern more and more, I’m literally living in hell atm so hopefully can put things in place this week x

[soph]

I’m glad you have and it’s the right mindset to have, hoping he stops drinking so he doesn’t die rather than hoping it’s so you can get back together as honestly I made this mistake. We split up a few years ago for a year, I took him back because he was hinting at wanting to end his life. I said come back home, we’ll sort it out. Looking back it was me doing the talking. His drinking was worse than ever. I would love him to move out but he refuses to go, has nowhere to go. I thought he had hit rock bottom, really the lowest he can go, quit for a month finally thought we’d be good but no he’s just the same. Thanks, I’ll have a look at that website. Stay strong, your doing so well. I hope he does change so he can be the best version of himself for your baby

[soph]

Thankyou lovely, ye I’m at the drinking part atm where when sober ill talk to him and he seems to understand then when drunk he throws it in my face what I’ve said to him. E.g I’ll say it’s not a normal lifestyle he seems to agree then after the drink he’ll shout so I’m not normal am I then argue about it and say I’m the one who got mental health issues and need sorting out, that I’m nit picking etc honestly this life is not happy. My little one cried last night saying he just wants a life with no shouting so I’m going to yet again message my partner today and tell him he really does have to move out. It’s severely affected both my children. Please get out now before the baby’s born, I promise you you’ll be happy and content and have more control over the way your child’s brought up. Talk to me anytime hope your OK x

[soph]

Thanks to you both to, it can be lonely but at least on here we know what we are all going through

[soph]

Sorry was part of the other message like a joint one to you both, my son says the same hun it’s so sad when he says that. I always say to him just never treat your girlfriend that way, I don’t have to tell the youngest as he says it himself, it’s not the way you treat people

[soph]

Your life is like a mirror of mine, he slept in a separate bedroom when I had our son (6) because I wanted him more than he did. He loves him loads now but I look back at how bad it was back then to. I met him almost 10 years ago, he’s drank alot the past I’d say 4 years, could be more, my mind blanks out memories. I know it’s strange, it’s like something takes hold and as much as I told him it’s over and to go. He just said no and I’ve accepted it, past few days he refers to me now as ‘mate’ or ‘ex’ he don’t call me by my name and thinks its funny. Ye same here eldest says mum i feel bad for you, mum you deserve a good life, I swear to you it’s what he’s said alot. The youngest pulls my partner and tells him if he’s rude or to stop, he’s like an old man none of the shouting phases him. None of the shouting happens as much anymore because I just speak as little as possible when he drinks to avoid confrontation but we live a strange life I think.

[soph]

I know what you mean as I’m stuck in the same situation to

[soph]

Omg crazy how many of us there are, I look around me on holiday and all I think I see is ‘happy families’, goes to show we don’t know what goes on really. Ye I do exactly the same Claire, think about my partners feelings but then I feel bad because I have to think of kids feelings to. The kids are torn if they want him with us or not because like you say there’s the good days

[soph]

That’s a shame he won’t get anymore help. Would you ever consider leaving just to give yourself some head space as it sounds like it’s taking a toll on your health. I know it’s hard even considering it, taken me a few years to get to this point and he’s still here. Mine was alot worse when he was on the wine and cans wow was so bad. He drinks beer and cider but can be just as bad at times if mixed and alot of them. When you think, he’s drinking so much he may get ill again and that’s with you being there or not. I’m so sorry, alcohol is evil and so easy to buy

[soph]

How are you? He lasted just over a week then drank 3 nights in a row whilst constantly groping me, forcing me to kiss him, knowing I don’t want to then me confronting him today because he’s decided not to drink tonight and he’s acting clueless like he didn’t think it’d bothered me and said ok I won’t touch you anymore, so patronising. Ye your right, why I’m living this way I have no idea. Its a miserable life, acting to everyone like everything’s fine. He has no intention of going and with cost of living rising rapidly there’s no way he can afford to be on his own so I have to live like this for the time being by the look of it. Hope your ok x

[soph]

By your heading ‘I deserve better’ It speaks volumes, you know why? Because for you to say that you’ve already realised that you need to leave because you want to be happy and reading your story you don’t sound happy. You’ve tried being a support for years and have stuck out each relapse but the trust has gone and its hard to keep a relationship going without the trust. If it helps, maybe leave and say you are leaving but will still be around to support her when she needs. You never know, it maybe what she needs to stick to quitting as soon as shes on her own then you can slowly rebuild the trust

[soph]

My partners the exact same way and hes been addicted to alcohol I’d say around 6 years and it’s a miserable life of never knowing what tonight will bring, he can either fun or nasty or both in one day. Honestly unless he wants to quit himself and is 100% definite, nothing you say or do will stop. Maybe an ultimatum?

[soph]

I couldn’t just read and not say anything. There’s something we all have in common on these threads, is that we take a huge sense of responsibility for our loved ones who are addicts when we shouldn’t. The guilt eats at us. You are so courageous to finally see its time to take a huge step back and think about yourself as it sounds like your life has been consumed by this with no appreciation. You’ve done so much for your brother not just financially but emotionally, you’ve used so much precious energy. Now it’s time to think about yourself

[soph]

Your so right, its been a nice break with him not drinking the past week because I haven’t had the remarks, shouting and comments, having to stay silent in fear of being picked on. I am now getting the silent treatment though which I expected. I didnt know why we’d put up with it either until I read up on ‘trauma bonding’ and ‘cycle of abuse’ it opened up my eyes after 9 years of it, was worse in the first years and he didnt even drink as much! Dont get me wrong, Ive supported him so many times with his drinking and trying to help but its got to a point now where I know its always a circle but its like I say to his family, if I gave up on him he’d be on the streets.

[soph]

Thankyou, thankfully he’s never been physical x

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