[sparky]

Hi again.

It was late when I replied to your first post and actually re-reading it you need to get some help from a professional group. Whether or not you choose to stay with him, get back together or whatever relationship you decide to keep with him, you need support.

As a recovering addict I also can see that you have been trying so hard to help him and rescue him and in fact that’s often a mistake. You need to look after you and then get some boundaries in place. Of course he has been trying to get you to do this and that. His addiction is in control and you can’t change him. Only he can choose to change but you can change what you do and I guarantee it will help YOU and maybe him.

I don’t know what help you have had but Adfam are just one of many groups that will offer you advice and support and ways that might make all the difference to you.

One of the things I can see that you are doing through being a caring person is actually enabling him and there are ways to stop that and for him to still be in your life if you want that.

Enabling sounds like it’s your fault but it’s what we all naturally do for someone we care about. So to learn how to stop it, you need help for you. It sounds odd for an addict to be telling you that doesn’t it? Yes he needs help but he needs to seek it.

I bet you if you get some help, put some boundaries in place and get some help for you then your life will improve.

I’m not an expert so please reach out to someone who is.

[sparky]

As a recovering addict who has a supportive partner I thank every day that she is still by my side. I am unique in so far as I seem to be able to hold back from sliding into total chaos so the damage I do is less. I’ve still lied and been a jerk like all addicts are but I suppose there is enough of good in me to keep her with me.

I am working on my issues. I am getting help and I want to change.

All I can say to you is that you gave it your best and you are not to blame for him not stopping.

You are to be admired for trying so hard.

Also if you can find a little forgiveness in your heart for he will be hurting so much. Addiction is the cruelest of all mental illnesses. The drugs ease your pain for a bit but then create even more than before. Dragging you down until there is nothing left of you.

I hope I have found the stop button. I am sorry your husband didn’t, for both of you.

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