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Huge relief! What bravery. Keep at it. YOU are more than worth it. You are loved. You have support. People care about you and your wellbeing, don’t forget.
Sickworried,
From what I understand, coke exacerbates paranoia and continues to till it (coke stops), then there’s the counselling! What are the chances of this happening and if so, committing (to both)? The havoc and abuse – unimaginable to me. I’m concerned about you. 20 years of waste if you ‘end’ it or 20 more years if you don’t? I read Robb’s and Dot’s response. YES. Get help ASAP. Given the circumstances you’ve detailed, if this ‘sits’, I don’t see improvement. I don’t like where this may be headed.
I’ve experienced isolation, living with an addict – it exacerbated the ‘mixed bag’. I haven’t experienced physical abuse or threats of. Found I was second guessing myself though. Dispirited and resigned, thinking ‘this is it’. Again, I can only imagine walking in your shoes. COVID19 limits the branches of help but they are there.
Phone help lines can provide a list of medicos, therapists etc. Many are free of charge. There are other forums out there too like Adfam, to get it out. I joined Adfam today. Thank you Robb! Any key words will lead to a link formed for spouses/families of addicts. You’ll find something that suits you. There’ll be a range for you.
No doubt about it, addiction becomes a family disease and a progressive one at that. It can become a trap for all concerned. The professionals truly can provide so much assistance – facts and practical information, all with care and understanding. You’re not alone Sickworried.
Best wishes to you from Oz.
StraightUp.
Robb,
Concerning what one said to you, this can’t be a life anyone would want. I don’t see how this could be healthy for you or your loved one. That’s ‘easy’ for me to say given my circumstances. I was shocked on reading your 8 year marathon. The ‘price’ – unfathomable to me and all the more difficult seeing this is your sweat heart.
In some stances, the evolving normalities of living with my alcoholic sister have become a trap of sorts. I look back and see I slipped into habbits (dealing with her) and unfavourably so for her AND me, good as my intentions were, worried etc I was. It will be a lifetime comittment striving to deal with this more ‘effectively’. I appreciate keeping silent. I think I last expressed my feelings etc to my sister a month ago. It’s all been said each way. We’ve heard it all.
No one ‘makes’ anyone do or feel anything. I feel pissed off with my sister at times. Resentful, infuriated too. She doesn’t ‘make’ me feel or respond this way, nor do I ‘make’ her drink. She didn’t choose alcoholism. I didn’t choose to live with it. She chose to stop her meds. I chose counselling, whatever I could do for myself.
I too have paid a price. I have Epstein Barr and Osteoarthritis. This flared up late last year. It was improving then nose dived during my sister’s worse Bipolar1 fuelled alcohol relapse. Now, I’m house-bound. Worst ever. Coincidence? Surely not. Did she ‘make’ me sick? No. I don’t blame her, as resentful as I feel fom time to time. I’m working through the list to improve my health. That’s my ‘job’. Feels futile but I must persevere.
Hope my response doesn’t read as ‘victim’. My entention is to highlight how my health was/is affected living with my alcoholic sister, how I’ll need to get a grip on my anxiety. Over the years, I’ve been thinking how this, my perceprions and dealings has affected my relationship with myself. That’s something I can resolve. After 7 years – fractured with my sister…..
I’ve had ‘666’ times (unrelated to my sister’s alcoholism). We all have. What became apparent to me was that I could physically and psychologically separate myself from these assorted situations. My health wose weren’t inflamed with the unrelated ‘666’ and like many, I’ve quite a list. Bottom line: I put myself second and not surprisingly, my self designated back-seating became a hindrance to me. I suffered.
I was the classic enabler. I meant well, would do anything to help, near did. In the end, I realised my efforts didn’t help nor would they (maybe for moments but that was the extent). Have long been a carer and protector. For others. Me – not so much ,or DID. It took a few years. Now, I’m trying to keep myself front row centre, the stuff I’d previously ‘done’ for a loved one.
This is a life I choose. I always had that option. I just didn’t know I was quite worth it. My efforts didn’t help others and in the process, neglected my needs. I’ve decided to clean up my own. From time to time, I say to myself, “Would I expect XYZ of another? Would I plead, nudge, guilt another to do so? Hell no!” Seems to do something for me. You’re still not alone Robb. Psychs can help. Whatever helps. Whatever works for YOU.
StraightUp.