[unsure2021]

Home ladies , was a nice weekend, she kept sending stupid tik toks about cocaine , so his mind was On it all weekend, he was still distant intimately, kills me that part cos I just want to cuddle him but he pulls away unless we in bed and he cuddles me , she made fun of our weekend away before we left making him feel it was sad and cheesy going for a spa weekend lol this girl is on anther level she really is , I love him but I’m going to try detach my feelings and then maybe I’ll be able to walk away , I have good work opportunities coming up , I’ve decided I’m throwing myself a 40th birthday party this year, decided to take care of me for a change, I made a lot of effort this weekend hair perfect nice outfits bit of make up nails done and not one comment from him, he calls himself a junkie I hate hearing it but he told me he nearly smoked crack last week and realising I’ve lost him and he also knows it too, so I’m still going to stay here hope no one minds me venting , but I’m going to try stick to the plan take care of me and try let him go xx hope you had a lovely weekend

[unsure2021]

Lol I have actually thought about this btw lol wish me luck cos I think I’m gonna need it x

[unsure2021]

I don’t know how you ladies with kids with them cope I really don’t , I think after this weekend away if we actually go will be the end ,he has already started on the phone saying he Hates anything nice and hates Me cos I eventually lost the plot last told him I hate him when he speaks to me like ahit ,he actually thinks it’s all funny ,his words today was I will break your Spirit I’ll l3ave you broken cos I’m a nasty motherfxxxxer , I really don’t want to go but kids are all prepared for my mum staying h3re with them she has nice things planned for them ,and all I want to do is sit and cry , as for the sex part , his do3snt function due to illness and obv coke addiction but I get no intimacy whatsoever no kisses or cuddles i put sexy underwear on and he makes a sick sound, I won’t be back on till Monday I hope you girls have a lovely weekend xx

[unsure2021]

Sorry ladies been really busy , seems we are all on same boat , or rather rollercoaster , we are meant to be going away for the weekend, he is hitting the agitated nasty stage he sat sniffing with his mate from 7pm to.8am next day spent all day yesterday recovering, was happy today about going away then boom tonight the nastiness again , he doesn’t want me to go into pool because ppl will think I’m a whale , I’m not overweight at all but he calls me fat , he said he would rather spend time with her his mate than me , I’m shxt at sucking dxxk excise me for the vulgarness, he laughed asked if I’m goin to be sad and pathetic now and cry , I cracked up shouted at him and he laughed at me , I wS so excited about going away and now I’m sat in bed crying my eyes out, feels like he hates me so much, then he sent me daft gifs and said it’s him qhen he runs out of gear with laughing faces after, I have completely lost him there’s no trace of him left just a nasty cold addict, I’m dreading this weekend away ,I’ll not sleep now , he makes me feel so low when he is so nasty i just want to sleep and stay that way , hate drugs hate hate dealers but when it comes down to it they made the choice to start , they destroy there lives then destroy others

[unsure2021]

I’ve got a lot to be looking forward to just now I just keep getting dragged down with him , I’m soo exhausted I just want to be happy again and not stressed out , he just text he got 7grams last time he did he overdosed, I’m needing out of this relationship I can’t deal with it anymore I’m driving myself crazy lol thank you for replying to me , I vent loads but if I didn’t I think I would snap , I love him but I feel like I’m done , I have no kids with him so if I finished it I have no reason to stay connected , just need to find it in me to do it x

[unsure2021]

He has medical conditions he can’t perform, but obv can do other things , he doesn’t get hyper when he sniffs he just sits continuously sniffing till he can’t move or talk properly, I just hate my life right now, it’s shit ,i don’t know why I allow him to have so much power over me or why I d9nt just get rid of him

[unsure2021]

I think he in love with her she doesn’t love him she just uses him , god I don’t know ,I think an addict would seek out similar ppl , as much as I sit and think they having fun he must love being with her more than me which tbh that is the case I think addicts seek others out because it makes them feel less guilty ,its justified then because they aren’t doing it alone , I’m not sure ,all I know is it’s destroying me ,I just can’t cope with it anymore

