[steff07116]

Wow this is sad. Also , I feel this deeply it’s similar to my situation , but before I dive into my story I want to ask you how were you able to forgive him having sex with 7 women ? I’m having a hard time forgiving mine and he had penetration with two women and 40 nuru massages with happy endings( hand jobs). I have major ptsd & I’m on the verge of leaving this guy because it’s too much. I think when a person cheats whether addict or not it’s more than the drug. It’s them wanting to be with other women. I’ll let you know about my story below:

so I found this thread today and I been needing help. My boyfriend was an addict for 4 years we been dating for 3 years and had our daughter almost in the first year of dating , during this time I didn’t know he was using I only found out about the using last year in February 2022 , I was crushed and didn’t know what to feel . I had a mental breakdown and at one point wanted to just end my life because it was too much to bare. I found out he has cheated on me with two women from the pool hall and he said he was sorry that he regretted it but I couldn’t believe it . I still can’t. He was hanging out with them 4 days before it happened so to me that’s pre-planned. I can’t believe that it was just the drug that was taken over him to do such a thing. He said he only slept with one once and the other twice but it’s strange to me. Also, he was going to massage happy ending places getting nurus which is pretty disgusting and he was doing that for a full year during that year I wasn’t able to work because I was with my daughter and he was working paying the bills & it got so bad he burnt through 24,000 in a year on cocaine and massage places . He was using every day and would go through one bag of $100 a day . It got so bad that he started asking me to help pay rent and I was so clueless this whole time that he was an addict and so I had money saved and helped pay Rent on two occasions. We barely had enough food in the fridge and I still didn’t get why he didn’t want to come home why he was out all day and would only come occasionally. I was pregnant while this was happening I thought maybe he is going through a lot because he had just lost a house he had because he couldn’t afford the payments. His family didn’t like me and they were giving him pressure about leaving me. So I thought maybe he is dealing with it by being away but he would always drink everyday so I thought that was weird . So when I found out about the cocaine it was because he had bags of it hidden in the apartment. I confronted him and he came clean that he was using said he would stop he stoped for 3 days and went back to it. I didn’t know about the cheating yet. Then a month later I didn’t feel right my intuition was telling me there was more so I asked for his bank account info and there was all the charges from the massage places. Pretty disgusting I also told him that I had a friend who was searching through his phone and that’s when he came clean about the cheating with the girls at the pool hall plus I saw he had purchased a hotel room one night & I remember that night because he didn’t come home & he turned off his cell phone. After I found that out I didn’t know what to do I love him so I decided to give him a chance he went to rehab but he went because he was scared to lose me yet I knew it wouldn’t work if he didn’t go for himself sure enough he came out and about three weeks later he went to pick up cocaine. I was about done with him at that point yet I felt like my daughter deserved to be around his dad if he was capable of getting sober. I think he hit rock bottom when he no longer had any money and I wasn’t going to give him any. He changed he has been sober for almost a year in June he will be a year.
he changed he become really supportive towards me and his daughter he comes home everyday but I struggle with the cheating , I struggle with knowing that other women touched him & he touched them . It breaks my heart and I don’t buy it that it was just the drugs doing that ? I don’t know its hard believe. I feel I have ptsd from everything the drug addiction, the cheating, the lies , and man it’s so hard to believe him even if he changed has anyone gone through this? I just feel like I’m alone. Maybe I just need to leave. I don’t know , I’m not even in the financial situation to leave. I feel stuck. I don’t have family either that I could stay with so I really feel alone.

[steff07116]

Hi, if only.
Reading your story makes me sad. I feel that , that’s really bad. It seems you been barely surviving and once you get through something you got another thing to worry about. 22 years is a long time , his body probably needs it to just be normal by this time.

As sad as this sounds and it will sound horrible but I would have much preferred to have been with an addict who didn’t cheat.

