[tinkerbell16]

Yes that is the key to stay strong I have to keep reminding myself of all the downs and why it has came to this stay strong and look after yourself don’t let him ruin you anymore

[tinkerbell16]

Hi Beth I’m ok still having up and down days he has been away 2 weeks but still torturing me to make things work and it’s just making things harder promising the world , Aww gosh what a nightmare that is an awful thing to do to you and not fair , did your ex say that he would pay it back I know your scared it may worsen things but what are you suppose to do you will end up paying for it or damage your credit ,are you close with his family maybe go to them first and if it dosent work you have no option but to file a legal case

[tinkerbell16]

Yes I’m ok thankfully my son was asleep never heard anything he drove off as soon as he done it , I was just scared had about 1 hour sleep that night . After everything he that messed up he asking me to meet up to sort things out I feel sorry for him but I am drained he has not left me alone since I asked him to go week and a half ago but yes they do need to hit rock bottom it’s the only way , must be so hard you having to stay with him at the minute Untill you move but keep staying strong , it’s how their minds work at the minute he will be thinking of himself at the minute he will realise when you go the reality maybe not straight away but in time hopefully or His mind is thinking that you won’t go through with it but you need to and stay strong , I know how you feel iv lost all confidence and I don’t know who I am either but we will get it back in time , it’s very fraustrating they don’t want to help themselves hopefully in time they do , yes be around those who love you and appreciate you hope you have a lovely weekend keep me updated how you are getting on

[tinkerbell16]

Hi sorry only replying have had rough week so glad you have decided to take the step it’s the hardest part and once you have done it things will get better you will get stronger in yourself I promise you need to do this for yourself and your daughter and for him , it’s going to be hard and for your daughter but I promise she will adjust quickly to it and I hope he sorts himself out but you need to take this step right now or it will continue it’s too make things better if you don’t they will never get better, getting your own place is scary now but it will make you stronger and happier , my partner has left but it’s actually worrying how much the coke has ruined him he came to my house the other night and kicked the door down calling me everything because I ended it and how iv left him with no where to go and the worst is he still torturing me to make things right then next minute nasty messages I can’t go back he really needs help I feel guilt as I’m scared if he does anything to himself but the split personality and different moods is worrying He is mentally breaking my head but I have to stay strong

[tinkerbell16]

Hi just checking how your doing

[tinkerbell16]

No it wasn’t normal and that’s what we keep needing to remind ourselves of that life has just changed right now it’s not our normal but it’s all for a better life

[tinkerbell16]

I’m at work too trying to keep busy but yes when you get a minute it hits you , I know how your feeling I’m heartbroken too it’s just the process to go through we will have up and down days , great that’s what you need good people around you and keep distracted hope you have a nice night things will get easier , Saturday night was hard but really when I think about it he ended up on the coke anyway what are we missing really nothing but constant heartache

[tinkerbell16]

Hi Beth thanks I’m ok today is to be honest my worst day for some reason feeling sad about everything , how are you doing ?thats good ???? I done the same went and stayed at my sisters took my mind off everything

[tinkerbell16]

Aww I completely know how you are feeling I’m going through this today even though he has left he promising the world and honestly it’s been a struggle making me feel bad doing what iv done , look feels crazy Iv come on here asking advice on a situation iv already been in and I should know better I guess it’s just comfort in knowing other people going through same situations but before this partner my ex partner of 13 years is who I have my 6 year old boy too but I have been here before my sons father mentally and physically abused me he also had a drug and gambling problem he was the nicest person over time he broke me down I was 6 stone at one point I tried and tried I was going to leave him Untill I fell pregnant things were ok 3 months after having my son drugs went to his head he gambled all the time accused me of cheating I would of loved to know where I even got the time to do that my son slept for 2 hours a night I was exhausted doing everything myself then he hit me , that moment for mine and my sons sake I had to go I moved in with my parents for few months his father tortured me everyday apologies how sorry he was promising the world at that point I almost went back I had a house lined up ready to sign contract once he found out he tried his best to talk me out of it I decided to take the house and it was the best thing I ever did his father was so angry but over time he wanted to make things work I thought he changed a year later down the line he turned back to the way he was and he had to go but at least I had my own house, iv came to realise they will never change whether it be a month or a year , how bad is his drug problem , it’s hard to stay strong when they do this to you but you need to think of all the bad things and why you are wanting to leave it’s scary but whatever situation you will be fine and it is literally taking that first step once you have taken it I promise you will start feeling better about life and living it your way , it’s good he has good relationship with your daughter it was heartbreaking for me to do this to my son I felt a bad mother it was hard for a while but in the long run it was better for my son and his father as he has spent more quality time with him than he ever did before