[unsure2021]

Awe it’s worse when family ate enabling them xx he just text he staying there tonight so now I’m stressed out worrying are they gonna share a bed ,will anything happen, I feel sick , I text him saying maybe I should get gear in and maybe ge stay with me overnight being sarcastic, what is he dragging me down to xx

[unsure2021]

It’s draining though , he spent all day with her yesterday, went straight from hospital to hang with her tonight, said there’s no point seeing me tomorrow because we are going away for the weekend together, so depressed he in her house now hanging out obv taking gear and I’m in bed alone

[unsure2021]

It’s brutal isn’t it , I rant and rave on here cos it’s actually killing me ,I can’t talk to anyone because I’d get the leave him now speech, I know i should, I hung the phone up tonight because he was giving it I don’t feel nothing for you at all and called Me a dog thought he was hilarious, he was on a bender all day yesterday so today I’ve been getting the brunt of it , so he then sent me a video of someone saying they don’t want to be an addict they dp it to escape , but I’m getting tired off trying to help him and support him because it doesn’t last long , I know him and her laugh at me cos I’m the boring one but as I said to him tonight I’m the one who always has his back , I’m starting to feel resentful and I absolutely hate her , I hate myself for letting him treat me way he does and for putting up with all the stuff that comes with being with an addict, I hope your OK, it must have been really hard for you to walk away

[unsure2021]

Well the bitch best friend is back ,he jumped out his bed this morning gave me a call ,then called me this afternoon he with her out having lunch and getting a drink they’ve been shopping all the things he can’t do with me , so anyway fair enough then he calls an hour ago they sitting in a pub taking coke he had even given her a free gram lol I can’t even get a box of chocolates, seemingly they trying to find a dealer to get more ,I’m sat here absolutely raging wishing nothing but badness on her hoping she takes a bad bag , and this is not the person I an he is destroying everything good about me I have written a it’s done text about 40 times now and just can’t seem to send it , I hate the hold she and coke have over him , I won’t hear from him now cos they will be partying all night , I hate life right now I hate that I love him I hate taht I ever met him

[unsure2021]

I understand why you are raging anyone would be but take the silver lining in it that he is taking the steps to recover he is taking ownership of the things he has done, you need to put what you read away until he decides to open up and admit it ,he may need to write down all his actions before he starts to make amends for them , well done to him for 10 weeks and well done to you for being strong and supporting him x

[unsure2021]

Hey well last night went really good left very happy, I felt like the man I met was back with me last night, sitting here in cloud 9 all warm inside all happy but trying to tell myself to stop it lol , cos I know it’s not going to stay like this is it , we all know how it goes ,I love him so much but I hate that I do , sound so cheesy and cliche x hope you have had a gd weekend

[unsure2021]

Aw we broke up got back again , he overdosed was ill but back to his usual numb uncaring self again , I’m going to his today but I am preparing myself for it to be the last time I see him he seems to think calling me up and talking to me like shit then hanging up is him having a laugh last night told him I’m not having it anymore so when I go over if he still continues being cold and distant and not even wanting to have a cuddle then I’m going to say gdbye ,it’s killing my mental health thinking I’m not good enough for him , why doesn’t he love me enough back why doesn’t he want to touch me in any way , why does he hate me so much that he enjoys saying horrible things to get a reaction, I know what to expect tonight so probably be on here tomorrow heartbroken but I need to do this x

[unsure2021]

I know what you mean, one day I’m toughening up and as you say detaching but then they hit a low and you instantly feel for them and want to help but nothing we do or say will help , just think of it like this ,when your struggling is he coming to get you out of it ? You have struggled and your getting there on your own , you should be so proud of yourself, just continue focusing on you and the family and let him carry on his way until he decides he needs to sort life out x hope you ok sending big hug

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