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Hey. Just some questions, as I’m in a similar boat and met someone new, but can’t help still love my addicted ex. Of course her life has got so much better since I’ve left her, as same I was the problem.
how are you finding being with someone else? I struggle with how calm it is and then wonder if I actually feel anything for this person. I feel a bit numb still I guess, just wondered how it was for you
i also noticed you said you’ve e entered sever depression due to his addiction. I also did and felt I couldn’t trust my own decisions or thoughts due to being convinced what I was think f was so wrong (when actually I was mainly right)
how has it been for you? Xx
Therapy for me has been a god send, it has helped remind me I’m not crazy ( as I was made out to be) good luck on your journey and whichever path you choose to take xx
<p style=”text-align: right;”>Yes for a big part of it, I couldn’t let go of the lies and the betrayal and I was not only destroying myself, but her and our relationship as I didn’t believe a single word she would tell me. I still wouldn’t get the whole truth about things and the lies would still continue so even if I did forgive one thing the next one came along very quickly and it all built up and got too much. She eventually licked cocaine off a Porto loo floor and I lost a lot of love I had for her, but it is still very painful to this day as I wish things could be so different. I know I still haven’t managed to forgive as the times I’ve spoken to her, I’m filled with anger and sadness and still bring it up. I’m working with my therapist to let go of the anger and work towards forgiveness for myself. I hear you with the hardest decision ever having to make as it has also been mine, I’m re learning to trust myself again but it’s taking a long time. I would suggest talking through with someone to help you make the right decision for you. Always here to talk xx</p>
I’m so glad I’ve come across your post, my situation is a little different, I left my addicted ex a few months back and I am still struggling to forgive or let go, even if it’s for myself. I am sure there are people on here who have been able to forgive, but I can only imagine with a great deal of time and shown changed behaviour. Thank you for reminding me I’m not alone to feel like it’s a struggle to forgive though. Have you maybe considered your own recovering/healing by attending family support groups or a counsellor? Sending all my thoughts to you during this time
The worry is constant isn’t it 🙁 it’s a horrible thing to hold on your shoulders all the time
I can understand your feeling of being fed up. The best advice I can offer is not to focus on Why he does it to himself and until he figures that out you will never know, but to focus on you, how you’re feeling f and how it all makes you feel. What can you do for yourself right now to help yourself feel better. Thinking of you in this hard time and rest assured you’re not alone, use this to vent if you need to or whatever you need.
I’m here to just listen if that’s what you need
Hey…I’m here if you’d like to talk?
I’m so glad I came across this response, as this is how I’m feeling now. My now ex as of recent didn’t really care that she was hurting me, and now we’ve split up she seems to even care less about anything she has done, so cold towards me and like I’m an inconvenience to her and I’ve taken it so personally. I think this hurts more than the shock of finding out she was using crack! So this has really helped me put some perspective into it, thank you so much
It’s such a shame, as there is not enough services out there for help when they are ready, takes so long for help that their minds can be disheartened so quickly and turn to what they know! My ex said if she didn’t stop it would be life or death, she knows how serious it is but the cravings take over all that. It’s so sad for them but also so sad for us as we see or know who they are underneath it
I agree with you, it kills the trust so much. Not that it would make anything easier to have to be in a relationship with an addict but if they were honest and up front about it, the trust would still be there and If they were to become clean then there could be hope. But it’s not that way unfortunately.
Thankfully my ex partner was never verbally abusive calling me names, but would definitely start an argument if I bought up how things were making me feel, that argument that she turned it into then “allowed” her to storm off and use, and it would be my fault as to why she left! The blame is very easily reversed unfortunately.
There is no amount of love we can show
Or give them to make them give up or get on the road of recovery unless they are truly ready!
When it turned to crack, it got horrendous, the lies, the arguments, the secretiveness, not turning up, going off places all the time, I mean this was all around with coke, but when it turned to crack, all this ramped up drastically.
Hey, firstly sorry you are going through this. I can only speak from experience, attending family groups and reading, there is nothing you can do to help him get better. Showing more or less commitment to a relationship won’t change anything as the addiction is in him and only he can change that.
Don’t know if you’ve ever heard of the 3 c’s for people affected by a loved ones addiction, but it has helped me lots. You didn’t cause it, you can’t cure it and you can’t control it. It’s so easy to take blame or feel we aren’t doing enough, I’ve been there, but honestly there is nothing you can do apart from if you decide to stay in the relationship be supportive but always put yourself first x
I’m so sorry for what you are going through, I’ve had the fingers pointed at me for being controlling…when all along I just wanted a better life for her and now they are the ones locking her in the house for five days to help her!!! It is never our faults, it’s their choices and their path they choose to walk down. I also have had to protect my child and put up boundaries that I stood by no matter what everyone around her thought of them including herself. It’s been hard as I do care what people think when I shouldn’t.
Talk away this is what this forum is for! For me I will forever be greatful for this forum as it helped me realise I wasn’t the only one goi g through it and everyone’s stories are so similar, what they’re made to feel, guilt, blame, pain. This has helped me realise I wasn’t crazy when all along I was made to feel I was xx
That is incredible! Wishing you all the best that this continues xx