You are right that he is choosing doing cocaine over you every single time he uses. I’m sure in his eyes he things it’s just a way to survive. His mind no longer is able to make decisions from all the years of cocaine abuse. I feel for you I really do.  I couldn’t imagine being in your position. You are strong person!
<p style=”text-align: left;”>Yes , we have spoken about it but honestly he has so many versions of what happened that I can’t trust what he says anymore. One minute he is saying he did this and this is why and the next he is saying something different and by the end of it , he says it’s a blurr to me but then he says I can remember what I did. To me that’s not someone who is ever going to take responsibility for what they did. He says he cheated because they made him feel good so after the drugs that part doesn’t go away, any person can say something to him and he would just run off to cheat. To me I feel that you can’t repair that? Also , he says with the massages that he liked them and the variety of the women he got so to me that is also a sign that it can happen he can go into those massage places anytime. I think being cheated on is something you can’t forgive it’s different than having someone be an addict. Drugs don’t make someone cheat and your husband is proof of that , I just feel stuck right now and I have also isolated from family and friends. I feel unhappy with this life. He is a constant reminder of why I can’t move forward. I feel I’m on the verge of just leaving this man.

</p>
thank you for replying to me. I hope your husband does become sober for you. I hope he finds it in himself to do so before it is too late. Wishing you happiness.

[steff07116]

Hi guys ,

so I found this thread today and I been needing help. My boyfriend was an addict for 4 years we been dating for 3 years and had our daughter almost in the first year of dating , during this time I didn’t know he was using I only found out about the using last year in February 2022 , I was crushed and didn’t know what to feel . I had a mental breakdown and at one point wanted to just end my life because it was too much to bare. I found out he has cheated on me with two women from the pool hall and he said he was sorry that he regretted it but I couldn’t believe it . I still can’t. He was hanging out with them 4 days before it happened so to me that’s pre-planned. I can’t believe that it was just the drug that was taken over him to do such a thing. He said he only slept with one once and the other twice but it’s strange to me. Also, he was going to massage happy ending places getting nurus which is pretty disgusting and he was doing that for a full year during that year I wasn’t able to work because I was with my daughter and he was working paying the bills & it got so bad he burnt through 24,000 in a year on cocaine and massage places . He was using every day and would go through one bag of $100 a day . It got so bad that he started asking me to help pay rent and I was so clueless this whole time that he was an addict and so I had money saved and helped pay Rent on two occasions. We barely had enough food in the fridge and I still didn’t get why he didn’t want to come home why he was out all day and would only come occasionally. I was pregnant while this was happening I thought maybe he is going through a lot because  he had just lost a house he had because he couldn’t afford the payments. His family didn’t like me and they were giving him pressure about leaving me. So I thought maybe he is dealing with it by being away but he would always drink everyday so I thought that was weird . So when I found out about the cocaine it was because he had bags of it hidden in the apartment. I confronted him and he came clean that he was using said he would stop he stoped for 3 days and went back to it. I didn’t know about the cheating yet. Then a month later I didn’t feel right my intuition was telling me there was more so I asked for his bank account info and there was all the charges from the massage places. Pretty disgusting  I also told him that I had a friend who was searching through his phone and that’s when he came clean about the cheating with the girls at the pool hall plus I saw he had  purchased a hotel room one night & I remember that night because he didn’t come home & he turned off his cell phone.  After I found that out I didn’t know what to do I love him so I decided to give him a chance he went to rehab but he went because he was scared to lose me yet I knew it wouldn’t work if he didn’t go for himself sure enough he came out and about three weeks later he went to pick up cocaine. I was about done with him at that point yet I felt like my daughter deserved to be around his dad if he was capable of getting sober. I think he hit rock bottom when he no longer had any money and I wasn’t going to give him any. He changed he has been sober for almost a year in June he will be a year.
he changed he become really supportive towards me and his daughter he comes home everyday but I struggle with the cheating , I struggle with knowing that other women touched him & he touched them .  It breaks my heart and I don’t buy it that it was just the drugs doing that ? I don’t know its hard believe. I feel I have ptsd from everything the drug addiction, the cheating, the lies , and man it’s so hard to believe him even if he changed has anyone gone through this? I just feel like I’m alone. Maybe I just need to leave. I don’t know , I’m not even in the financial situation to leave. I feel stuck. I don’t have family either that I could stay with so I really feel alone.

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