[Trace35]

Omg I can’t believe there is so many of us going through this. My hearts broken so badly im lost. For about 8 months I kept saying to my fiance somethings wrong I feel it and it’s driving me mad you ent the same and I feel so alone I got all the abuse it’s in your head you need help your paranoid and insecure. He denied anything I even said it feels like your having affair or something there is something going on. Later home from work rather go shop without me sat up later at night when he’s up for 5 at work he snappy and moody and less affectionate unless he wanted sex I felt used and so low I still do. I caught him out because his dealer found my brothers on FB and told them everything he owed nearly 3 grand etc he’d been dealing and taking it. I just lost my mum 2 weeks prior to this I was and still a mess as it was only June. And having to deal with all that and now him was killing me. We just moved different cities n im alone all the time with our kids I need his support. His body here but he isn’t I don’t know who he is anymore I don’t like him but love him so much. He said he would stop end of June. Since I have found coke spoon and tubes money also he started smoking vapes to doesn’t smoke anything and I found them he said he’s stressed and likes the flavor he has one every week but tells me he has no money left he’s lyin about money I asked him to do a drug test he said I shouldn’t have to prove myself to u I said I should have to feel this way and u won’t leave so stop being an emotional bully how can I trust you if ur actions don’t match your words. Last night he was in garden with dog he vapes out there because I hate it I don’t want to see that. And I seen him sniff his finger and wipe his nose as he slightly turned towards window to look he didn’t see me walking past as was dark. Ihavent said anything yet he’s asleep. I feel sick im sick to death of feeling or made to feel it’s in my head I feel so alone and broken I can’t even grieve properly.

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