[vaa124]

Hi everyone. I never in my life wrote on anything like this but I think I just need to let everything out and this feels like a safe place after reading everyone’s stories. I’m so sorry that everyone had or has been dealing with someone addicted to cocaine. The experience is very sad and draining. I’ve met my boyfriend 7 years ago. He cheated on me like crazy the first 4 years, I don’t know what I thought I can change but I felt like I did change him a bit. He used to do cocaine pretty much daily. He now uses here and there when he can. Mostly when friends decide to come over for football or an event. Now this is where it gets rough. When he does cocaine he becomes very violent, within the 7 years I can’t count how many times he hit me. The first time he hit me was smacking me upside the head on Mother’s Day in 2017. That same year in august we went to go watch a fight at a bar and of course he was on drugs and drinking and thought I was flirting with the security guard while I was line for the restroom. I came out of the restroom and didn’t see him or his brother. Mind you that we were in a whole different city. We got back to the hotel and he accused me of cheating and I walked out of the hotel room and went to the lobby. I wrote my sister asking her to get me but he came down and told me to go up to the room that he will take me home in the morning when he sobered up. I went back up and he took my phone from me and started accusing me of cheating again. His brother and his brothers friend were in the hotel room as well. He then started hitting me so bad he busted the inside of my lip…I was leaking blood everywhere with no phone and no where to go. I thought I was going to die. I was so scared I kept looking at the door thinking I can just run out. The brother stood in front of me and I had my hands over my mouth and my boyfriend kept upper cutting me. Things cooled down and I had no choice but to just try to sleep. In the car the next morning he told me he was sorry and it will never happen again. I didn’t talk to him for a few days plus I didn’t have a phone. I caught him cheating serval times, even took two girl to Vegas with him and his best friend. He told me they were just all friends and I just dropped it. A year goes by and we were at a friends birthday party and again he was on drugs. He kept saying to his friends that he was taking his kids mother to Vegas and I just left the house and started walking towards my moms house which was 2 miles away. He then got in his car and followed me…he got out of his car and punched my side and pulled my hair to get into the car. He then started driving to my house which was about 15 miles from where we were. We were about 5 miles from my house when he started back handing me over and over and over again. I started to feel very light headed as we got to 1.5 miles from my house we were at a red light and I jumped out of the car and ran across the intersection almost getting hit by a car. Lucky there was a guy in a truck that screamed at me and said I’m calling the cops and he made a u turn and told me to get into the truck. I was so terrified because he ended up pulling up on the side of that man’s truck and was threatening him and was telling me he was sorry and he won’t hit me again if I get into the car. The cops ended up showing up, the boyfriend left and had my phone. The cop took pictures of me and brought me to my house. Which he was parked on the side of. He then took off and I was so scared to go into my house because of him coming back. I went to the neighbors and asked them to use their phone to Call my sister to come over. My sister came over and as she was parking he pulled up with his brother in a different car and handed my phone to her. He told my sister I kept punching myself over and over. I know I should’ve been long gone already by this time. He stopped using drugs and I started to see a change in 2019. Or atleast I seen a change or thought I did. Things felt like they were coming together. He then got caught cheating in 2019 in September. He was messaging this older woman and Facebook messaging her and saying how he was in love with her and he wanted to take a weekend getaway with her and wake up to her. I was so hurt. I ended up telling him about it and he got so mad he hit my stomach so hard I was wheezing. The cops were called that day and he went to jail for breaking the restraining order we had from the previous incident in 2018. I went to the doctors the next morning because I felt like I could breathe right, it ended up being a broken rib and the doctor told me I had a healed crack on my rib and asked me what happen, I had no idea what he was talking about but I’m sure it could’ve been the time he hit my side in 2018 and I didn’t feel it. Anyways he got out of jail 2 days later and he was telling me he was done with that life and no more this and that. Once again I believe him. From September 2019 up until Dec 23rd of 2022 he’s been great. He changed his job, he’s doing great, we were doing great. We had a baby and she’s 1. I thought things were finally coming to an end because we hardly fought. I don’t know why the 23rd Dec 2022 was one for him to act out on. He wanted his friend to come over and drink and do cocaine with him and I was just not for it. I told him he can drink but I don’t want to. My daughter was fussy. He then told me I would make him look stupid if I didn’t with him because his friends girlfriend was coming along as well. I still said I don’t want to and I decided to go upstairs to take the baby a bath. He come up very angry and got in my face as I was holding my daughter. I walked away and started getting bath ready still, he then pushed me hard I almost fell over and I told him to please stop I have the baby in my arms and he kept pushing and pushing me with her in my arms. I called out for my older daughter to come grab the baby and maybe I shouldn’t have but she came in with tears in her eyes and I said please take the baby and she tried and he said no give me my daughter. He then tried taking the baby with a diaper out to the cold and said he was leaving to his moms. I was scared so I went after him. He then gave me my daughter outside and then hit my face. I took off running because all I seen was the past and then after I wouldn’t go inside he told me he was getting a knife to stab me. My older daughter I guess seen that he pushed my face from her window and called the cops. Cops came and arrested him. He’s still here at home and i just feel so weak that I can’t leave. I feel like I’m stuck in this big deep depression hole. I feel like I’m failing both my daughters by not leaving him. I try not to say the wrong thing because I’m scared of him. My body starts to shake and vivid images of the way I looked after he hit me comes to my mind. I wish I can upload the images but I’m too scared to show what the damage was. I know this has nothing to do with everyone’s stories but I just needed a place to vent with someone that has the same problem with their boyfriend being addicted to cocaine and having to deal with so much nonsense that it hurts.

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