[triedsohard]

Hi thelostone
I am new on here but have followed your thread .. wow .. how i could relate to so much you said. I would shout outside drug dens, approach dealers , putting myself at risk. Follow him . Watch his flat. But also look after his many health problem. Serious problems. Even diagnosed with cancer in first lock down. I tried and tried to support him and encourage him because he said he wanted to stop.
It would be hit and miss if i got a birthday or Christmas present. Although i always bought for him .. but i suppose because i cared and knew his problem i forgave. He always said a present was on its way .. and sometimes a beautiful present would arrive months later. Or when he was ok flowers and little gifts . But that would all suddenly stop and i knew what was going on again.
When things were good he was kind funny generous,my absolute best friend. Full of good advice and i just loved being with him so much. At other times i vowed i would walk away for my sanity because of so many lies.
He had suffered the last year with yet another illness. He was in absolute agony with a infection in knee and bone. On two crutches . He wanted to rest more as in pain as he waited on test resuls and a future operation… but i felt more to it. The last time i saw him he cried, sobbed. He said it was the pain but i felt more going on. That weekend he didn’t come home .. tbe first time ever. I spoke a few times when he did actually answer the phone. He was with people i had never heard of. He promised would be home on the tues but didn’t turn up. I reported him missing to police. His body was found that night .. after a traumatic day of messages passed to be by people who knew where he was.I am still in shock. Heartbroken. Confused. Devastated. Although he had stopped heroin the year before he had been smoking crack. But died of a methadone overdose .. something i will never believe. I cant ask him what happened, the police are not interested… just an addict hey. But an addict who was loved so so much. But your post reminded me of the madness that surrounded my life, that i had tried my best .. tried so hard. But still i couldn’t save him. Addiction is awful.. he would say it was his brain arguing with itself. He said he was close to stopping crack.. and no cocaine or heroin was foubd in his body.Ill probably never find out what really happened. But i just wanted to thank you for making me feel not so alone in the madness of trying to help an addict

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