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You can definitely do it and you are not alone in this. The beginning is the hardest part but dont let it break you. It may sound cheesy but reaching this low point is sometimes necessary to make the positive changes. Your children do need you, you girlfriend needs you and you need them.
Whenever you need to chat. Reply to this thread and we can work through it.
Your children definitely do need their Dad so always remember that, dont doubt it. My partner has a 2 year old who I adore and I constantly encourage him and remind him how important and special that father – son (or daughter) relationship is. I’ve found that the issue with cocaine is that you feel you’ve done well by not having it for a while and you kind of forget the shitty feeling it leaves you with after, so you almost end up encouraging yourself to do more. That’s definitely what’s happened with me but I think I’m getting there.
You need to change the relationship from a positive one to negative one. See it less as a treat or something you deserve and see it more as something that could potentially destroy everything you love, something that doesn’t love you back that just wants to consume you and take your money as well as your serotonin!
I’m trying to exercise to take my mind off it, but also learn a language through the duolingo app because it’s quite fun and rewarding.
Maybe give a helpline a call. Or do what you are doing now and reply to this thread when you do have those urges and we’ll just chat it out. I’m lucky in the sense I dont have a super addictive personality so kicking it isn’t as hard for me as I can imagine it could be for others. But that is what this forum is for, supporting people through situations like this. The positive thing is you have recognised the issue and know a change needs to be made. That is the best thing that has happened because it will enable you to find that strength to change your relationship with the drug.
Maybe it would be an idea to open up to your girlfriend. If you guys live together and are highly involved in each others lives she could be that immediate support line for you. Whenever you have the urge to get more tell her, collectively as a team find something else to do or enjoy each others company instead. If you dont think you’ll have that reaction and you’re best dealing with it yourself I completely understand. I dont like sharing my problems but its not healthy. Just chat it out through here. Sometimes it’s easier speaking anonymously
Hi Jenson,
I’m new here too. I tried cocaine for the first time Christmas ’17 and for just over a year me and my partner seem to have been doing it all the time, massive 12 hour benders where we wax through so much and then just keep doing it in the morning. We were smoking a lot of weed as well. I was like you, I never touched the stuff through my teens as I’m epileptic and was scared of what might happen. I’ve managed to stop, the turning point for me was managing to say no repeatedly and sit there whilst they racked up and still not have one. The strength I felt for doing that was great. The night before last my partner went on a cocaine binge and started raging at me. He was very emotionally abusive and wouldn’t leave me alone. I ended up throwing his coke in the loo and he scooped it out (very trainspotting..). He regrets everything now. He doesn’t remember anything from that night and because he went on a bender till the next morning yesterday he was horrible to me as well. I dont know how to tell him it’s the coke and I’m scared to ask him to stop as I dont want to be controlling but maybe he needs to hear it. It started of social and he only did it with a friend who has ot all the time but now hes buying it all the time and doing it on his own. He still ask me if I wants some even though he knows I’m done with it which isn’t very supportive. We have an amazing relationship but it all changes when that drugs get involved..
Quitting coke can be done. It is an evil addictive drug and so easy to say yes to but the best thing is to try and remove yourself from the situation maybe.
Not sure if any of that helps, mostly me venting..
Hi, new too and also looking for advice. In a very similar situation.
In my opinion the stuff said whilst drunk or on drugs isn’t necessarily true, but they come from a place that wants to hurt you and that is where the issue is. I dont believe that what my partner says to me when hes in these state is true but that doesn’t mean the words have no effect. I’m in tremendous emotional pain today. My world seems to be upside down. I dont want to be the type of person that needs someone to change but if this relationship is going to work he needs to lay off the cocaine and not get blackout drunk.
We have had an incredible relationship for 2 and a half years. I never thought I’d be lucky enough to find that person. But I cant deal with the pain of what gets said.
My advice would be to leave her alone for a couple of days. Let her realise that what she says causes a lot of pain to you and if the relationship is going to work something needs to change. Also you may want to ask her if there is anything stressful and personal going on in her life that my cause her to act this. The human mind is complex and people often try to take out their stress in unhealthy ways and on the people they love the most in the world.
Life would be easier if the world was in black and white, but we are surrounded by all the colours in the spectrum.
Sorry, hope that helps.