[tinkerbell16]

Hi sorry to hear what you also have been going through , this was the first I used any forums wish I had of long time ago it really does give you hope and comfort when others are going through the same thing, brilliant for you to get your own place it will give you and your daughter a new start and also a focus for you to have the house the way you want it, totally understand the Jekyll and hide personalities it gets exhausting and walking on egg shells you seem very positive and strong and yes it is for the best whether we see it or not what age is your daughter , how did your ex take it

[tinkerbell16]

I know feeling awful but as we said take each day as it comes , yes I will try that too that’s what we need to get happiness back and build confidence that’s been taken away time to think of ourselves and fix ourselves instead of trying to help someone that may never be helped Thankyou so much it helps knowing others are in same situation

[tinkerbell16]

So finally managed to get him to go absoloutly heartbroken worst thing iv had to do even after the way he has treated me I feel like a bad bitch 3 days of him apologising trying to hug me making me dinner to make up iv had to be as strong as I could because I now once things are ok again we will be back to square one , I asked him to go he finally did but all he said was how dare I do that to him with way he feeling but iv done it for us and hopefully he will sort himself out and maybe he won’t we will have to see

[tinkerbell16]

I know it’s hard sometimes you need to be away from it to realise you deserve better, yes and your right they do truly need to loose everything to realise because when someone there taking it constantly being there for them they won’t realise , he hasn’t left yet I asked him to 4 days ago still asking him to go and he keeps saying he will go tommorrow and he still dosent then keeps on my back about how he won’t touch it again which is a lie I don’t know how to get him to go it’s wearing me down to point il give in and I don’t want to how did you end up leaving your partner did yous live separately

[tinkerbell16]

We all get blinded by people we love more shame on him for taking money off you for his addiction and in time he will be the one feeling guilt , I was blinded now my eyes are open guess I’m just soft hearted he lost his mother at a young age which will always effect him he turned to drugs I thought he was out of that and I was stupid not to realise how bad it was and that I could help he has kids to a previous relationship the mother hasn’t let him see them in a year she is bitter that he moved on maybe more to it I don’t know so that’s another excuse as to using drugs and why he angry and why he needs me and why he says why am I doing this to him what he is going through never mind what he has put me through iv been there solid for year and half for him worshiped the ground he walked on yes he was good to me but also very hard on me any time I needed him especially with the way I was left after first abusive relationship to my sons father I needed someone there for me yet I had to pick myself up my son and him yet he will never see this. I’m trying to be strong I did ask him to leave 4 days ago it’s my house I have to do this I know this but he making it harder as if it’s not hard enough dismissing me asking him to go begging me trying to do things in house he won’t go and respect what I’m asking him to do , his family have all gave up on him and now I see why x

[tinkerbell16]

Oh my goodness that’s a lot he has took off you , where’s yous married have any children? So my previous long term partner gambled all his money and also for cannibis I had child to him he was abusive I had to walk away then and you do feel guilt especially the way they make you feel and that you are supposed to be the one to help them when you spend all your time helping them but it comes to a point they destroy you because if you don’t take the action to walk away nothing will change and you keep going round in circles sometimes people can’t be helped you have done your all and believe me iv been here before can’t believe I’m in same situation with another partner and I know what I need to do but I feel guilt if he does something to himself because he has no one and I mean no one , I have been here before iv just not had to deal with someone who is a cocaine addict , it’s hard what you are going through you have took the first step and that is the hardest thing you have had to do but you have done it for your own well being and his if he can’t see this now he will in time hopeing that he sorts himself out the best thing you can do is take each day as it comes each day will get better and brighter work on yourself get you back to who you are get a hobby anything and focus on that and don’t let other peoples problems destroy you as a person no one deserves that don’t feel regret you are doing this to help him look at what he has done to you whilst you helped it’s time he helps himself x

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