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Jo you need to talk to people. You must feel so alone with an 8 week old baby and keeping it together with your partner. Contact the Icarus Trust and find support charities near you with people who understand the bad place your head can get into…. Never mind tainting the way others see him, think what do you need… you are not alone and believing that is so valuable….I cannot envisage how you are keeping
strong for your baby and dealing with this. It isn’t fair. Go on the internet, ask Icarus find those life lines… Best of luck
Yes this story is so familiar, especially when they look at you as if you are the one with the problem. It is selfish, and it is so emotionally draining and disempowering. Your only crime is you want the real person – the person with no alcohol in their blood streams, that’s who you fell in love with. Instead its like living with a Jekyll and Hyde – and you can never be absolutely sure who you are going to wake up with or is going to walk through the door.
Take comfort that all your emotions are real and justified, and you don’t need to make excuses for them. You are only human.
Do seek out support, simply knowing you are not alone is so valuable.
A very sad and difficult situation, and any of us who live with a addict would say that their mental health is the worse for it.. Life can be tough enough, and you have had to deal with tremendous emotional trauma, but living under the dark cloud of mistrust further destroys the solid foundation we all need to cling to, it is so destabilizing. As suggested above, reach out, you are not alone (and believe me it is a comfort to learn that its not all in your head). Get the support you deserve.
AmeliaJane I can completely empathise with your situation. My children are now 21 and 23, but if I am honest they bear the scares of witnessing a parent detached by drink. My view was keeping the family together was paramount,, but on reflection I am not sure it was. My daughter would write letters to her dad telling him how scared she was of his drinking and craving a relationship with him. He did not even acknowledge it. She is now going to counselling as she has a real trust problem with boys and does not feel she is worthy – and she is gorgeous inside and out! It breaks my heart. So to be honest if your relationship has broken down as you say, sleeping separately, what message might that send to the children?. I feel I was too tolerate of his unacceptable behaviour, and it progressed and then affected his whole personality, changing him for affable to angry and manipulative. Perhaps inadvertently I created an environment that enabled him to continue pretending to the outside world he had it together. Yes it is an illness, but yes it is so selfish and destructive. If I had my time again, although I love/d him I think we should of separated. I do hope you are getting some support, because it can get inside your head and is emotionally exhausting, second guessing his next move. I survived through talking to good friends, mindfulness and counselling. I spent so much time worrying about him, stopping the boat from rocking for the children, keeping things calm. I sense you must do that too. Dig deep you are strong, but think that maybe You deserve better.